get in my cab, drunk and belligerent and get pissy with me when I ask you to put your seat belts on. It's the law. (Except for cab drivers, school children on a bus and city buses everyone else in the state of Oregon has to wear a seat belt. I don't like it, except that I don't have to wear one while driving a cab, because I feel that once I become an adult, can drink, drive and vote then damn it I'm adult enough to kill myself however I choose. But that's just me.)
And if it comes to the point that I have to explain this to your drunk, belligerent ass and you say something like "Fuck that. I am not wearing a seat belt!" Then don't get angry if I choose to not give you a ride. It's my right as the driver of a vehicle to kick your ass outta my car.
get angry and start calling me names if I drive by you as you're trying to flag me. Odds are very good that I would just loooove to pick you up but once I accept a "job" for the company I cannot - at the risk of my job - stop anywhere along the way. I'm sorry.
DO however, feel free to get very angry and call me every name in the book if I happen to hear you calling me those names, pull over, wait until you catch up with me, ask you "I'm sorry, was that 'fucking bitch' you called me or 'stupid fucking bitch'?" and then drive off when you answer.
Saturday night was one of those nights when you seriously rethink your choice of careers. Just one shitty fare after another. Eesh. After a certain point (read: $400.00) you have to just laugh. It takes some serious amounts of continuous annoyance to get under my skin, and this first one hit my last nerve that night.
I get sent to some shithole of a cheap motel at Columbia and MLK in N Ptld, industrial area with cheap motels for truck drivers, parking for said drivers, a strip joint and 2 24 hr. drive thru's - McD's and Jack in the Crack. NOT the best of areas.
I get to this motel to pick up this young black man and his woman, both probably about 20 ish, maybe less, at 3:30a.
They get in and the smell of pot wafts into the cab. More power to 'em. 1st thing: he starts bitching about the time it took to get a cab. I apologize but tell him there isn't a whole lot that can be done about it at this time of a Sunday morning. We're busy. Deal.
Me: Where we off to?
He: Downtown. About 5th and Oak, and we'll need a ride back. This is where all the dealers hang out downtown where you can get anything you want, at any time. You TequilaCon-ners might wanna take note. :o)
I go to pull outta the driveway (there is only 1 way into/out of this gem) and I have to go north as there's a concrete berm down the middle of the road. I happen to know that the berm ends about 100 yds up.
He: Hey, if you take an immediate right you can drive thru the truck stop parking lot instead of going all the way down to the next exit.
Me: All right.
I pull into the driveway and am immediately hit with these monster pot holes in the dirt road.
Me: Oh man, I don't know about this.
He: What? Just keep going. Cabs do it all the time.
I drive about 50 feet in and there are now pot holes bigger than my car. In a dirt parking lot. Filled with water. No way.
Me: Nope. No way I'm driving thru this shit. I don't know whats at the bottom of those holes. Or how deep those holes are. Sorry.
He: What? You're the first cab driver to say that. Just drive thru the shit. It's gonna cost me more if you go the other way.
Me: Look, I'm more than willing to make an illegal u-turn 100 yds up where the concrete ends, but I'm not driving thru that shit. No way.
He: Well shit. You're just being difficult. Just do what I tell you. That's your JOB isn't it?
Me: No, my JOB is to get you to where you need to go, expediently and safely.
He: Well, you're going to turn off the meter right?
Me: And why would I do that? You tried to send me down a road that isn't a road.
He: Well, you have to admit you fucked up, right?
Me: No, I didn't fuck up. You did by trying to send me thru those potholes.
I pull around the concrete and we start heading south on MLK.
He: Shit. I don't know why you have to be so fucking difficult. That's all you are. Difficult.
Me: No. If I was being difficult I would take you back to the hotel and let you wait another hr and a half for the next available cab so you can go downtown and do your drug deal. Now. You going to be quiet so I can take you downtown or you going to keep insulting me?
He: I might have to make a fucking complaint about your dumb ass.
Me: I guess that's a "no" to wanting a ride downtown. Hold on second here ... I make another illegal u-turn and pull back into the hotel ... Here you are, back safe and sound.
He: I am definately going to make a complaint about you, bitch.
Me: Wait a minute, let me write down my name and cab number so you can at least get it right. Now, would you like me to call you another cab or can you do that yourself?
He: I think I can handle that myself.
Me: Good. Sorry I couldn't help you. And by the way, before you slam my other door like your gf just did, you might wanna rethink as I'm sure you would hate for me to have to call the cops up here to have a chat with you about "assaulting" the cab. K? I mean, the way you smell it could be a problem.
But he didn't slam the door.
Right after that I got another young black lady in my car that needed to get home.
She: I'm gonna take you on the short cut as I need to get home.
Me: Sure. Lead the way.
We're tooling along and she tells me to turn here, turn here, etc.
She: Take a left here.
Me: It's a dead end.
She: I know, just drive thru here, it's all right.
Me: I drive in about 15 ft then Wait a sec. Is this someone's back yard??
She: Yeah, but dude works nights so he won't say anything.
Me: I'm NOT driving thru someone's back yard, home or not. Sorry. How else can we get there?
She: Well, you're going to have to take me around the block. But I only have enough money if you take me the short cut. I didn't knowed you'd be so prissy you wouldn't take the short cut everyone else does. I thought you were supposed to be a cab driver.
I got her home, and was glad to get her outta there.
Then I picked up these two older black women from the bingo hall. (it's open all night fer crissakes) These women are ha-uuuuge. Not that I have any room to talk, but dayuuuum, they stunk. As in someone couldn't walk their fat ass to the toilet in time. eeesh. Had to disinfect the car after they got out. They decided to go thru the McD's drive thru, then started bitching at the kid in the window because it was taking too long to get their hash browns cooked. They gave this kid a serious amount of grief.
Kid: I'm sorry, but we can't just leave them laying around then they wouldn't be fresh. I tell you what tho, I'll give you a refill on your orange juice while you're sitting here waiting if you'd like to start drinking it now.
FB2: Then just give us another one.
Kid: I'm sorry, what?
FB2: If you're going to give her a refill then just give me one too. For free. No one has to know.
Kid: I'm sorry, but I can't. My manager is here.
FB2: Is that the chinese kid? I don't like him anyway. He don't give NOthing for free.
