"Big dick. Good in bed."

I picked up these 3 people from the Convention Center where they were having the Portland Wine Festival or something along those lines tonight.

I am driving down the street when I see this cute little woman flagging me with a taller guy behind her and this other really well put out fella wavin' his arms like an ape with hands full of poo so I pull over cuz ... well, just cuz.

They get in an decide they want to go to a bar I've not heard of called Trust. Just across the river. We head off with Ape Poo fella sitting in front.

AP: I perfected my cab flagging technique in San Diego where you practically have to jump in front of the cab to get it to stop.

Me: And you do it so well too. You're lucky it was me, lots of drivers don't stop for that sorta action.

AP: Ah, I love you already.

Me: Hunh. I charge extra for that.

AP: I'd pay it.

I just kinda look at him sideways. Girl in back starts laughing.

She: She's got you figured out Ape! I didn't get his name, just seems appro here. :o)

AP: You think you got me figured out huh? Already? My therapist hasn't figured me out yet, and I've paid him $2000.

Me: Well, this ride is going to cost you about 8 bucks and I'm taking you to a bar, I'm thinking I gotcha pretty well figured out.

They all laugh.

She: Describe him in 5 words. GO!

Me: 'Full of shit'?

She: Oh my gawd she's funny. She's got you figured out Ape!!

AP: No she doesn't. She thinks she does. What people don't realize is that I may seem like I'm full of shit, but deep down I'm sincere. Besides, that's only 3 words.

Me: Oh. 'How about conceited'. more laughs from the back

AP: You need to learn the difference between 'conceited' and 'confident'. Here's 5 words that describe me. 'Big dick. Good in bed.' I got references. I got videos.

Me: Now see, that isn't 'confident'. That's 'conceit'. Besides, of it ain't on the internet then it ain't true darlin'.

AP: True. True. Gawd, you're funny.

We talk about other stuff the rest of the way.

She: You should write a book about some of the stuff that happens in your cab.

Me: I have a blog.

She: Oh my gawd that's hilarious! What's the address? We'll check it out. Are you going to put us in there?

AP: "Big dick. Good in bed." Be sure to put that in there! We are going to read it.


apositivepessimist said...

arhaahaa totally tops you have non-blogging readers now girl!

apositivepessimist said...

oh and HI BDGIB.

Heidi said...

LMAO!! Thanks for the laugh.

kapgar said...

That is flippin' hilarious. You should do a book, though.

jen said...

Funny! I kinda want to know if he is that good. ;)

The Chad said...

thats awesome. all you need now is a wifi webcam in the cab.

Carrie said...

Did the "big dick" guy actually say all that with a straight face?! LOL

apositivepessimist said...

Hmm can’t see that the BDGIB dude’s been in.

Maybe he couldn’t fit in yer blog door on account of his big dick.