"I was in detox with a bunch of scary women!"

I get sent to pick up someone that called at a Plaid Pantry in a not so great neighborhood at about 7a one Saturday. I wait for a bit and call dispatch, they call the young lady, she is on her way, will be about a minute or so. I'm sitting there, doors locked, reading a book when I look up. I see this girl walking towards me and she looks torn UP. Typical for this area, but still, I'm a little concerned. Her knees are bloody, make-up down her face, hair all mangled, carrying one of her shoes. I swear I thought she had just gotten mugged. I got out of the car and asked her if she needed some help.

She: No, I'm **, you're waiting for me.

Me: (blink) Whoa. OK. Are you all right? Need to go to the hospital or something?

She: No. I just need to go home. I live in Sellwood, near the river.

Me: All right. Um. So. Rough night eh?

She just starts bawling. Out loud, big ol' ugly tears and shudders. I hand her some kleenex and wait for it to blow over. She finally calms down a bit and explains to me what happened. Turns out that she woke this morning in detox, had no clue how or why she was "... in there with a bunch of scary women!"

She: I woke up because this woman was trying to unbutton the front of my dress. I was laying on the floor. Apparently we're right next to the mens' room because she scooted across the floor to whisper to this guy through the door that I was starting to wake up. He was mad at her because he could see me under the door and wanted her to hurry and get my clothes off. There were about 10 other women in there, all awake, and they were going to let her!! He started telling her that if she loved him she would hurry and get my clothes off before I woke up fully, she was the best girlfriend he'd ever had, how beautiful she sounded and that he couldn't wait to MEET her!! I started screaming and the police came. They said they were just waiting for me to wake up to process me. When I told them what almost happened they said I could file a complaint on Monday. I just wanted to get out of there. They said they had towed my car, the only thing I had on me was my ID. I can't get my boyfriend to answer his phone so I didn't know who else to call. I know you guys are pretty strict about this, but I don't have any money or my visa on me, I swear I have it at home. Are you ok w/this?

Me: Um. You say you have your ID on you? Can I see it? she hands it up to me. Is it all right if I hold this until you pay me?

She: Ye-ees.

Me: All right. Then we're golden. I'll trust you.

As we're driving along I tell her a couple of cab stories to get her distracted and laughing, then her boyfriend calls. I hear her 1/2 of the conversation ...

She: What do you mean, 'wher have I been all night?' Where have YOU been? I've been trying to call you for over an hour. I just had a HORRIBLE morning, I was in Detox. My car got towed, I don't have my house keys or any money. Where were you at ... WHAT? NO!! I told you, I was in Detox! I woke up this morning and ... YES! Really. I have the papers they gave me when I left this morning. NO! I'm in a cab. It was HORRIBLE!! I woke up to this lady ... NO! You KNOW I would never cheat on you! I LOVE you! Why do you keep saying that? I was in Detox! What? Yes, I told you, I'm in a cab right now. I know, but this one said she'll take me home and wait for me to get my money out of the house. Yes. Yes. Do you want to talk to her? she looks at me in the rearview. Yes, she says she'll talk to you. Really. Yes, really. The cab driver's a woman. I'll let you talk to her. REALLY! The cab driver's a woman. Well, apparently there is at least one, as she's driving the cab. She IS. Where were you that I couldn't reach you? I remember trying to find you last night before I left the house and ... WHAT? NO!! I told you, I can prove I was in Detox. Yes! I love you! I would NEVER cheat on you! Can you meet me at home and bring my keys? I can't get in w/out breaking in. Why? Where are you? Yes. Yes. NO! I'm sorry. You're right. I love you. Of COURSE I trust you. Yes. I'll just break in. Baby, I'm sorry, you know I love you more than ...

I quit listening at this point.


1 comment:

Jenn said...

Goodness you really get some doozies....

And new title? I like!