Gawd. Seemed the whole night went like this. I just went home and took a shower, wash all that anger off me.
I picked up these 3 people from the Convention Center where they were having the Portland Wine Festival or something along those lines tonight.
I am driving down the street when I see this cute little woman flagging me with a taller guy behind her and this other really well put out fella wavin' his arms like an ape with hands full of poo so I pull over cuz ... well, just cuz.
They get in an decide they want to go to a bar I've not heard of called Trust. Just across the river. We head off with Ape Poo fella sitting in front.
AP: I perfected my cab flagging technique in San Diego where you practically have to jump in front of the cab to get it to stop.
Me: And you do it so well too. You're lucky it was me, lots of drivers don't stop for that sorta action.
AP: Ah, I love you already.
Me: Hunh. I charge extra for that.
AP: I'd pay it.
I just kinda look at him sideways. Girl in back starts laughing.
She: She's got you figured out Ape! I didn't get his name, just seems appro here. :o)
AP: You think you got me figured out huh? Already? My therapist hasn't figured me out yet, and I've paid him $2000.
Me: Well, this ride is going to cost you about 8 bucks and I'm taking you to a bar, I'm thinking I gotcha pretty well figured out.
They all laugh.
She: Describe him in 5 words. GO!
Me: 'Full of shit'?
She: Oh my gawd she's funny. She's got you figured out Ape!!
AP: No she doesn't. She thinks she does. What people don't realize is that I may seem like I'm full of shit, but deep down I'm sincere. Besides, that's only 3 words.
Me: Oh. 'How about conceited'. more laughs from the back
AP: You need to learn the difference between 'conceited' and 'confident'. Here's 5 words that describe me. 'Big dick. Good in bed.' I got references. I got videos.
Me: Now see, that isn't 'confident'. That's 'conceit'. Besides, of it ain't on the internet then it ain't true darlin'.
AP: True. True. Gawd, you're funny.
We talk about other stuff the rest of the way.
She: You should write a book about some of the stuff that happens in your cab.
Me: I have a blog.
She: Oh my gawd that's hilarious! What's the address? We'll check it out. Are you going to put us in there?
AP: "Big dick. Good in bed." Be sure to put that in there! We are going to read it.
I was tooling out 26 towards no-man's land w/a customer, just coming out of the tunnel from downtown and I start smelling something bad. BAD. As in - "jesus h shift a fuckin' gear" type of bad. There's about 7 or 8 cars in front of me that I can see, and it's raining like a sumbitch and yet I can still see a fog of stink in front of me. We make it up past the zoo, almost to the Sylvan exit and I see the car that's blowing up the ozone about 1/2 mile ahead of us. We chat about the smell and I catch up to said stinker just before the 217 exit.
I get about 4 car lengths behind in the fast lane, as dude is in the slow lane and I wanna get past his odorific self when dude sorta glides all the way over into my lane, then back to his. Neat. Not only is his car a piece, but dude is drunk too. Waaaay coooool doooood. So I call the cops.
Me: Hey there. My name is M, I drive for *** Cab and I'm driving behind a dude that's weaving all over the 3 lanes of traffic on 26 outbound. (I'm a left/right kinda gal, no good with the East/West crap).
Disp: OK, where exactly are you.
Me: We're just this side of the exit 69b. I caught dude's car about a mile back, it's smoking so bad you can smell him from that far back and WHOA!!! Was that his BUMPER?? I say to fella in back. He affirms. Dude's bumper just came flying off his car.
Disp: I don't want to know the exit number. I want to know the name of the exit.
Me: Um. Ok. 217/Tigard exit.
Disp: Thank you. What type of car is he driving?
Me: Station wagon. Plate number is ...
Disp: ExCUSE me, when I'm ready for the plate I will let you know. NOW, listen and answer only what I ask you. What TYPE of VEhicle is he DRIving. She starts talking to me like I'm stupid. Not a lot in this world makes me angrier than treating me like I'm stupid for no reason. Or even if there is for that matter. SURE way to piss me off with a quickness. :o(
Me: I SAID he was driving a station wagon. Did YOU not HEAR me?
Disp: Don't get snotty with me, just answer the questions.
Me: Fine. Don't get snotty with me and I will.
Disp: What color is the car?
Me: I don't know. It's dark out here.
Disp: You got close enough to get the plate number but you don't know what color the car is?
Me: I'm sorry, but do you dislike me specifically or just all cab drivers cuz you're sure being a bitch here.
Disp: There's no need to get rude.
Me: You're preachin' to the choir here sister. Whatsay we just get this over with quickly and painlessly, hey?
Disp: Fine. Now you say you don't know the color of the car but you know the plate number. Well, since that is all the information you seem to have what IS the plate number?
Me: My gawd woman. It's raining like a motherfucker out here, 4 o'clock in the effin' morning, darker than shit and you're bustin' my balls because I didn't get the GODDAMNED COLOR OF THE DRUNK DRIVER'S FUCKING CAR?? His license plate number is ... ... And if that isn't good enough than I guess you can hunt me down AFTER we finish killing time with your attitude and he kills somebody as he's weaving all over the FUCKING ROAD. Is this really what's important here, the color of his fucking car?
Disp: ExCUSE me ma'am, but we like to get as much information as possible.
Me: Then ask your damned questions and quit giving me so much grief.
So we finished that call pretty quickly after that. Bitch.
It was incredibly calm all night long compared to last year. There were so many folks out last year the cops had to start diverting car traffic outta downtown via bridges. Not kidding, there were - literally - 10's of thousands of people downtown. For hours.
This year, not even close. I only made it downtown maybe twice and it was dead both times. Seemed like a typical Ptld Tues. Waaaay too many cops downtown, they're trying to kill the drinking fun dntn so not as many people end up getting shot/killed/stabbed/whatever.
ANYway. It was pretty calm, but steady for me up until the last 5 rides, starting 'round about 3:30a.
About 3:30a I get flagged by a guy standing next to these 2 young ladies that were laying (!) on the curb across the street from the Dixie. (One of the more popular bars in town. It's part of the "herpes triangle" as I affectionately call it - where all the college kids hang out and take home stuff they aren't too proud of... or can't get rid of w/some heavy pencillin.) I pull up next to them and dude gives me the "one moment" finger and I just sit there and listen to this line of shit he's feeding these two girls.
