this one amused me

I got a call snaked by another driver last night. It happens. I get sent to just off Hall and 99 in Tigard to pick up a young lady and friend at their apt. About 2 minutes before I get there a msg pops up on the screen with the info that I needed to pick them up at the US Bank at whatever address right next to their apt. (The msg came across everyone's 'puter screens but w/my cab # so everyone would know it was for me.) So at the USBank I call the phone number given to reach her and she picks up:

Me: Hey, this is your cab, I'm at USBank but I don't see you.

She: Um, we're already in a cab. I'm sorry, I thought it was our cab. He pulled into the Bank parking lot where we are.

Me: Notta problem. Really. Can you ask him his cab number?

She does and says 610. Well, I just happen to be real good friends w/ol' 610 (he's my drinking bud) so I told her to tell him I was going to spank him later. She did, he laughed and that was that. I got another call right away and figured out where I was going then decided to call my ride stealing buddy. He didn't answer so I sent him a text msg that said "Pussy!!" and went about my biz.

About an hr later he called me back.

610: Are you the one sending me messages calling me a vagina hole?! What's up with that?

Me: Heh. I figured you were too much of a pussy to answer my call when you stole my ride.

610: Uh ...

Well, I 'splained to him what I was talking about, and after some very amusing twists and turns he figured out what I was talking about, and I figured out it wasn't him. The other driver was just spouting off some random cab number so he wouldn't get in trouble. If it would have been any other cab in the fleet I woulda called disp and reported the fella (we get charged $100 for doing this, if we're caught - and with gps many of us get caught) but he picked just the right random number to not get caught.

Ok, Ok, ya had to be there. :o)

How about this one:

I got sent to the Dolphin to pick up some dancer named "Euphoria". I got down there and turns out it's the same girl that doesn't tip cab drivers, apparently she had changed her stage name. She came walking out of the bar w/the bouncer but as soon as she saw me -

She: OH no no no no no. I ain't riding with that bitsch. (in her best Rosie Perez accent).

Me: Aw, now see, I thought you'd be happy to see me again. I'm hurt. grin The bouncer is just kinda looking back and forth between us. I thought your stage name was Velvet, if I would have known it was you I would've given this one back to another driver.

She: I changed my name because Velvet wasn't classy enough.

Me: .... just looking at her with one eyebrow up

She: Fuck you bitsch.

Me: Aw c'mon now, you gotta ask nicer than that. :o) I'll call you another cab. G'nite.


Donna said...

I love it! You HAVE to write that book.

Dave2 said...

Velvet IS classy... for a pimp.

Jessie said...

Nah, Id rather a girl named Velvet give me a lap dance than Euphoria. Even stoners dont know that word most of the time.

Iron Fist said...

You should have mentioned that "Diphtheria" is even classier than "Euphoria." I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what it means.

Catherine said...

That is an awesome story, I love it. And I love the way you handle these people. Such panache!