"Dude, you've got a better batting average than A Rod right now!

I picked up this one fella about 5 times in a 2 week period. He lives on the west side, near Cornell and 185th, I don't generally go over to that side of town unless it's dead slow the other side of the river. His name is Peter. Nice enough guy, but drunker'n hell every time I picked him up. I remembered him after the first time, it took him until the 3rd to start hitting on me.

He: Hey hey! How you doin' baby?! Man am I glad to see YOU! You gonna take me up on that offer to go to dinner sometime soon?

Me: Naw. But I do appreciate the offer.

He: Come on now, I'm serious. I really want to see you away from the cab.

Me: I get that, but no, thank you anyway. Besides, you won't remember me when you sober up.

He: WHAT? What makes you think that? I'm not that drunk. Well, maybe I am tonight, but I don't drink that much the rest of the time.

Me: Peter. Come on now, lie to your mother, lie to your wife, but never lie to your cab driver. You're telling me you only drink on the nights you think I might be picking you up?

He: Well, yeah. I don't drink that much.

Me: Everytime I've picked you up. That makes about 5X in 2 wks now.

He: Nunh uh .. well, really?? That many?

Me: Yup. Dude, you've got a better batting avg than A Rod right now! And he's kicking some ass.

He: Awwww, come on now cutie. I ... um ... who?

Me: Alex Rodriguez? Used to play for Texas and Seattle now with the Yankees. Oh man, I tell ya, that's the clincher. I couldn't go out with a guy that didn't like baseball.

He: Well shit. I tell ya what, since I can't have you, why don't you take me to Dotty's down the street and I'll see if I can catch last call and do a little gambling.

Me: Ahhhh, the consolation prize.


Tracy Kaply said...

Heh heh heh. Standards are good.

Tragerstreit said...

*giggle* I definitely couldn't do your job. I'd get slapped for laughing at these folks.

Sizzle said...

you sure get some winners. heh!

whall said...

You could always say "what, AGAIN? I told you last time, you need to go get tested after what we did because I just got my results back, and believe me, you want to be in the 20% that doesn't catch anything."

Susan said...

I agree - if a guy doesn't like baseball, he's not worth knowing.

BTW - I think Alex Rodriguez has nice teeth :)