He: Oh yes, I'm in town for one day only. I'm a heavy exec with a company I can't tell you the name of because I'm meeting with ... well I can't say. But they're HUGE here in Ptld, and soon to be around the world! etc etc
I'm just sitting there rolling my eyes when the girls roll themselves off the curb and into the car. Dude gets middle. As soon as he gets in he throws a $20 over the front seat and says "You help these girls out. No matter what they need. This should be enough. If not, here's another $20." and tossed another one over the seat onto the front passenger seat.
Me: Well, my goodness, how GENerous of you. You might wanna tell me what it is they need before you bankrupt yourself with your generosity.
Drunk girl 1: I need to find my car. I don't know where it's parked. She says it's somewhere close on a street that starts with an 'F'. Do you know it?
Me: Yup. Flanders. 2 blocks that way. What kinda car?
She tells me and we drive off. We only get about 1/2 a block when DG1 starts sweating me.
DG1: Do you see it yet? I HAVE to find my car!! OMG. What if we don't find it?!!!
Dude: Don't worry. She won't leave us on the street. We'll find it. No matter what. Here. Here's another $20 just to be sure.
Me: Good gawd, it's only 2 blocks over. Control your wallet big boy, if it's here, we'll find it.
Dude: Hey, I can tell you're cool. I like you.
Me: Not cool, just the only sober one in the car.
DG2: HEY! Don't you think I'm cool?! Look!! I got beads! Wanna see why?!!
And she pulls up her shirt to flash dude. He instantly latches on to one of her boobs and she squealed when we turned the corner.
It took about 1.5 mins to find her car. I pull over, she gets out immediately and DG2 starts slurping on Dude's face. Loudly. Ick.
Dude: So. You wanna come with me or should I come with you? I mean that literally, by the way.
Me: Oh my gawd. Stop that. In the car or out, there's another car behind us.
DG1: Daphne!! Come on! We have to go.
She flashes him one more time and jumps outta the car.
Dude needs to go to the Westin. A very short drive from where we are. He's sitting in the back seat eyeballin' me for a minute.
Dude: Sooooo, Cabbie. Wait. That's just completely insensitive of me, isn't it? I should ask your name. When I'm talking to a beautiful woman I like to know her name.
Me: Pssht. Come on now. Does that actually work for you?
Dude: Ummm. Sometimes.
Me: Well, not this time. Just stop that thought right there.
Dude: Oh, no, I get it. You're in control completely. I totally respect that. I love a ...
Me: Hey now. Enough of that. Keep it in control. We're almost there.
We discuss open joints he could go to at this time.
Dude: Well, I'm not really in the mood to really PAY for it if you know what I mean. I just wanna know, where would a guy go when he just really wanted to totally pleasure a woman, with no reciprocation? I mean, I am all about the woman. Really. etc etc The whole time he's saying this he's staring deep into my eyes to get his point across. As if.
Me: Well, honestly?
Dude: Oh yes. I'm a big believer in honesty. Almost as much as I am into pleasing a woman.
Me: Yeah, yeah. Anyway. Honestly, if you really wanna know where to go to get the best piece of ass you're gonna get tonight ... you shoulda went home with that girl. I can't help you. Here's your hotel. I hope you have lovely dreams.
Dude: Are you sure you don't wanna ... ? Ok. I can see that's a no. I tell you what. Let's just leave this one as a 'missed opportunity' and dream about what could have been. I hope you think about me later.
Me: I'm sure I will. When I start writing my friends about you.
Dude: Wow! I knew you liked me! I could tell. You're going to tell your friends about me. Well, I am in town for another day. Here. Let me make sure you remember me.
He tosses some more money on the front seat.
Dude: I would really like to just kiss your cheek. Just one little...
Me: Puh leeze. Get. Go sleep it off.
More bullshit was said by him but I finally got him outta the cab.
Total take on that $8. run = $97.00. Idiot.
Rounded the corner and got flagged by girl and 2 guys. I pull up. Turns out one of the guys is really drunk and needs a ride home. They only have $23. and it should be about a $16 - $17 run. So long as he doesn't yak in the cab, we're golden. We get on our way and turns out dude isn't quite as drunk as he let on. Apparently he had done something extremely embarrassing and decided to fake the serious drunk to get going.
We stop along the way and get him some BK and get him home. He tips me $20. Not bad. (although it's not like he paid for the fare to begin with)
I call his friend and tell her he made it home all right.
About 1/2 an hr later she calls me back, her and her man are ready to go home and are wondering if I could take them. I go pick them up and we chat for the 1/2 hr it takes to get them to Gresham, about their friend and the silly things he did. It was amusing. We traded animal-running-over stories and drunken ride stories. Funny stuff. $35 for the ride and $20 tip. Quick two hundred bucks in just over an hour. :o)
That's about all that was entertaining tonight. I was severely disappointed.
Spent Friday night hoppin' all night long, I started at about 9:30p and we already had 15 calls waiting. It didn't get any better from then on.
Angry people because they had to wait. Been drinking, whatever. But we had a whole lotta people just wandering around downtown, or trying to get downtown. It's a 3 day weekend, we had a coupla huge concerts in town (Bob Seger, Rock Star Supernova, Bob Weir) as well as the Hot Rod Show at the Conv Center and Tuesday is Fat Tuesday. We obviously don't need a reason to drink in Ptld.
Anyway, all that aside. I was heading out to Gresham on Powell from Milwaukie at about 4:30a with an older gent that had to make his dialysis. We're tooling along at a fair clip when we get to the point where Powell isn't so populated and the street lights are further apart and BAM! I hit a deer. Full on. It was just standing there perpindicular to the traffic flow in the middle of the road. It's dark and rainy. The poor thing. He bounced off the front of my car and slid end over for about 20 feet. Then he got right back up and hobbled back up the dirt berm next to the road.
