It was one of *those* nights last night ...

I started a little late last night (1 a.m.) and this is how my night went:

1) Sent to pick up a guy from outer S.E. that missed his bus due to a bachelor party and needed a ride home, not too far away, and all the other guys were too drunk to drive. After we got the where ya goin' stuff outta the way he starts ... eyeballin' me. He asked me out. Me: How old are you? He: 30. How old are you? Me: 1/2 again as old as you. In the time it took to explain to him how to figure that out I got him home and out of the cab - to his wife.

2) Two blocks away from the last one I got stopped at a light and a young lady on the corner knocked on my passenger side window looking for a ride. She hopped in and had a somewhat desperate look in her eye. She started blabbering right away: "Oh God thank you. Thank you! I missed my last bus, I've been drinking after I got off work and stayed a little late. Oh wow, I am SO glad to see you. If you weren't a girl I'd kiss you right now. I've never seen a girl cab driver before. Has anyone ever kissed you for a ride? I think I might just kiss you anyway. Wow. What a night." I just kept looking at her while driving as she blabbered. It was a long 4 miles.

3) After I dropped her off I was on my way to my next ride and got pulled over for speeding. I was doing about 4 over. Nice enough Officer. He let me go w/a warning.

4) This ride was a drunk lesbian looking to head to the closest open gas station to get more beer so she could sit at home alone and be depressed about the fact that she moved here to be closer to the 2nd largest gay/lesbian population in the country and couldn't find a gf. I told her she was living in the wrong neighborhood. Then she decided to ask me out. After I explained to her that the baseball cap was just to keep my hair out of my eyes and not meant to be any sort of gender identification she decided she was even more depressed. "Now I'm getting turned down by a cab driver of all things ... did God not mean for me to be a lesbian?!!" I stayed away from that one and got her home, quickly.

5) Got sent to the Tualatin Police Dept to get some guy being released at 3:30a-ish. (I'm betting DUI since that's usually the time they're released) I'm tooling down the freeway and got pulled over, again, for speeding. Doing about 5 over this time. Sadly, this officer had a very small sense of humor. As he was standing there looking at my license and cab registration/insurance I asked him if he could give me directions to their shop to pick up dude. He eyeballed me for a minute then gave me directions, handed me my stuff back and let me go w/a warning. Whew.

6) Picked up dude from the p.d. (Yes, DUI) Got new tires on his truck, a bit larger than normal (35's) and it threw off his speedo. Said he was doing about 25 over and truck got impounded. I explained that here in OR if you do anything 20 over the p.d. can impound and arrest. He said he also blew a .12 (.08 is legal). Got him home to his very angry woman (waiting at the door) and drove off.

7) Doing about 5 over the speed limit on the way to the freeway back into town and had an officer pull up behind me and turn his lights on. When I pulled over he pulled up next to me and told me to slow down and drove off.

I decided that was enough tempting fate, I headed back to the lot to turn in the cab. Did under the speed limit the entire way.


Eeshie said...

These cops are too uptight.


Also, I tagged you on my most recent post cause' your blog is hilarious. Just sayin'.

Donna said...

I'm glad you've dusted off your blog and started telling your stories again.

Anonymous said...

Just discovered your blog when googling "drunk cab portland". (A co-worker claims there are low fare/free rides to folks who are drunk. Told her maybe on New Year's Eve, but all the time? I doubt it...)

Anyway, great stories, well written. A pleasure. Thanks!

Executive Walls said...

cool blog. great artwork.