This is the one that made me stop early last night:

I get sent to a bar in Beaverton about 1:45a. It's been a typical slow Monday night so the only thing to really look forward to is the -lack of- bar rush at 2:30 when they all close. I'd been sitting for about 1.5 hrs before this, reading. I had just finished my book (Terry Brooks ya'll!) and was seriously considering going home when I got this call.

I head over to Monty's and flag the 'tender to have him find my folks and go wait in the car. This guy and girl come out. Drunker'n all get out, staggering and yelling at the cars driving bar. Which, btw, are nowhere near where they are. They just think it's funny.

They walk up to my car, the side window is down and the girl gets excited 'cuz they got a girl cab driver! She gets so excited that when she flops down into the back seat she loses her balance and grabs the door frame to catch herself. And takes my weather stripping for that door with her. :-(
It comes about 1/2 way out and is basically wrapped around her drunken neck.

She: What the fuck ... ? Is this?

And pulls it away from her, across the seat and just yanks the entire thing off.

I got that look on my face. You know the one I'm talking about.

She: WHAT? I didn't do that!! I don't know what the fuck is wrong with your car. I didn't TOUCH that damned thing. Don't look at me like that. FUCK.

The guy gets in the car, rolls up the weather stripping and tells me he'll pay me extra to get them home. It's not that far, (I've actually picked these two up before, it isn't that far. And last time they were just as drunk as they are now) and he'll pay me extra for the weather stripping.

Whatever. Get the fuck in and lets go.

She: It's my birthday!! silence. I think she was expecting me to say something. What? Oh. You're pissed. I get it. Your piece of shit car falls apart and you're pissed at ME! Shit.

The guy calms her down. Shuts her up. She offers to blow him in the cab since it's her birthday and " ... that bitch of a cab driver won't care. Might be the only thing that makes her smile tonight."

I pull over, we're only about 2 blocks from their home.

Me: That's it. You're walking. Have a good night.

The woman gets out, slams the back drivers' side door and walks around to the passenger side. The guy is trying to convince me that I should just take them the rest of the way. He has $40 in his hand and asking if I want more when she opens his door to tell him to get out and not pay me for anything since I'm making them walk.

When she yanks open the door and tries to lean in and reach for him she loses balance, again, and grabs the door panel this time.

Yep. Yanked it right the fuck off. I got pissed. I can only take so much, yanno?

Me: What the FUCK? If you can't handle your fucking alcohol then for Crissakes stay at home and tear up your own shit!

I put the car in park and get out. Dude has got out of the car and is trying to help her up. She's bitching about suing the company for the piece of shit car that just attacked her and made her fall to the ground.

I just walk around and grab the door panel from the ground, put it in the car and drive off. Pissed. But restrained myself from saying something further to the drunks 'cuz really, ya can't argue with stupid drunk.

BTW: He left $60 on my back seat. I had to turn in my cab for maintenance after them 'cuz I couldn't pick up anyone else after that. Not really worth it, but hey, I didn't have to kill anyone.

1 comment:

Manic Witch said...

And you seriously have to deal with this shit night, after night? Bless your heart. I would have killed someone by now.
But thanks for letting us in on your catharsis. Remember, we're laughing with you, not at you.