Customer and I were both fine, there wasn't anyone else around. After some reassurances to the cust's condition I called base and asked them what I was supposed to do. The customer was kinda freakin' out 'cuz he HAD to get to his dialysis on time. I backed the car up about 25 feet, then drove it forward about 15. It was fine at a slow speed, a little wobbly. There was no one else on that side of town so they told me to get him to his appt (only about a mile) and they would send another car out to check out my car.
this is the part that's really nasty
I started to drive forward and had something dragging under my front wheel (ya know how when you're at the grocery store and the cart gets a rock or a can of tuna under the wheel? Just like that) so I backed up enough that I could see what it was. I assumed it was part of my car, well it turned out to be the deer's FOOT!! Oh. My. Gawd. I started bawling. Just freakin' out. The poor customer. :o) I've never hit an animal in my life and it tore me up 'cuz I tell ya, I like animals more than I like most people.
I finally got myself under control enough to get going again and got the customer to his appt. After I dropped him and was waiting for the other cab to show up I called the police. Told them what happened, started bawling again. The lady was really nice about me losin' it, but there wasn't anything they could do. According to her "... if it wandered off on it's own then we assume it's going to go heal somewhere." Bastards.
After about 1.5 hrs we got the tow truck there and got my car towed downtown. I had to go get ua'd (company policy). I was riding w/the other driver back to town, down the same road that I hit the deer on and we saw it laying on the opposite side of the road, dead. I called the p.d. back, they said NOW they would come and get it. Bastards.
At least it was out of it's misery. Which is more than I can say for myself. :o\ Or the car. The entire front clip is going to have to be replaced. I dunno about the wobble in the front end.
So then Saturday when I headed off to work at about 9p I get there and they are supposed to have back up taxi's that we can use if something happens to ours. They only had 2 left but we couldn't find them anywhere. There was another cab driver there talking to the lot lizard that's been hitting on me since I started working there. He pulls me to the side and tells me that I can use his car. He's a day driver that doesn't have a night driver. "Just don't wreck my car, heh."
Yeah, well, I made it almost 100 miles and the damned transmission went out. Had that puppy towed into town from Hillsboro. Had a nice chat with the tow truck driver on the way back too. Told him to be sure and leave plenty of room when he parked it by my car in case I decided to drive tonight (sunday) I might wanna add another to the collection.
Pretty slow night. I end up way out in bfe Gresham to pick up a little girl going to 181st/Glisan from 297th/Stark. I get there and it starts out bad.
Her and her man are standing out in the parking lot, arguing about her taking a cab. She opens the door ...
She: Just get in.
He: No. Just go.
She: No really, get in. You're costing me money as we stand here.
And so on until he walks off and she gets in. She tells me where we're off to and asks me to turn up the music. I listen to KUFO so I believe it was NIN at the moment.
She: Can you turn it up louder so I don't have to listen to my thoughts?
Me: Nope. But I'll turn it up to where I don't have to listen to you cry.
We make it to the end of the driveway, she looks back for her man and tells me to hurry.
She: Hurry. HURRY and turn the corner! We're going to the very next driveway and I don't want him to see us. HURRY!
Me: Stop that. Don't yell. I'm not going to "hurry". This is a blind corner. Don't worry, I'll get you there.
We make it fairly quickly.
She: OK, wait here. K? Please? Don't leave me here. Really. I'll be right back.
She runs in to find a friend, doesn't, comes back. She gets in the cab and starts to complain about the radio station I changed it to, then complains about her friend not being there, then her boyfriends, etc.
She: OK. Off to 181st/Glisan.
Me: Mmm hm.
The whole way down there (only about 6 minutes) I heard every single thing about her life that I didn't need to hear. Just got outta jail today, lost her kid 4 days ago and that's why she went to jail, how 3 of her 4 boyfriends treat her like shit. Etc Etc. eesh. (southeast portland ... white trash drama - if you've ever lived here, you'd understand)
We make it down to about 190th and Burnside and she looks at the meter ...
She: Oh Man!!
Me: What's up now?
She: Princess Leia only has $10 on her.
Me: I take that to mean you think you're Princess Leia and you just went a dollar over the meter, right?
She: Yeah. I'm sorry.
I pull over.
Me: Then this is where you get out.
She: Oh shit! You wouldn't do that would you? All right. All right. I tell you what, I got a friend that lives right here, just one block away. He'll pay you. Really, just drive over there.
So we pull into a typical se ptld barrio apt. complex and she runs inside. Comes back out with this dude name of Pancho. She starts blabbering and whatnot about how she doesn't have the money to pay the full fare and she just needs to borrow it from him, etc etc.
He looks at me to ask how much.
He: Aw man, I'm really sorry, I just don't have it. I don't know why she came to me, I barely even know this bitch. One of her bf's is my friend, but I don't even really know her. If I had it I would give it to you. You seem like you're pretty cool and all. If you wanna give me your number though I promise I'll get it to you tomorrow.
Me: to her So, how about you give me the $10 you say you have and we just let it go at that? It's only $13. on the meter now.
She: Well. I don't have it. But I tell you what, this dude right here, he has a 15 INCH dick!!
Me: Which does exactly nothing for me.
She: No really. Ponch, show her your dick. Come on man! I bet I can get him to ..
Me: STOP right there. I don't wanna see his dick. Damn. Just pay me the fucking fare.
She: But. I don't have it. But if you'll drive me down to 181st/glisan where we were supposed to go I can get Angie to pay you. I KNOW she will.
Me: So you called a cab company, knowing you didn't have any money. Got in and went somewhere anyway? You realize I could have you arrested for that, right?
He: Come on bitch, she's just trying to earn a living, pay her and let her go.
I look at her and she starts making these stupid little baby faces, sticking her lower lip out and whatnot.
Me: Stop acting like a fucking kid, this is an adult situation. What are you going to do? Pay me or go to jail?
She: I can shake my ass for you to pay the fare. and she starts to lift her dress waaay up above her knees and dance around.
Me: Please. What makes you think I wanna see your ass? I wanna see your cash. Nothing else.
She: I tell you what ... I'll be right back, I'll go in the house real quick and talk to his friends, I bet I can earn some money real quick. I'll be right back. Really.
She runs off into the apt, he just looks at me and says he has to go stop her. But he won't let her go anywhere.
I get on the phone and call the cops, then call my dispatcher and let him know what's going on and the address where I am, just in case. Stupid little wench. She comes back out and gets in the back of the cab.
She: sniff Um. They won't none of them let me blow them for any money. What am I going to do? Me: Pay or go to jail. Those ARE the options.
