6/10/08

"I just saw a guy howling at the moon"

Them: Multnomah County Non Emergency, how may I help you?

Me: Hi, I just saw a dude howling at the moon.

Them: Um, excuse me ... ?

Me: I just saw some dude howling at the moon.

Them: Uh ... ok. And you're calling me because ... ?

Me: He's standing in the road while he's doing it.

Them: Ah. Ok. Where is he?

Me: Right at about 127th and Stark.

Them: Ok. And what exactly is he doing?

Me: Jumping up and down, waving his arms at the sky and howling.

Them: Really?

Me: Oh yeah. Too bad we can't see the moon tonight, huh?

Them: Well, if there is no moon tonight then how do you know that's what he's doing?

Me: Well, I don't know, per se, but I saw the Powerball numbers earlier so I know he didn't win, what else would he be doing?

Them: Well, if he isn't really causing any problems then we might be able to send an officer by later when one frees up.

Me: Thank you. I'm sure the people that are having to dodge him in their cars while he's jumping in the street will be incredibly grateful.

Them: ... I'm sorry, where exactly did you say he was?

*

Other Stuff: I just went to Walgreens to pick up something after work. I hand the girl at the counter my stuff:

She: And would you like to try an Oreo Cakester this morning? and points to the display next to the register.

Me: Um ... no. But thanks for asking.

She just smiled at me. I look at the display and see the sign underneath the box of Cakesters "If we don't ask you if you'd like a Cakester you get it for free!!"

Me: Hm. So what? Now you guys are just like Taco Bell ... "If we don't ask if you'd like a drink it's free!" type o' thing?

She: I suppose so.

Me: Gotta make you appreciate your job just that much more.

She: And I get $.05 for everyone I sell.

I just smiled and left. Driving off in my truck I got to thinking how incredibly annoyed I was by this. Why can't they have something out there for charity ... "If we don't ask you if you'd like to donate we'll donate a dollar ourselves!!" instead of something fattening.

Use your powers for good, damn it.

7 comments:

whall said...

I love Oreo Cakesters! The local 7-ll used to sell chocolate covered Oreos at the check-out counter from a local vendor and then they just stopped one day. So I was looking for a replacement and the Cakesters fit the bill, even though they are absolutely not the same thing.

By the way, anyone who signs up for 1&1 Internet hosting gets me free hosting! Aren't you JUST INCREDIBLY INCENTED TO SIGN UP AND MAKE ME MORE MONEY!?!?!?

Oh, and go homeless!

Sizzle said...

Oreo Cakesters you say? I want one. Cake and Oreo what a delicious combo.

But yeah, people should do more good! And donate cakesters!

lyle said...

Wow, five whole cents for every sell? Here darling, go roast some gum for Thanksgiving!

Grax said...

Wait, your country gives away free stuff if they don't ask you if you want it? I've not heard of such a thing. What a quirky idea.

"Hi I was just browsing through your store and you didn't ask me if I would like a new 42" flat TV. Well.... :D"

On another note I wonder what happened to the howling man...

Tracy Lynn said...

I am actually wondering about the Howler as well.

Daniel said...

these stories should be connected. Like, if they don't ask you to buy their cookie they have to howl at the moon. Or if you howl at the moon the emergency svcs people will bring you a cookie. Or maybe they could make the cookies howl at the moon if you give money to charity.

I don't have all the details worked out but there must be some kind of consonance. There just must be.

Scheets said...

Wow... the things you must see. Incredible.