"Why are you trying to take me to your HOUSE?"

I got sent to outer SE Division fairly early one morning to pick up Dude that woke up late and missed his bus so he had to call a cab to get to work on time. He hopped in the cab, up front ...

He: Hey, wow I'm glad you got here so quickly. I'm going to be late for work if I wait for the next bus, can you get me to St. V's in about 35 minutes?

Me: Might be cutting it close, but I'll see what I can do.

He: Cool. Man. I'm so tired. I stayed up drinking with some friends last night and didn't get to sleep until about 1.

Me: Yeah, I'm kinda tired myself, it's been a long night.

He: Yeah, me too. You know where you're going right? I think I'm going to try and sleep unless you need me to give directions.

Me: Nah. I got it. You can sleep.

He: Cool.

He falls asleep and is snoring quiet. We're tooling along on the freeway and I'm driving on autopilot, yawning from my long night, but not dangerous tired (I nap if I get to that point). Picked a good time to get a quiet passenger.

I head around downtown on 405 to get to the Beaverton/Hwy 26 exit and shoot off onto the 6th st. exit into downtown. Totally wrong exit. It takes me a minute to realize I'm not going home but have someone in my cab. Oops.

Me: Shit! out loud

He: Dude woke up when I spoke Wha? What's going on?

Me: Oh man, I took the wrong exit.

He: Wha ... why are we downtown?

Me: I took the wrong exit. I was on autopilot and took the wrong exit.

He: looks at me suspiciously Is this the only wrong turn you've taken while I was sleeping?

Me: Look, I understand that you're suspicious but I just took a wrong exit. This is the only one I've taken so far, it's all been freeway. You still have about 15 minutes to get to work so we couldn't have gone too far out of the way. The freeway exit is just up Clay St a few blocks, I'll cut $5.00 off the fare when we get there, this is my mistake. Sorry.

He: is still looking at me like I wanna live inside his skin OK. Why would you take this exit anyway?

Me: I live just around the corner from here and thought I was going home.

He: Why are you trying to take me to your HOUSE?!!

Me: I'm not trying to take you to my house, again, it's just a habit. I don't mean anything by it. Everyone has to live somewhere, right?

He: reaches up to try and open the door ... my cab has auto-locks on it, once we're in drive the doors lock Why is this door locked???

Me: Dude, don't freak out. Autolocks. It's all right, really. I'm not going to sacrifice you to the cab Gods, I just took the wrong exit. I'm really sorry. If you feel the need to jump out of the cab while we're driving I can just let you out here and you can find another cab.

He: No ... I only have a few minutes to get to work.

Me: OK, look, we're at the exit now. We'll be there in like, 8 minutes. You all right?

He: Yeah.

Me: Bet ya aren't tired any longer tho huh?! :)

He just glared at me.

Heh ... got him there in about that time. He could NOT get outta the cab fast enough.


"Well. OK, I did call a cab, but I didn't call you."

I get sent to a strip joint to get one of the girls, apparently she had to wait awhile because she sounded like she’d been imbibing while waiting. I call her number ….

Me: Hey there. This is your taxi, do you still need a ride?

She: Wait. What? WHO is this?

Me: This is your taxi. Do you. Still need. A ride?

She: Noooo. I didn’t call a cab.

Me: looking at the order on the screen Ah. Sorry. This is the number I have to reach Anya.

She: Well. I am Anya. But I didn’t call a cab. How did you get this number?

Me: The voices in my head told me to call you.

She: … What? WHO is this?

Me: Again. This is your taxi. You called a taxi, I showed up to give you a ride. That’s how it works. sometimes you need to be specific w/the inebriated.

She: Weeeelll, OK. I did call a cab, but I didn’t call YOU. My driver already showed up, with my name and phone number on his screen. I don’t think you’re a cab driver. I want to know who exactly you are and why you are calling me this late. RIGHT now.

Me: Ah. So apparently you called both companies. there are only 2 in town with computer screens Have a good night.

She: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I want to know who you are.

Me: I told you, I’m your cab driver.

She: You sound like a woman.

Me: … so do you.

She: Don’t be a smart ass.

Me: Sorry. Just stating the obvious as you did.

She: …

Me: Did you get the text message that your cab was on the way?

She: Is THAT what that was all about?

Me: Yes. So you would have my cab number and didn’t get in the wrong cab when more than one of us showed up. Modern technology, gotta love it.

She: Why is your number blocked?

Me: It’s my personal number. I don’t give it to everyone.

She: So how am I supposed to call you back to prove that you’re a cab driver?

Me: Do you really need to “prove” I’m a cab driver?

She: Yes. It’s 3 in the morning and you‘re calling me. I want to make sure you are who you say you are.

Me: So, I give you my number, you call me back, I tell you that I am actually a cab driver, of course you believe me because I tell you I am and then what … you are going have the cab you are in turn around and come back here so you can get in my cab?

She: Of course not. Why would I?

Me: Exactly. So why would I give you my number?

She: …

Me: Have a good night. click


Wanna know what makes your cabbie smile?!

Winning these on the Bay of evil.

And now I MUST have the 5 different types out there. We'll see about the Sabbath ones. I've never really been a fan but hey, they're Chucks and they are kinda cool. :)


I've seen and heard some nasty things in my cab over the years ...

but until last night I've never had anyone ask me to pull over so they could check the ripeness of the dead 'possum laying in the road for edibility.



Everytime someone famous moves to Portland ...

... they make a big stink about it in the papers.

So we got another celebrity (for now, nameless) that has moved here to help out our floundering economy. Which would be great if:

when he took a cab here a month ago and had the driver tool him around all day long trying to find someone that could cash a check but couldn't, and of course, being a big Hollywood star, has no cash

then not only couldn't pay that driver, but when the driver got in trouble for going over in lease time he went into the cab company the next day to explain all this in hopes of not getting driver in trouble and possibly stopping any police action that might occur

then it only took him another 2 days to pay that driver, through the company.