She: Awww, come on now, you wouldn't do that to ME now would you? and the little bitch smiles at me like her shit don't stink and actually winked.
Right at that very opportune moment the cops finally show up.
Me: I'm guessing I already did.
We get out and discuss the issue w/the officers (which by the way, one of them is the coolest cop I'd ever met. This tiny little black woman with a mouth that could probably rival mine. And that's sayin' somethin'!)
So it finally comes down to the cops telling her to either come up w/the $23 (the meter runs until I get paid) or she goes to jail. So the male officer escorts her into the apt one more time to watch her beg for cash. I stand outside w/the female discussing the finer points of this side of town when they come back. The girl is all smiles and waving some cash around. Apparently the sight of the officer made someone change their mind.
Fem Cop: So, here's your money. Do you want it or do you want us to arrest her.
Me: Is that still an option at this point?
FC: Yes. It is completely up to you right now. She has the means to pay, but with the circumstances of the 'theft of services' we can still arrest her. Although that means that you won't get paid.
Me: No shit? Wow. Arrest her.
MC: Are you sure? You will have to go to court, etc etc
Me: Totally worth it. Arrest her.
Dude cuffed her and drove off. I stood and talked to the FC for a bit. Her and I yukked it up about the whole situation. We both went back to work.
** I realize this doesn't even come close, but I am completely at a loss for words to adequately convey exactly how batty this little bitch actually was. I'm talking, like, just fucking nuts.
So it was VD. It was slow, but steady last night. I didn't go out until about 10p last night because I wanted to miss all the cuddly crap that has to happen on this night.
I picked up several groups (and a few singles) of young women that were bitter about the fact that it was VD and they were single. Some decided to group up and go out and try to make it look like they didn't care they weren't w/a man. One young woman even told me that she was fine w/it, when she went out with her friends but then got upset by watching everyone holding hands and whatnot. Nothing particular stuck out.
Then I picked up this young group of fellas, all 3 were round about 24 or so, seemed like the bookish sort, shaggy hair, facial hair that hasn't really grown in yet, jeans and birkenstocks. NOT the most attractive group a fellas I've had in my car in awhile. But they were pretty excited.
Me: Hey guys. How's your night going?
F1: GREAT! It's like Christmas out here!!
Me: You got a new, red wagon?!!
F1: Naw. We're getting numbers from women at every bar we go to!! MAN, it's great!!
Me: eyeballing the fellas ... SO, whatcha think is the draw?
F1: It's 'cuz it's VD and the only women out tonight are drunk and desperate because they ain't got no man!!
Me: Hunh. And why do you suppose they're giving you guys phone numbers?
F1: 'Cuz we're tellin' 'em what they wanna hear.
Me: Ah. And that's working for you?
F1: Oh yeah!! I got 3 numbers already. He got 2 and he got 5!!! Lucky fuck.
Me: Annnnnd, you guys think these are real numbers these girls are giving you?
F1: Hell yeah they are!
Me: Well then, I guess congratulations are in order. Which one of you is still the virgin?
F1: HA!!! Festus she's got you PEGGED man!!
Me: So, ya want me to pop your bubble now or later??
F1: Um, whatcha mean?
Me: You know that if you don't go home with one of these women tonight then you aren't going to get them, like, ever. Right?
F1: No way.
Me: Trust me. They're only going to be desperate tonight. Not tomorrow. You blew your chance.
They chat for a minute and decide they're going back to the bar where I picked them up at. I get them there and tell them I'd wait. It's 2a and there's no way the girls are still going to be there. They come back out about a minute later. The girls are all gone.
Me: No luck huh?
F1: We'll call them tomorrow. They'll answer. They wouldn't give me their numbers if they didn't want to spend time with me right? I mean, I told them all I wasn't going to take advantage of them while they'd been drinking, and they all seemed sincere in their appreciation. Women don't do that do they?
I just didn't have the heart to kill his high after that. Especially not with him and his friends all looking at me with those puppy dog eyes.
Me: Naw. I'm just messing with you. I'm sure they're all waiting by the phone hoping you'll call tonight and not wait until tomorrow.
I tried real hard not to laugh at them after I dropped them off.
And the only other somewhat memorable ride was dude I picked up at 10:45p.
He: I got 15 minutes to get to Fred Meyers and get some flowers! Can you make it?!
Me: In the dawg house are ya? Forgot it was VD?
He: Yeah. And oh MAN will I be in trouble if I don't get some flowers to take home. I didn't remember until after I got off the bus so I called a cab right away! Thanks for showing up so quick!!
Me: Mmm hmm. I was just around the corner. I'll get you there.
We make it there with about 3 minutes to spare. He throws a $20 at me and runs in the store. He makes it back in less than 10 with flowers and candy. I run him back to the bus stop where I picked him up and he tells me to keep the $20 (fare was about 14), hands me another 20 and hands me one of his 2 boxes of candy.
Me: What's this for?
He: I just want to say thank you for taking care of me. I really appreciate it.
I thanked him and he went on his way.
I handed some of the chocolates out to a couple of the bitter women, but they got angry when I told them the story and found out it was just some random fella that got them for me, not my man. Sheesh. :o)
Just over a year ago I spent a huge amount of time with one person, Frank. Pretty much every day and most nights. I drove him around, from one bar to the next, and then home so he could pass out for a bit, then back to the bars again. This is ALL he did, all day, every day.
He was about 55 or so, a mortgage broker that had just retired after getting out of jail for extortion. I met him right before he got off parole when he was living in a 1/2 way house and working days downtown. The day he got off parole he quit his job and started drinking.
I spent so much time with him that he decided I should just drive him around in his own car, a brand new Cadillac STS. It was a pretty sweet ride and I didn't mind so much when he got so drunk he could barely go home because I would just take him home, then drive myself home in his car and wait for him to call me in the next day. This went on for about 2 months give/take. I kid you not, this man did nothing but drink, day and night the entire time. It really was pathetic. But damned amusing, at least he was a funny drunk.
One morning he called me up and wanted to know how much it would take to get him to Bend. (about 1.5 hrs away near Mt. Bachelor).
Frank: Can you take me to Bend? How much would it cost me?
Me: Oh, say about $200. give or take.
Frank: OK, come get me. But I want you to drop off me and my car, I'm going to be staying for the weekend.
