Two for the price of one.

I picked up these two younger fellas last night that reminded me of another ride of which I'm unsure whether or not I told you, and I'm too lazy to go look so you'll get both here. :o)

1) I got sent to pick up these two young boys (about 18-ish) standing on the corner of MLK and NE Broadway at about 3:45a. I grab 'em and we're off to MLK/Killingsworth for the 1st one and MLK/Lombard for the other. Less than10 to drop them both.

Me: Hey fellas, what brings you boys out here this time o' the night?

YB1: sitting behind me We just got released from the justice center.

Me: Ah. Got arrested huh? Didn't kill your cab driver or anything like that didja?

YB1: both laugh Naw. Nothing like that. We got pulled over earlier, about 10p. Turns out we both have warrants for our arrest. They towed my car too. They let us out about 3:15a and we walked all the way up here. I didn't know nothing about no bench warrant.

YB2: Yeah, 'Criminal Trespass'. What the fuck is that?

Me: Dunno. But hey, at least they let you out fairly quickly.

YB1: Yeah, but motherfuckers 'lost' my money. Now I'm broke. At least they gave me my phone. I gotta make a call. calls what I assume is his gf, speaking quietly. Hey baby. Yeah they let me out. You want me to come over? I really wanna see your beautiful face. I'm in a cab. No, I ain't got no money. Can you pay for it? C'mon baby, you know I love you the most. Yes. I will. What? OK. Nevermind then, I'll call you tomorrow lover. to YB2: She ain't got it. Any other ideas?

Me: after I pulled over to the side of the road. Hey guys, if you don't have any money on you then I can't drive you any further. Policy. Sorry.

YB1: All right. All right, gimme a second here.

Me: Make it a quick second, the meter's running.

YB1: K. Makes another phone call Hey baby. Yeah they finally let me out now I can come see your beautiful face. Yeah, I'm in a cab, can you swing it? No, the fuckers took my money. All of it. I know. I'm gonna sue. Baby, the meter's running, can you pay for me? Ah, there's my girl. You know I love you the most. I'll be there in about 5 minutes. Just leave the money in the mailbox and I'll come crawl in bed with you. My cousin's gonna stay on the couch, OK? See you soon baby. To me All right sweetie, I gotcha covered. My girl's gonna pay the fare. Just take us both to MLK just offa Lombard.

I get them there, she left him a hundred dollar bill in the mailbox. We had to go to the gas station on the corner to get change.

2) I don't remember the wording on this one, it was a while back, but these guys reminded me of this one. I got sent to pick up a young black fella one night, fairly late from inner SE and I just happened to be around the corner so I got to him within a minute. He came running out to the car and jumped in, in a real hurry, and he was extremely happy I got there so quickly.

I remember him asking me to hurry and get going, I asked him if he had some woman's husband after him, he said it was his gf, and she was pissed. I laughed it off and got going, taking him to this big ol' nasty complex way out on N Columbia right before the Port. Where the ships are, not the airport.

On the way out there his phone rings and someone starts screeching at him loud enough I could hear her. Turns out she was in the bathroom, getting cleaned up so they could have a good time. He called a cab and left her. She was - understandably - quite upset. He finally calmed her down, told her his mom called and he had to leave, etc, he would come back tomorrow.

Then his phone rings again. Conversation was basically "Yeah baby, I'm on my way, I just left my mom's house and I'll be there in about 15. You sure you got the money to pay for the cab?" Etc.

Well, I had to ask about it. The 1st girl is his gf, but the 2nd is this girl he'd been trying to get with for awhile, she's drunk and wanting to see him so he left his gf to go see her.

I remember saying something about how you're supposed to get some from the 1st one before you go get it from the 2nd, otherwise he's gonna end up shot by some frustrated woman. Not to mention if the 1st finds out about the other. Jeez. :o)


"So, which one am I: fat or ugly?"

Got sent to the Crystal Ballroom to pick up some folks a few nights ago (4 ppl, 3 stops) and the last one was this skinny little girlish/waif person that was somewhat drunk and fairly amusing to talk to. We were chatting about a lot of stuff and she mentioned that they were part of this group of ppl that met on the 'net at a website for "folks that have a hard time making friends". She gave me the 'site and I took her home.