Welcome to Oregon, Hollywood.

And just so ya know, it's none of the "Leverage" folk that are hanging about town while filming. Thankfully. Think I'd have a crying fit t'were it Christian Kane. :)


And sometimes I'm just right ...

Last night was my night for drunken white boy hook ups. Or trying to hook up, I suppose. These things seem to come in waves and last night was just the night for these guys. Here's one (of 3) that tried to get me to "hang out" with them throughout the night:

Got sent to the Gateway MAX (lightrail) station early this morning to pick up a young man that missed his last bus. This is about 2a. I track him down and he hops in the front w/me.

Me: Hey there. How ya doin'?

He: Not so good, ya know?

Me: Missed your last bus didja?

He: How'd you know?

Me: Happens a lot, this time of the night. Where we off to?

He: 136th and SE Powell. How much do you think that's going to be?

Me: Oh, about $15.

He: That much?

Me: That's a high estimate. You'd be happy w/less, right?

He: Yeah. Let me count my money and make sure I have enough.

Me: K. I'll just pull over here while you count.

He: What? You don't trust me. That's cold. Pretty girl like you don't trust someone as good-looking as me. Just a shame.

Me: It's a shame that you think that since you think you're good-looking that will make a difference in whether or not you're trustworthy.

So he pulls out his cash and starts counting. He has a handful. All in twenties near as I can tell. And he thinks he's being cute about it....

He: Uh-oh. I don't know if THIS twenty will be enough. What about THIS one? Or THESE? as he's saying this he's putting them about 3 inches from my face to make sure I get that he has money.

Me: Yeah, I get it. We're going.

He: still looking Oh no. I don't think this HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL will be enough, huh.

Me: Now you're just being an ass. And you're getting less good-looking every time you stick another bill in my face so stop it.

He: All right. All right. Maybe I've had a little too much to drink tonight. But I'm still a good person. And pretty cute too, you have to admit.

Me: You might have been, before all that, not any longer.

He: C'mon now girl. You're way too pretty to be that angry.

Me: Oh, I'm not angry. Disappointed maybe, but not angry. And before you ask, I'm disappointed that once again it's been proven that personality takes away from looks.

He: with a real confused look on his face I don't get it.

Me: It's OK Sweetie and I pat him on the cheek I didn't expect you to. grin

He: responding to the smile Wow. You wanna hang out with me?

Me: Oh wow. Thanks, but no.

He: What? Am I not hot enough for you?

Me: I think we've been through this already. Besides, I don't hang w/people that live in your area.

He: What do you mean?

Me: It's 2a. You've got, conservatively, 2K in your pocket and you live at 136th/Powell. I'm guessing you're a drug dealer.

He: What?? Why?

Me: Aren't you?

He: Why would you say that? I just moved there.

Me: Are you from Portland?

He: Born and raised.

Me: Then you know the area and you moved there anyway. Drug dealer.

He: Wait a minute ... that's ... that's ...

Me: Profilin'. Yup.

He: You can't do that.

Me: Am I wrong?

He: after a few seconds Of course you're wrong.

Me: OK. I apologize. If you aren't anyway.

He: What's your name?

Me: Trixie. Yours?

He: Aaron. Double A. Like the battery. I go all night long. grin grin

Me: You did NOT just compare yourself to a battery. Is that the BEST you can do? At least claim you're a double D so a girl doesn't automatically think you're one of the smaller batteries. C'mon now.

He: My house is near here, just drop me off here. I don't want you to see which house I live in.

Me: just smiling at him K.

He: Are you sure you don't wanna hang out w/me? We could have a good time. You might like me.

Me: Again, thanks. But no. I'm working here.

He: Give me one good, LEGITIMATE reason why you won't go out with me.

Me: Honestly?

He: Of course.

Me: You only tipped me 50 cents.

He: Uh ... but ... all right. Nevermind.

Me: Bye, Junior.

I drive off and get a call about 20 blocks away which turns out to be the same lady I had before w/the 57 nieces and nephews. I get to her house and she comes out, drunk, and says she's going to basically the same area where I just dropped off.

She's chattering away about being a "functioning alcoholic" and how her husband is sending her to buy pot so he can relax. We get to where she's going (thankfully, pretty quickly) and pull up to the house she points out to me.

NEVER guess who answered the door to sell her some pot. :) Yup.

Sometimes, I'm just right. Heh.


You really must learn to form an opinion ...

Saw this while toolin' around t'other morning:

welcome to southeast Portland.


Inasmuch as my fares aren't all that amusing to me any longer ...

Occasionally I still have some sort of smart ass remark to make.

Got sent to the Greek Village to pick up 2 girls and a guy. They were walking to the cab arguing about boobs when I got out and opened the back drivers door to help them in the cab.

Me: Hey there. Ya'll need to get in on this side.

The girls hopped in but the guy walked around to the other side, which was locked.

Girl1: Isn't that just like a guy? Doesn't listen at all.

Me: Yeah. I was thinking about putting a big ol' neon arrow with a sign that says "This is my clit" just to see if they would be able to find that side of the car at all.

The girls were rolling on the floor laughing by the time the guy got around to the driver side. He looked me up and down then:

He: Hey. Wanna make out?

Me: Wow. That's quite an offer there Junior but you obviously can't follow direction what in the world would make me think you would be any good at making out??

The ride only got more interesting from there.

Note: Yes, I'm still here. Just working though, not much else. Things have changed w/the economy and people are much angrier and as I've said before, they aren't amusing me as much as they used to. I'll see what I can come up with though.