Me: Ah. No problem, I'll just have J follow in my truck and he can bring me back. S'allright?
Frank: Sure. Come on over.
We get over there about 30 mins later (Frank was in Tualatin, about 1/2 hr from where I live) and Frank comes out to meet us.
Frank: Ya know what? I think my gf might get mad that I'm gone for the weekend so I'm wondering if you could take me down there in my other car and then have J drive the Cadi. I don't want her to do anything to my car.
Me: Um, maybe. You want us to leave both cars down there? If I have to ride the bus back it's gonna cost you a WHOLE lot more. I don't do public transit. heh.
Frank: thinking for a minute Well, I tell ya, just keep the Cadi for the weekend until I get back then I'll have you come get me on Monday morning.
Me: Okee Dokee. Where's the other car?
He opens the garage door and there she is ... an '05 supercharged Jag. Black, lowered, SwEEEt rims.
Me: Oh, I am SO driving this one!!
So we're off to Bend. Me driving, Frank drinking. J following. About 1/2 way up one of the mountains Frank tells me that I have to open her up, just once, see what she does on the curves on an incline. Whew. Nice car.
Anyway, Frank got us a hotel room that night, we went back to Ptld the next morning w/his Cadillac. Well, Frank ended up staying in Bend a tad bit longer than expected. About 2.5 months longer. We kept his Cadi the entire time. He'd call about once a week to make sure his car was all right. That baby got great gas mileage too. We took it all OVER the NW. He didn't mind.
He finally sent a friend (another drunk) to come get his car one day. He called us a couple of hours later, apparently his friend decided to stop for a couple of drinks before driving back to Bend and wrecked the car in the mtns.
I wrote this one awhile back, just never published it. (today is 2/5/7)
I still consider this one my worst ride, ever, to date. I've been robbed and he didn't bother me as much as this one little girl.
1 girl, 3 guys get in my cab, about 1a re-election night. The girl sits behind me. They're all fairly young, clean cut, privileged looking kids. Girl gets seat behind me. I only speak to girl (she) and guy up front (he).
Me: Hi ya'll. Where we off to tonight?
He: Lake Oswego. Up off Military Rd. You know it? and thus, another first impression is proven true.
Me: I can get you to the rd, can you get me to where we're going from there?
He: Yes. Thank you.
Me: So, what are ya'll up to tonight? Looks like you're having a good time. grin
He: Oh, we're excited!! Can you believe GW got re-elected?!!
Me: Ah. Well, as long as you're having a good time. grin
She: Aren't you excited?
Me: No comment. grin
She: What do you mean 'no comment'?
Me: Just what I said. No comment. I don't talk politics in my car. Or religion, for that matter. Too tight of a space, no swinging room, if you know what I mean.
She: I don't.
Me: Just a joke. Never mind. So what's ...
She: ExCUSE me, but aren't you excited that GW got re-elected?! I mean, how could you NOT be? He's only like, the greatest president ever! Look at all he's done for this country!!
She: It's going to be an exciting 4 years, aren't you excited?!!
Me: Apparently not as excited as you are. This your first time drinking?
She: How did you know? score two for the cabbie My mom said it was ok as long as Davey here takes care of me. guy in front. And he's doing a great job, aren't you Davey?!
He: Um. Sure. nowhere near as drunk as she
She: So anyway, Driver, you DID vote for GW didn't you? I mean, everyone loves him.
Me: Well, apparently not everyone going by the polls. But isn't that one of the things that makes America beautiful ... freedom of choice.
She: Those other people were just misinformed. I'm telling you I think ...
Me: Really. I don't want to talk politics in my car. Sorry.
She: But GW has done ... blah blah blah
Me: Really. I'm NOT going to discuss this with you.
She: But he is the greatest president to date, how could you NOT love him?
Me: One more time, I am not, repeat, NOT going to discuss this with you. Let's talk about something else, OK?
So the guys in the back start discussing stuff with her, doing a good job of distracting her and I start chatting with dude up front. We are laughing and joking and the guys in back get in on it. Girl is sorta floating in and outta consciousness. She floats to the surface briefly ...
She: Um... guys?
She: Hey ... GUYS? Hell - O??
He: What Bitsy? I don't remember her name, but it seems to fit.
She: What would you guys do if I like ... farted right now? giggle
We ignore her and keep talking. She zones out again, then comes back.
She: GUYS?? What would you do if I farted ... RIGHT NOW?!
We ignore her some more ...
She: HEY GUYS??!! What would you DO if ...
Me: I tell ya, if you tell me one more time that you're going to fart in my car I'm going to pull over and let you out. Now pipe down back there, there's no need to yell. We can hear you fine.
She: Humph. Well. You don't need to be mean about it.
Me: Girlie, you don't KNOW mean. Now stop yelling. Just sit back there and be good.
It quiets down in the car but the guys and I slowly start chatting again.
We chat some more.
She: Ahem ... *SNIFF*
Me: WHAT? Now what?
She: *sniff* Why is it you people don't like me?
Me: I would say that most people don't like you because you generalize. I don't. Me, specifically, I don't like you because you're a whiny little girl that is used to having your way and when you don't get it you throw a tantrum.
She: I KNEW it!! You're just like all those other ... service industry people!! she said it like it's a disease, irritating little bitch.
Me: Maybe if you would come down off your pedestal for a bit you would see that you aren't as elite as you like to think you are. You might want to just shut the hell up or this 'service industry person' is going to make you walk the rest of the way home.
I looked in the rearview, she is just looking at me in shock, mouth and eyes wide open.
He: Look, I'm really sorry. This is her first time out drinking, we'll keep her quiet, it's only about another 2 miles from here. I'd hate to see her have to walk.
Me: Oh jeez, I would NEVER throw her out on the side of the road ... ALONE. All for one and all that ... nasty grin
She: Well! YOU ...
He: Bitsy! Enough!! Be quiet, we're almost there.
We make it another minute or so when she starts sniffing ... loudly.
Me: We're almost there, right? to him
Me: You better keep her quiet back there.
She: I don't understand. Why don't YOU PEOPLE like me?
Me: We back to that service industry thing again?
She: I mean really? What's wrong with you people?
And then ... I can't believe she did this ... the little bitch reached up and grabbed my hair and started yanking it around. ( I have long hair) "I want to know what sort of justification you have for needing this much hair!"
