I get sent out to Duke's - a cowboy bar in outer SE Ptld. There was a benefit concert with Gretchen Wilson just getting out. I pull up and hear this incredibly loud screech from this woman at the front door screaming about their cab being here. She comes running over to me, screaming the whole way "don't leeeeeeeave meeeeeeeeee" Arrrgh. Hopefully this will be a short one.

She runs around and gets in the front seat. Starts to tell me where they're off to then yells through my window at someone to hurry their ass up. We're about 50 feet from the front door. They probably heard her in Singapore. Everyone in the parking lot did because they all started yelling for Larry to hurry his ass up as well.

They all finally get in the cab and we're off to West Linn. Pssht. At least 20 minutes. Turns out the guys are drunker than the girl is and they all have to talk louder then the others to get their point across. The husband of the woman decided he's going to start drunk dialing. Gets some dude on the phone and starts talking about how he wanted to do ugly things to dude's wife and this guy would just let him because the guy in the cab was his boss. Stupid shit. Wife is just laughing at him.

The other guy grabbed the phone from the first and called up Christine to tell her how he didn't want to sleep alone tonight, etc. Christine starts shrieking at him on the phone and tells him to hand the phone to the loud girl in the front. Turns out Christine is the couple's daughter. Just turned 18. They all had a good laugh about that one.

The husband leans up in the seat and tells me that he likes his women plump. Just like me. Just like his wife. Look ... and proceeds to grab her boob. I just look at him and tell him to sit his ass back and strap in or I'd make them walk the rest of the way. She starts shrieking at him about how she didn't want to walk and he'd better just sit down and shut up. Etc.

Damned long 20 minutes. At least they tipped well.