"I just wanna dump these ugly fuckers and go home with you"

I got sent to The Sports Page off Hall and 217 to pick up some fella name of Chris. I get there and go into the bar to speak to the 'tender (as I'm told to on the instructions), as I'm walking in I run into one young fella walking out. Cute lil sucker, but loud. By himself. Apparently he thought himself amusing.

I spoke to the 'tender and told him I'd be waiting outside in the cab, send him and his friends out when he finds them. Go outside and there are 3 young-ish fellas standing at my cab, trying to get the doors open, including the cute boy I saw on the way in.

Me: Hi fellas. You who I was sent to pick up?

YB1: You our cabbie?

Me: Possibly. Who was the cab ordered for? they just kinda look at me Sorry. I need a name here guys. I don't wanna pick up the wrong person.

CB: Ah. That would be me, I'm Chris. You gonna let us into the cab?

Me: Yup. Soon as I get there and unlock the door. You in a hurry?

CB: Nah. I just wanna dump these ugly fuckers and go home with you.

Me: Ah. You're gonna be a fun one, I can tell. Here. Door's unlocked, hop in and take off your beer goggles little boy. :o)

His friends starts giving him a hard time about being a "little boy". He responds with the typical "I got your little boy right here" thing I've heard hundreds of times. I just roll my eyes at him and get in the car.

CB: Hell. If I'm your 'little boy' I guess that makes you my 'girl' huh?

Me: Until I get you outta my car Junior. Let's just make sure you don't force that to happen a little bit earlier than you wanted hey?

He just kinda eyeballed me for a minute. We drive along, the 2 in the back are yukkin' it up about something stupid. Jr up front is just watching me drive. We pull up to their house.

Me: Here ya are fellas.

CB: I'm betting you want me to be a 'girl' instead of a 'little boy' huh? You look like the type that likes girls. I could be your 'little girl'. he flashes a smile at his boys, he still thinks he's funny.

Me: I tell ya Junior, you're cute enough I might be able to use you as my 'boy', but if you wanna be my 'girl' then that means I'm gonna make you my 'bitch'. That work for ya?

His friends just laugh as he stomps off into the house.

YB1: who is doing the paying Don't worry about him. He's convinced he can make any woman want him so he's just not used to a lady turning him down. Thanks so much for the entertainment. We'll be sure to not let him forget you soon.


Jessie said...

I hate guys like that. Im glad that you gave him hell!

Miss Britt said...

why do men always assume if you aren't interested in them, you aren't interested in men at all??

Sizzle said...

awesome comeback on your part!

Anonymous said...

LOL you are so witty and I love it!

kapgar said...

You are the queen of wry comebacks. I love it! If I come to Portland, is there any way to hire you specifically?

Karl said...

Heh, awesome. You should bring a video camera along with you. I'd totally watch THAT show.