Me: pulled over VERY quickly Let the FUCK GO OF MY HAIR!! What the FUCK is wrong with you??!!
She dropped my hair and sat back in the seat.
Me: You want to talk politics? I HATE what GW has done to this country! I hate that the only people that are getting anything out of this country now are spoiled, privileged little SHITS like you that live so far and above 'US PEOPLE' that we can't get ahead. This country is going to SHIT and he is leading us there. I don't know who the FUCK taught you how to deal with 'US people' but you never, EVER distract a driver, you STUPID little BITCH. I realize that when you were growing up I was the girl in school that you always talked about behind my back because you weren't brave enough to talk to me to my face, but what you need to understand is that I am STILL the mean bitch that is going to drag your ass outta my car and kick it all over this fucking road. Now GET OUT. All of you. I've had it. I am going to follow you home as you walk because I would never, EVER leave a female on the side of the road. No matter how much I dislike you I wouldn't want anything to happen to you. No charge for the ride. I don't charge anyone I kick outta my car. Get walking. I don't have all night.
I rolled up my window and followed them home. She had to stop 3X to throw up. I fumed the whole way.
I got a call from base asking me if I could take a lady from the airport to just outside of Corvallis one night, (About 1.5 hrs away) to be picked up about 2a. I said yes and grabbed the bf to ride along as it was late and a long drive there/back.
It took a little while to find her (miscommunication on their part) but we were finally off about 2:30a.
We got to the other side of Corvallis and started looking for her mothers home. She wasn't sure where it was, and it was dark, and we were in the middle of some very large hills so we couldn't get any phone reception, but we finally found it. I dropped her 'round about 4a and we started back.
As an aside, her mother lives across the street from a Pekingnese farm. We drove up and about 300 of these little rats all started yapping. Could you imagine living across the road from THIS? Eesh.
I drove on the way back, chatting w/J on this same 2 lane road thru the hills, lots of dips and dives in the road. As we're tooling along I come up one small rise and notice that there is ice on the road reflecting from the headlights. I say something and slow down, not using the brakes (like any good driver knows :o) .
Just as I come up the next rise I see about 100 yards in front of me a guy standing in the middle of the road in front of his jeep that is parked across the middle of both lanes.
Me: What the FUCK??
J: Slow down ... slow down !!!!!
I hit the brakes and of course start sliding right towards the guy. He's just standing there. I can't tell yet if he's looking at me or not as I'm laughing my ass off because J is squealing like a little girl. (I told him every time I tell this story I was going to say that, because he was). Anyway, laughing aside, I finally caught traction about 20 ft this side of dude (who's still just standing there in the road) and swerved to the right to miss him. I hit the ditch (missed his jeep by about 2 ft) and made it out the other side and stopped about 30 some odd ft past dude.
J: I'm going to go back there and see if he's all right.
Me: Are you shitting me? This is the point in the movies where people jump outta the bushes and kill you!
J: Just stay here in the car. I'll be right back. Turn the car around and hit your high lights, if anyone comes running just take off.
Me: Yeah, like I could go far on the ice. Be careful.
He takes off to check on dude, I turn the car around. When I get my high lights on dude I can see his face and shirt front are coated in blood. Pretty much from the eyes down, although his forehead is messed up as well. He's just in a daze. Not moving much, just standing there. I jump out and get my flashlight from the trunk and go over to dude.
Me: Hey man, you all right?
J: He's not saying anything.
Dude looks at me and sorta mumbles at me.
Me: Dude! Hey!! Concentrate. You all right? Was there anyone else in the jeep with you? Talk to me.
Dude: Ummmmm. No. No one else. Not all right.
Me: All right, I tell you what I'll call the police, you come over here to the side of the road and sit down.
I help him over to the side of the road and J tries to move dude's jeep. I called 911 and told them what happened, they said it would be about 10 minutes to get to where we were. I got dude settled and went to help J. His jeep wouldn't start but we managed to get it into N and push it to where there was at least one lane open (ever tried to get any sort of leverage to push a vehicle on the ice?! Not an easy task) As we were busy effin w/dude's jeep we see a car coming from the same direction that we just had and a semi coming from the other direction.
We both grab a flashlight and try to wave down the vehicles coming. I get my semi stopped and explain what happened to driver but J's van ended up in the ditch next to dude's jeep because they hit the ice also.
I called 911 again and told them what was happening w/the van and whatnot, they said they were about 2 mins out.
I go back to dude and start talking to him, trying to keep him conscious when the fire trucks and sheriff finally show up. They sat up the kleig lights and started working.
The sheriff guy came over and talked to us for a second, trying to find out if there was anyone else in the car, what dude said, anything of that nature.
Sheriff: So you folks were just the first one's on the scene right? You didn't actually see the accident?
Me: No. We didn't see it.
Sher: All right then, ya'll can just go ahead and go now. You're from Portland right?
Me: Um. Yeah, Portland. You don't want our names, numbers, anything like that?
Sher: Nah. You didn't see anything, we're all good here.
Me: But, ... um ...
Sher: I'm sorry, but we're going to have to ask you to move your cab now so the ambulance can get in. Really, thanks for everything, but it's time for ya'll to go.
Me: Well, all right then.
So J and I drove off. He was driving, and I was basically not saying anything. About 15 miles later we hit an AM/PM at the highway entrance and we pull over to get something to drink. We get inside and were picking out our stuff, go up to the counter and J starts telling Guy Behind The Counter what had just happened.
GBTC: looking at me Wow! You guys were lucky you didn't kill that guy!!!
I just looked at him for a second and started bawling!!! Big ol' ugly crocodile tears. It was not pretty.
GBTC: Um. What'd I say? What'd I do?
J: Don't worry. She's good in a crisis but always freaks out afterwards. It just finally hit her. We're gonna go now.
He gets me out to the car and I lay down in the while he drives the rest of the way home. I went straight to bed.
Coupla hours later I wake up and go sit in the living room to veg out on the tv, my cell phone rings.
Me: 'Lo ?
Lady: Hello. Is this M?
Lady: You're a cab driver?
Me: Yes, but I'm not working right now. If you need a ride I can give you the number for my company, they can send you a cab.
