I hear from a tall, strapping young lad at about 2:15a after a long Saturday night. He's standing outside of a very popular-with-the-college-crowd dance club, very sweaty and out of breath.
Me: Not a problem, there's one fairly close. You're not from Portland I take it.
He: Naw. Here for a wedding.
Me: Ah. Yours?
He: Hell no.
Me: So, whatcha doin' out this late? Beer run?
He: Naw. Lookin' for condoms.
Me: Ah. (blink) Well. (blink) It's better to have 'em then need 'em.
He: Damn straight.
Me: You lookin' for a person to use 'em on as well or you got that part figured out?
He: She's waiting for me back at the condo.
Me: Well, I take it you weren't a boy scout, eh?
He: Why? Oh, the always be prepared thing, right? Naw. I left about 15 minutes ago, she's really patient.
Me: Or asleep.
He: I hope. Wait right here for me. I'll tip ya large, just wait here.
He lopes off into the convenience store and back after 2 minutes.
Me: All good?
He: I'm covered.
Me: after a moment ... That seems a bit premature as you haven't even gotten back to her place yet.
He: after a few seconds I see the light bulb go on ... OH. No. Naw. I'll wait for that til I get back to the condo.
Me: Ya think you're gonna be able to wake her up?
He: Look at me. I got charm.
Me: I look intently at him for a few seconds ... Do ya? Hm.
He: You don't think so?
Me: Doll, I'm the sober one here. You're nowhere near as charming to me as you think you are.
I just got that look from him.
When we pulled up to her condo (25 BLOCKS away) I said Well, good luck and all that. Don't take home anything you can't be proud of ... or get rid of with a good dose of antibiotics.
He: Uhhhhmmm. Thanks. You're funny. But I think I'm too tired for sex now. Maybe I can just get her to make me some eggs and get me a pillow.