"Uhmmm, aren't you concerned about your husband?"

I started early today (sunday) because I ended up not working Sat night so I got sent to one of the crappier NW downtown hovels to pick up 2 people (father and daughter). I get there and they get in.

He: First, we gotta ask, do you have a problem with dogs?

Me: looking at them both for a second Do you mean 'invisible' dogs?? 'Cuz, well, they didn't have any with them. That I knew of. Ya gotta ask.

He: looking at me like I'm stupid No. I mean the real kind.

Me: 4 legs and all that? No. Not a problem. Do you have one you want to bring with us?

He: No. We need to go pick up one. Maybe 2 depending on how much we like the pups.

Me: Ah. No, no problems. But you need to grab a towel or something for them to sit on, if they're pups then I don't want them getting all twitterpated and piddlin' on the seats, ya know.

He: Sure.

He sends his daughter in to get the towels. I ask him where he's off to get the pups from.

He: Clatskanie.

Me: ... You mean hellngone past St Helens 'Clatskanie'? That one?

He: Yeah. That gonna be a problem?

Me: Uhm, you realize this is gonna be like, a hundred plus just to get you there, right?

He: Yeah, I figured as much, you want paid up front I take it huh?

Me: Well, it would be prudent on my part, dontchathink?

He: I s'pose. Here ... He hands me two 100$ bills. Will that hold you for now?

Me: Sure. Sure. You know where we're going when we get there? Our GPS doesn't go that far out.

He: No, but I got a number.

So we're off to Clatskanie. Finally make it up there and call the folks, they live on a farm out in the sticks so the lady is giving me directions as we go and I lose cell service. So does dude in back. We head back into town to get in touch with her again, she tells us her husband is on the way into town to fetch us, just wait at the store at the corner of No and Where.

So we sit there for about 15 in our obviously-from-outta-town vehicle, all the locals are pointing and staring as they drive by and a local sheriff shows up, parks across the street and just stares at us. Finally dude shows up and has us follow him. We go over the river and through the woods, and across the tracks, and thru a few fields, and down some dirt roads and finally get to their home with the sheriff following us the whole way. Interesting.

We pull in, they get out to talk to the fella, I get out to talk to the Sheriff that pulled in behind me, turns out he's looking to chat with the fella that fetched us. The fella that has a warrant out for his arrest for driving with a suspended license. So he gets arrested. While we're standing there. The lady with the dogs comes out and takes us to the puppies.

Me: Uhmmm, aren't you concerned about your husband?

She: Naw. That happens everytime he goes into town. He'll be callin' me in the morning to come and bail him out.

Me: ....

So we go look at these puppies, cute, almost full grown German Shepherds. She also has some of the most adorable little Boston Terrier puppies that aren't ready yet to be weaned and sold. And she also has about 15 kids. They're everywhere, (the kids, not the puppies) looking to be from 19 to brand new. (again, kids, not dogs) I'm doing my best not to touch anything other than the puppies ('cuz really, you just never know) and they do their business and we gather up the 2 pups and are on our way back to Ptld.

So a total of 3 hours and $280. later we're back to civilization. He gave me another 100 for the trip and then tipped me another 50. Not a bad haul.


Donna said...

I'm amazed. He spent almost as much getting those pups as my husband clears in a week.

whall said...

heh. Corner of No and Where.

BarnGoddess said...

you are a cop magnet! haha

wow-a lot for a couple of near grown pups.

Dave2 said...

But you didn't get a puppy out of the deal!

Andrew said...

That has to be one of the most hysterical descriptive stories I have read in some time...great job!