I wrote this one awhile back, just never published it. (today is 2/5/7)
I still consider this one my worst ride, ever, to date. I've been robbed and he didn't bother me as much as this one little girl.
1 girl, 3 guys get in my cab, about 1a re-election night. The girl sits behind me. They're all fairly young, clean cut, privileged looking kids. Girl gets seat behind me. I only speak to girl (she) and guy up front (he).
Me: Hi ya'll. Where we off to tonight?
He: Lake Oswego. Up off Military Rd. You know it? and thus, another first impression is proven true.
Me: I can get you to the rd, can you get me to where we're going from there?
He: Yes. Thank you.
Me: So, what are ya'll up to tonight? Looks like you're having a good time. grin
He: Oh, we're excited!! Can you believe GW got re-elected?!!
Me: Ah. Well, as long as you're having a good time. grin
She: Aren't you excited?
Me: No comment. grin
She: What do you mean 'no comment'?
Me: Just what I said. No comment. I don't talk politics in my car. Or religion, for that matter. Too tight of a space, no swinging room, if you know what I mean.
She: I don't.
Me: Just a joke. Never mind. So what's ...
She: ExCUSE me, but aren't you excited that GW got re-elected?! I mean, how could you NOT be? He's only like, the greatest president ever! Look at all he's done for this country!!
She: It's going to be an exciting 4 years, aren't you excited?!!
Me: Apparently not as excited as you are. This your first time drinking?
She: How did you know? score two for the cabbie My mom said it was ok as long as Davey here takes care of me. guy in front. And he's doing a great job, aren't you Davey?!
He: Um. Sure. nowhere near as drunk as she
She: So anyway, Driver, you DID vote for GW didn't you? I mean, everyone loves him.
Me: Well, apparently not everyone going by the polls. But isn't that one of the things that makes America beautiful ... freedom of choice.
She: Those other people were just misinformed. I'm telling you I think ...
Me: Really. I don't want to talk politics in my car. Sorry.
She: But GW has done ... blah blah blah
Me: Really. I'm NOT going to discuss this with you.
She: But he is the greatest president to date, how could you NOT love him?
Me: One more time, I am not, repeat, NOT going to discuss this with you. Let's talk about something else, OK?
So the guys in the back start discussing stuff with her, doing a good job of distracting her and I start chatting with dude up front. We are laughing and joking and the guys in back get in on it. Girl is sorta floating in and outta consciousness. She floats to the surface briefly ...
She: Um... guys?
She: Hey ... GUYS? Hell - O??
He: What Bitsy? I don't remember her name, but it seems to fit.
She: What would you guys do if I like ... farted right now? giggle
We ignore her and keep talking. She zones out again, then comes back.
She: GUYS?? What would you do if I farted ... RIGHT NOW?!
We ignore her some more ...
She: HEY GUYS??!! What would you DO if ...
Me: I tell ya, if you tell me one more time that you're going to fart in my car I'm going to pull over and let you out. Now pipe down back there, there's no need to yell. We can hear you fine.
She: Humph. Well. You don't need to be mean about it.
Me: Girlie, you don't KNOW mean. Now stop yelling. Just sit back there and be good.
It quiets down in the car but the guys and I slowly start chatting again.
We chat some more.
She: Ahem ... *SNIFF*
Me: WHAT? Now what?
She: *sniff* Why is it you people don't like me?
Me: I would say that most people don't like you because you generalize. I don't. Me, specifically, I don't like you because you're a whiny little girl that is used to having your way and when you don't get it you throw a tantrum.
She: I KNEW it!! You're just like all those other ... service industry people!! she said it like it's a disease, irritating little bitch.
Me: Maybe if you would come down off your pedestal for a bit you would see that you aren't as elite as you like to think you are. You might want to just shut the hell up or this 'service industry person' is going to make you walk the rest of the way home.
I looked in the rearview, she is just looking at me in shock, mouth and eyes wide open.
He: Look, I'm really sorry. This is her first time out drinking, we'll keep her quiet, it's only about another 2 miles from here. I'd hate to see her have to walk.
Me: Oh jeez, I would NEVER throw her out on the side of the road ... ALONE. All for one and all that ... nasty grin
She: Well! YOU ...
He: Bitsy! Enough!! Be quiet, we're almost there.
We make it another minute or so when she starts sniffing ... loudly.
Me: We're almost there, right? to him
Me: You better keep her quiet back there.
She: I don't understand. Why don't YOU PEOPLE like me?
Me: We back to that service industry thing again?
She: I mean really? What's wrong with you people?
And then ... I can't believe she did this ... the little bitch reached up and grabbed my hair and started yanking it around. ( I have long hair) "I want to know what sort of justification you have for needing this much hair!"
Me: pulled over VERY quickly Let the FUCK GO OF MY HAIR!! What the FUCK is wrong with you??!!
She dropped my hair and sat back in the seat.
Me: You want to talk politics? I HATE what GW has done to this country! I hate that the only people that are getting anything out of this country now are spoiled, privileged little SHITS like you that live so far and above 'US PEOPLE' that we can't get ahead. This country is going to SHIT and he is leading us there. I don't know who the FUCK taught you how to deal with 'US people' but you never, EVER distract a driver, you STUPID little BITCH. I realize that when you were growing up I was the girl in school that you always talked about behind my back because you weren't brave enough to talk to me to my face, but what you need to understand is that I am STILL the mean bitch that is going to drag your ass outta my car and kick it all over this fucking road. Now GET OUT. All of you. I've had it. I am going to follow you home as you walk because I would never, EVER leave a female on the side of the road. No matter how much I dislike you I wouldn't want anything to happen to you. No charge for the ride. I don't charge anyone I kick outta my car. Get walking. I don't have all night.
I rolled up my window and followed them home. She had to stop 3X to throw up. I fumed the whole way.