More random shorts (2)

*** 1) I got sent to Skidmore and MLK to pick up a young couple, instructions say "Call when out front". I have no patience for that kinda stuff so I generally call when I'm around the corner. They came out the front door when I pulled up (smart, huh?!) and as they are getting in his cell phone is ringing from me calling, the fella says they're going to about 60th and Killingsworth and wondering if I could tell him about how much it is going to be. He ignored the phone while we were talking so it kept ringing it's cheesy, standard polyphonic ringtone.

Me: Well, it's going to be about 12 bucks, give or take, but I'll take 2 dollars off the bill if you'll buy a ringtone for that phone 'cuz, Damn.

Me: when we get there That'll be 14 bucks.

He: You gonna give me that $2 off?

Me: You gonna buy that ringtone?

He: Uhhhh, yeah.

Me: Uhhhh, yeah then. That'll be $14 bucks.

*** 2) Picked up 2 girls and a guy at about 2:20a Sat night and they're talking about where they're going (Nob Hill area) and what they want to eat. One of the girls looks at my cab license and starts squealing because her name is the same as mine. (Whoop. 2nd most popular name the year I was born) Do I spell it with 1 L or 2? (Look at the license babe.)

They're still deciding where to eat and I'm throwing out everything other than Taco Hell 'cuz I HATE (hate, hate) going thru Hell anytime 'twixt 2 and 3. I sit there behind 15-20 cars and wait. And wait. And wait. And listen to drunks squeal and yell at other cars and each other, and it's just plain annoying because my wait time while in line is nothing compared to 10 short fares I could be having.

Next question from Jr.Cabbie back there is 'can I be your best friend for the night 'cuz our names are the same?'

Me: Only if you DON'T go thru Taco Bell.

They ended up going to the Pharmacy on 23rd.

*** 3) Picked up an unattractive young man about 21st and W Burnside and he's going to about 17th se Madison. "... but let me make a call and make sure of the address. You can go ahead and head that way. Hey, it's me to person on phone What's your address? Yeah, but what's it near? A what store? What else is near there? Can you hear me? It's loud there, what's it NEAR?"

Me: Just get me an exact address. I'm a professional, I'll figure it out.

He: What's the exact address. All right, we'll be there in ... looks at me, I hold up 7 fingers 7 minutes. You sure this is going to be all right? Won't your folks get mad? *whispering* I really want to see you too, you know that. We'll be there real soon. I promise. If I have to get out and walk I'll be there as quick as possible.

Me: *snort* Dude, you have GOT to be trying to get laid.

He: A little, yeah.

Me: How do you get "a little" bit laid? That like a hand job and a kiss good night? Definition please.

He: Honestly, I just need a place to stay tonight.

Me: And so you're gonna go give it up to some girl in her folks place so you can have a place to sleep? Wow. That sacrifice there is definately gonna get you thru the Pearly Gates.

*** 4) Picked up a hairy fella (think Robin Williams) going from Broadway and Morrison to the top of Slaven Rd, as we're driving up the twists and turns he's talking (among other things) about how American's blame the Jews (of which he is) for Bin Laden. He's really pontificating. When he asks me about what I thought of it:

Me: Um, you sure live a ways up here. 'cuz really, I wasn't listening to what he was saying and wouldn't talk about it anyway.

He: I live close to my mosque, it makes my mom happy.

Me: DUDE!! I saw you on Sex and the City huh?!! :o) he looks at me blankly You know, older Jewish boy living alone to make his mommy happy?! C'mon now, you had to have seen it.

He was not amused. But he did admit to knowing what I was speaking of.


Paradise Driver said...

You meant synagogue, rather than mosque, right?

Sizzle said...

Your comeback to that "a little" laid guy was classic!

Jay Cam said...

lol wow u ARE a witty driver! thats stuff was hilarious!

Jay Cam said...

Care to trade links? My site is http://jaysmoney.blogspot.com

If would like to trade, post my link, then comment or email me and I will post yours on my site as a permanent link. Send what you want to your link to be called and your link please.
I would appreciate the linkage, thanks!

butterfly_chic26 said...

Um...who is the person above me?! Why does he want to trade links? What is that all about?!?! YIPES he'd appreciate the linkage?!?! WTF is that?!?! Please tell me you didn't do such a thing!!....

You're so funny!!! You crack my sh*t up!!! HAHAHAHAHA. Thanks for commenting over on my blog...care to trade links?!?! LOL.

mist1 said...

I've laid somebody a little bit before. It started well but, ended abruptly when I passed out, snoring on his chest. I blame the vodka.

Incidentally, I snore lightly. It sounds like a kitten purring. It's adorable, I'm sure.

adena said...

Wait...he's Jewish and goes to a mosque?

I'm confused.