I have this adorably cute young woman that I pick up about 2X a week and take her to various bars. Her name is Denise. Adorable little thing. And funny. And she has the sexiest (and only) Bull Dog named Archie I've ever seen. :o) She called me last night a little before 10p and asked me to come get her.

Me: Hey there. How's tricks tonight?

She: My date hasn't called me yet.

Me: As in he stood you up?

She: I think so. We were supposed to meet at 9:30p, he called 1/2 hr ago and said he had to change his shirt and he'd call me when he was done.

Me: New guy? First date?

She: Yeah. I just met him.

Me: Ah. OK. Well, where ya off to now?

She: Cheerful Tortoise. It's near his place. Do you think I should call him?

Me: Oh yes, certainly. Call him. Tell him you had a better offer and he missed his chance.

She: WHAT?

Me: Are you kidding me? First date and he's already blowing you off and quite possibly lying to you?? Run far away from this guy. My gawd, you are waaaay too pretty to put up with that kind of shit. This ass should be johnny-on-the-spot ready and anxious to be with you. Call him. Matter of fact, gimme his number, I'LL call him.

Right then her phone rings, she tells him that she's in the cab and on her way to pick him up. He's walking down the street and couldn't call because he was 'lost'. We find him and he gets in the cab. They get their hello's outta the way and he starts asking questions: 'How do I look?' 'Do you like this shirt?' ' Do I smell all right?' 'Do you mind going to this club my friend and I went to earlier instead of the place you wanted to go because I really liked it and it reminded me of home?'

So we're off to East. A fairly short drive thru downtown.

She: Oh, and this is Trixie, she's my favorite cab driver.

He: Hunh. I've never understood why people have to have their own cab driver.

Me: Nice to meet you too.

I look at him in the rearview and he's rolling his eyes, but still doesn't say hello.

So we're tooling along 4th and come up on a red light. A rival cab van pulls up next to me from my side, full of screeching women, we can hear them from 1/2 a block away and I hear - VERY loudly - "YOU SUCK!!!!"

I look to the left and she's pointing at me. All in the span of a few seconds this is what happened: I turned my head to look at her; the other cab driver - who actually knows me - mouths 'I'm sorry' to me; the 2 in the back of my cab and all the girls in the back of the van get very quiet; the girl in the front of the van (that yelled at me - or more specifically at my company as she didn't know me personally) pulled her arm back in and put her hand over her mouth and says "Oh my gawd, it's a GIRL driving!"; and I say "Well, at least that means I have some sort of control over my mouth"; everyone listening started laughing; the light turned green and we took off.

We make it to the bar with a few more asinine comments from him about how he had a hard time picking the right cologne and the right shirt because it doesn't really go with his shoes, etc.

I pull up, he puts a $20 bill on the seat, asks her to get the change, jumps out of the car and is already IN the bar by the time she picks up the bill. I just look at her for a second.

Me: We can drive off right now, he probably won't even notice.

She: No. No. I'm sure it'll be just fine. He's just nervous about the first date and all.

Me: Ya think? Hunh. Well, you know my number, call me if you need me.

She: OK. Thank you!

So she calls me about 1a.

Me: Hey there, you guys ready to go already?

She: Yeah. Can you come get me?

Me: Unfortunately I'm on my way back from Estacada so I'm still about 45 mins from downtown, I can find someone for you tho, unless you guys want to grab whatever drives by?

She: No. Damn. I wish you were here.

Me: I can find you someone. Lemme call around ok? I 'll call you right back and let you know. Are you guys still at East?

She: No. I'm at Boiler Room. I think he's still at East though. I left him about 20 minutes after you dropped us off. He's SUCH an ass!!

Me: Whoa. You're going to have to tell me about this one. Lemme find you a cab first. I'll call you right back.

I call around and find another female cabbie here I know that's downtown and available and get her on the way and call back Denise. Turns out the reason why this guy was so anxious to get back to the same bar, and in such a hurry is because he met some woman earlier while there with his friend. He tells Denise that this woman is willing to have sex with him, but he wants to have a 'relationship' with Denise, and thought she would appreciate that he was being so 'respectful' by telling her up front that he wasn't expecting anything from her.

Never once in that call was there an 'I told ya so' bandied about.


Paradise Driver said...

Why is it that the pretty ones always hook up with the scumbags? Is it that "bad boy" temptation?

whall said...


(oh wait, is that a girl blogger?)

Donna said...


Sizzle said...

i think people should generally heed the advice of cabbies and bartenders. they KNOW people.

you were SO right on that one.

BarnGoddess said...

omg that guy was an ass. What real guy talks about cologne and clothes? my gay guy friends do!

maybe she'll listen to ya the next time.

butterfly_chic26 said...

Hi, I saw your comment over at Barngoddess' page. From your comment I thought "I have to read her blog." And YUP, I'm glad I did.

What an ass, I hate men, all men, and no i'm not lesbian, as I tend to hate women too. HAHAHA.

Iron Fist said...

What a study in contradictions: he was trying to match his shirt with his cologne (WTF?) but for the first date he was going to take her to the freakin' Cheerful Tortoise?? Don't get me wrong, I like the Best Deal in Town as much as the next (former) PSU student. But taking a girl there for a first date?

What a dunce.

forman said...

wow, amazing. i thought they were only in new york. ugh they're every where. nice post, you made it apparent, he had asshole written all over him.

Ova said...

Good post.