Lady: No, I'm sorry, I don't need a ride. I need to know if you witnessed an accident.
Me: ... ummmm
Lady: Outside of Corvallis, last night.
Me: OH. Well, I didn't actually witness it, but I ran up on it last night.
Me: Um. I'm sorry. I think I got out of that that you are dude's sister?
Lady: Yes!! Ohmygawd!! If you didn't stop he might have been killed.
We chat for a second and I ask her what they had found out.
Lady: He was on his way to work and hit the ice. He slid off the road into the ditch. Apparently he hit the ditch so hard that he was thrown out the back window of the jeep (soft top) and slid, on his FACE, for about 25 feet. He's going to have surgery today. He's broken most of the bones on the left side of his body, needs a plate in his skull, is going to have months and months of therapy and if you wouldn't have stopped to help him out then he could be dead right now. I don't know how to thank you! There IS no way to thank you. I can't believe you just came along at the right time. I talked to the people in the van, they were still there when I got to the scene and they talked about how you and your boyfriend helped Craig. Thank you. I know it isn't sufficient, but thank you.
Me: I'm sure anyone would have done what we did. Um, can I ask, how did you get my name and number?
Lady: I am good friends with the dispatcher at 911 and she gave it to me. Believe me when I say that we gave that sheriff hell when he said he just told you guys to leave without getting your names or numbers. I really wish there was some sort of words to thank you properly. Thank you so much for stopping.
Me: Really, it's ok. It was actually kinda lucky that my bf was along, 'cuz I tell ya, I don't think I would've stopped.
Me: I mean, I would have called the police and all, but if I was alone I seriously doubt that I would have stopped.
Lady: ... REEEEally?
Me: Yup. Woman alone, middle of nowhere, sounds like a horror movie in the works. But I'm glad we did stop, now.
Lady: You bitch!! He could have DIED there and you would have just left him?!!! You fucking cold hearted fucking bitch!!!
She went on along these lines for about a minute then she hung up on me.
Whoa. Traumatic. I understand. I went back to bed. Took the night off.
Next day I got up and got to thinking about what she said, I almost felt bad. Almost. I called down to the Corvallis PD and talked to a lady there...
Me: Hi. This may seem like an odd question, but I was wondering if you could tell me how the guy that was in the accident the other night is doing.
She: I'm sorry, we don't know and can't give out that sort of information. Are you a relative?
Me: No. I'm the cab driver that came up on the accident.
She: Oh my Gawd! You're M?!!
She: Oh Gawd, let me tell you Craig still hasn't woken up. They've just finished the 2nd surgery on him and he is really messed up. I know his mother wanted to talk to you but Kim (sister) was so angry with you that she wouldn't even let his mom talk to you. I know she wants to talk to you though. Let me give you her work number, give her a call.
I called his mother, turns out she was at the hospital. The lady I talked to there gave me the run down, thanked me, etc then gave me his address so I could send some flowers to him at the hospital.
Driving by a martini bar in town and get very angrily flagged by a man in a really nice suit, dragging a be-U-tiful woman by the wrist as I pull up.
He: Take me to goddamned Retriever Towing. And do it with a quickness. Damn it. Tow MY fuckin' car. Sons a bitches. Who the FUCK do they think they are? Towing my car. I'll show THEM. I'm a mother fucking aTORNEY for fuck's sake! They think they won't have a fucking lawsuit on their hands?! HA!
Me: Um, Hi. If you're done, could you tell me which Retriever lot you need to go to?
He: Whichever one is closer, damn it. I'm sorry. I'm just pissed off. Fuckers.
Me: I can hear that. Do you have an address?
He: No. Jesus. Don't you know where the fucking lot is? I'm betting that a lot of fuckers get their cars towed by them. Don't you ever take any other losers to that fucking place?
Me: All the OTHER losers have an address. If you'd like to calm down, and tell me what type of car you have I'll call them and ask which lot it's at, K?
He: Shit. All right. It's a ... wait ... the fucking meter isn't running is it? It better not be.
Me: You need to relax. You're sitting right here, does it look like the meter has been turned on? I'm trying to help you out here and you're being a complete ass. I think you might be better off waiting on the next cab that comes by.
He: Shit. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. Really. OK, it's an XKE, hunter green. I just had the front end fixed on it. They had better NOT fuck it up. I swear it got fucked up last time it got towed downtown. You'd think they'd know that all REAL Jags are only driven by people with money and wouldn't tow them, no matter where they park their cars.
Me: turned around to look him in the face I can't believe you just said that. You really are an ass. Just be quiet and I'll try and find your car.
As we were driving over there dude was bitching to his woman about towing companies and service people in general. Prick.
He: after we get there You wait here. I want to make sure they're going to give me my car. I'll pay you for it.
Me: Of course I'll wait for you, it's what we service people do, wait on those with money.
He just looked at me and walked off, dragging his woman behind. He got in the fence and started yelling as soon as he hit the door to the office. I just sat there shaking my head.
Pretty soon one of the drivers walks into the office and a young-ish woman comes walking out looking like she's on the verge of tears. Apparently she was who he was yelling at. Poor girl. She was really upset.
I started chatting her up to distract her and pretty soon I had her laughing telling her cab stories and we finally starting talking about dude.
Me: So .... he's kind of an ass, eh?
She: He's a bastard. Thinks the world owes him. He gets his car towed for parking in a clearly marked spot and yells at me because he's too stupid to read.
Me: Yeah, had a bit to drink tonight too.
She: Yeah? Did you get him from the bar his car was towed from?
She: Hm. Here comes Denny.
Tow truck driver comes walking out to us.
Denny: Hey. That asshole asked me to pay you for him so he can calm down his woman, she's in there crying. What a dick that guy is. You all right? he hands me some money
She: Yeah. By the way, Cabbie says she picked him up from in front of the bar where he got towed.
D: Oh yeah? Good. Make the call girl! he goes back inside
She: Right away! This bastard is going to be in trouble. I'm going to call the police and let them know that we have a possible drinking driver leaving from here and what type of car he has. You watch.
I get out of my car and pop the hood to make it look like I'm checking something as dude and his pretty drive off in his Jag. He made it 1/2 a block and got pulled over by the police. I stood there and watched him get sobriety tested, put in the back of the police car, and have his car towed, again.