Little while later I picked up a couple going two different places as well, guy first then the girl. She ended up in Troutdale so we had some time to chat. I was telling her cab stories and whatnot, mentioned that I have a blog w/them, she asked for the address and then I said:

Me: Speaking of which, I picked up this girl earlier that was telling me about this other website for "People that have a hard time meeting and making friends". I thought that was a bit amusing.

She: Oh, yeah. I could see how that would be funny. Might be what you need though.

Me: .... do I LOOK like I have a hard time making friends?

She: somewhat embarrassed No, no. Not at all, I'm sorry, I just meant ... well ... you are kind of big.

Me: OH. So you think it's a website for fat people.

She: more embarrassed NO. Oh my God that's not what I meant at all. I'm sure there are a bunch of really unattractive people there as well.

Me: Hunh. This was getting amusing. So, which one do you think I am: fat or ugly?

She: incredibly embarrassed now (to my amusement) Holy ... Jesus ... you're twisting what I'm saying all around. That is NOT what I meant to say. I don't mean to insult you...

Me: Yet you are. Tell ya what ... why don't you take a minute and say exactly what you DO mean. I can wait.

She: I ... OK. A few minutes go by then to me ... You're mean.

Me: So I've been told. Apparently fat and ugly as well.

She: I didn't ... well ... OK ... I did ... but I didn't mean to ... but ... I ... never mind. I'm done talking to you.

And she didn't say anything the rest of the ride. I was still pretty darned amused.


"Hey Baby, how you doin'?"

I got sent to Bushwackers in Tualatin (cowboy bar) to pick up someone, had to check w/the 'tender when I got there. He tells me he'll send them out. I'm sitting in the car next to the door when they come out ... all 8 of them. I thought some were just escorting the others but turns out they all want a ride. And they're LOUD. Not much annoys me more than loud people (except for businesses that have a misspelled sign, but that's another rant). I'll usually try to accommodate any groups as long as it doesn't interfere w/my driving.

After some back n' forth twixt us we finally agree to try to get them where they're going if they can all fit in, they're only "... going a little ways, just to the hotel down the road."

So we get 4 guys in the back, on the bottom, 2 girls on top of the guys in back and 2 guys up front. In front I have this little skinny cowboy named Tom next to me and a really large fella named Benny next to the door. As they're closing the back door Tom decides to start a "conversation" with me.

Tom: Hey baby, how you doin'?

Me: I'm fine. And you guys?

Tom: We're better now that you're here baby. Hey, you're kinda cute, can I just ... the little idiot put his hand on my leg and tried to kiss me!

Me: Grabbing his hand and throwing it the other way while I back away from him. What the FUCK are you doing? Don't TOUCH me!!

1guyinback: Hey, don't worry about Tom, he's harmless.

1galinback: Tom, STOP that!

Tom: Oh, c'mon now baby completely ignoring the back seat, and me apparently I'm cute enough. He reaches over and grabs my leg again.

Me: All RIGHT! That's it. Everyone out.

1guyinback: What the FUCK?

Me: There is no CHANCE I'm taking you anywhere with this guy up front. Put him in back. You can either control him or I'll call you another cab.

1guyinback: Jesus, what's her problem?

Me: LISTEN ...

1galinback: He's being an asshole! Just put him in the back, she doesn't have to put up with his shit, or yours. I'm really sorry he's being like this, we'll put him in the back. Everyone OUT!

So they all get rearranged, Tom in the back on another guys lap, 2 other guys up front. They're in, we're off.

We make it out the parking lot and down the street when I notice my rearview is outta wack. I reach up to fix it ...

Tom: I'm sorry guys, I just gotta do this.

He reached under my arm and grabbed my right boob!! I pulled back so fast and Gosh I SWEAR I didn't mean to hit him in the face with my elbow. In the nose. And WOW was it ever quiet when he started screaming that his nose was broke and and started to bleed all over himself.

Upshot of all this: they all agreed that it was a complete accident and I wouldn't call the police and have him arrested for assault. Since I have pictures and all. They also gave me money for coming to get them, but decided it was best to wait for another cab.

I called the company and got them another cab.

Someone asked me the other night about my percentage of good to bad. I told them it was about 95/5. Some of them are worse than others, the nature of the business. I rank this one right at the top of that 5%.

And sorry all, I've been a bit busy lately.