More Random Shorts ( #3 )

1) Got sent to Delta Air Cargo on Airport Way to pickup a lady and her dog and take them to the airport (all of 1/2 mile down the road). Really nice, calm lady and this ... hairless dog/thing in a crate. The dog was up front w/me and the lady in the back. Turns out her van broke down there at the Air Cargo where she was picking up the dog and heading out w/said dog to some dog show somewhere.

The short while she was talking the dog was just sitting in his crate shaking. poor little fella didn't have any hair on him so I thought he was cold. I reached over to try and calm the dog while talking to him and the lady just SCREECHED at me "Don't you TOUCH him!!" Scared the hell outta me. Scared the poor dog as well. I figured that the dog wasn't shaking because he was cold, it was because he was neurotic.

2) Got sent to pick up this young lady from the Moose Hall where she was attending a dance. She is handicapped from a car accident, using a cane, I have to "assist". I get to the Hall, there are hundreds of people there, I finally track her down and help her to the car. She's fairly drunk, not so much in the way of talking or helping with directions. She's back there kinda singing to herself, fairly quietly, then not. At the point where it's somewhat quiet in the car I hear ... something.

Me: Do you hear something? I turn the radio all the way down.

She: Huh?

Me: Do you hear that? I hear someone ... talking. Do you have a cell phone?

She: No, I don't own one.

Me: OK. I don't hear it any longer.

We're tooling along and I hear it again.

Me: I know I hear something. Do you?

She: She reaches up and pulls her headset off, What's that?

Me: Ah. That explains it, you're wearing a headset. I'm hearing your music.

She: Actually, I record Smallville and am listening to it now.

Me: ... Uuuuhhhok.

She puts her headset back on and turns on her cassette player. We're tooling along and then I hear her starting to speak the words to her recording. I now know more about Lex and Lois then I ever wanted to.

3) Picked up this older, drunken gent from a smaller bar in the skirts one night, dude looks like a skinnier version of Jerry Garcia, stringy gray hair, unkempt, you know, and he has a really deep voice, not really a sounds-like-satan creepy, but oddly deep. I know I'd heard it before, just couldn't figure it out. Finally comes to me when dude says he wants to "... go home and eat some biscuits. Mmmhmm." Dude sounds just like Billy Bob from "Sling Blade". I laughed every time he says something the rest of the ride.

4) Sitting at a red light downtown one night, people walking across the street in front of me when a group of drunken young boys walk by:

DB: Hey hey HEY!! When did cab drivers start looking like you baby?

Me: Yesterday. It's a new law passed by the city. I drove off to their laughter.

5) Driving along behind a Washington County Cop t'other night I see a little sticker on the bumper while sitting at a light "Nationally accredited since 2004". Hm. That one got me wondering.

6) Drove by a vacuum shop t'other night and their advertisement said "Our Vacuum's have Serious Suckage". Made me smile.


Donna said...

You have the best answers EVER! I'll bet you were raised in a large family like my husband. I gave up trying to argue with him years ago, because he can always top me.

Rick said...

I keep driving by a very shabby used car lot that boasts, "A new MOLE TRAP with every purchase!" Makes you wonder about the cars, don't it?

Sizzle said...

serious suckage! ha ha. mmmm.

she taped smallville? that's so weird.

whall said...

The fact that it's smallville isn't weird, but the fact that it's a TAPE is weird.

The Lily said...

Yeah, dog show folks are a bit odd. They're like the equivalent of stage moms, but their kids are furry.

Erm, or less so in this case. Sounds like a Chinese Crested.