7/30/08

Holy ... effin' ... don't MAKE me come in there!!!

3a: last night ... very slow night anyway ...

On the 'puter screen:

There is a lady at 223rd ne Halsey needs to go to Walmart, wants driver to help her w/groceries while meter runs.

I take it, I'm not too far from there anyway. I pull up.

Me: Hiya. This is your driver. I'm here, sitting in front of apt 674 (changed for your benefit ... I'm sure at least one of you'se guys is gonna wanna go hunt her down).

She: I live in 675.

Me: Yes, well there is no parking in front of 675 so I'm in front of 674.

She: You need to go down Halsey to ...

Me: No, ma'am, I'm here, now.

She: And turn left at 223rd ...

Me: I did. I'm here. NOW.

She: Turn into some-nasty-apt-complex-name to the ...

Me: MA'AM. I'm here, right now, in front of your apt.

She: ... to the last driveway. All the way to the back.

Me: One more time, MA'AM. LISTEN to me, I ... AM ... HERE ... NOW. Do you hear me?

She: Oh. WeeeeEEEEeeellll ... you're here?

Me: Yes. praying: thank you, thank youthankyou

She: NOW?

Me: Yeeeees. Right now. In front of your apt. Waiting on you.

She: Well. Are you going to help me with my groceries?

Me: Yes ma'am. As soon as you get in the cab and we go.

She: But that nice young man on the phone said he was going to find someone to help me with my groceries and call me back.

Me: He DID find someone. That's me. I'm here. Are you ready to go?

She: Well, no.

Me: Excuse me?

She: I was waiting for that nice man to call me back. I need help with my groceries.

Me: Ma'am, AGAIN, I am GOING to help you with your groceries if you get in my car ... RIGHT NOW.

She: But. I'm in my pajamas.

Me: So you called a cab when you weren't ready to go, is that right?

She: But he was supposed to call me back when he found someone to help me with my groceries.

Me: at this point I've already voided the call and am leaving her driveway. He did, he called me because you called him and now I'm here, calling you and you aren't ready to go when I call. decipher THAT one wench.

She: ......

Me: How long would you like me to wait?

She: 10 minutes.

Me: I'm not waiting 10 minutes.

She: What do you MEAN you aren't waiting?

Me: When you call a cab you are supposed to be ready to go. Them's the rules.

She: So ... you're just going to leave me here? With no food.

Me: Apparently. BUT, why don't you get dressed now, when you're READY TO LEAVE, call the company and they'll send you another cab.

She: Are they going to send you?

Me: No chance of me ever coming back here.

She: Good. I don't like you anyway.

And she hung up on me.

My conclusion is she wanted a man to give her some attention. Yanno what I mean? Bitch.

Other Stuff: Can I just say ... Holy effin' Keerist Batman!! WTF were the Braves thinking letting Teixeira go???? HUNH??!!! Who the eff is gonna switch hit after Chipper like that? I guess I should just be thankful that they at least waited long enough that we didn't have to pick up Big Sexy from the Mariners. Yet. 'Cuz you KNOW the Yankees are gonna dump him after his $390K's worth of work is over.

More Other Stuff: Speaking of Batman: Why is it I was the only person - in the entire effin' theater - that laughed out loud at the "magic trick" the Joker did with the disappearing pencil?? THAT was COMEDIC GENIUS and everyone in the theater looked at me like I was a criminal. Seriously. And I can tell you I don't have any sort of annoying laugh. Plebs.

10 comments:

Sizzle said...

I picture her as an old lady. Was she old? Did she sound old?

Good God I would have pummeled her.

kapgar said...

Too funny.

So when are you going to realize the Braves suck? Give it up already!

Oh, and Katie and I both laughed hysterically when the Joker did that. Many others did as well. It was hysterical.

TrixieTaxi said...

Sizz: Yeah, she sounded old, until it got to the "What do you mean you're not waiting 10 min" part. Then she got young, real fast.

Kapgar: Good to know it wasn't just me. And a big, wet, sloppy pbbbbbt!! on you and whatcha think of me and my Braves. Bobby Cox is still the best manager in baseball. Long as he's still there I'm gonna be hanging too.

Anonymous said...

Lots of laughter at the magic trick. Even more at "you complete me". Sadly, kept getting distracted by explosions - dood! Bus! - and locations - shiny! my office!! - and must go see it again. Several times. In IMax. Bloody awesome movie.

Jenn L at Needleful Things (OpenID is coming back invalid... stupid Blogger)

Iron Fist said...

My reaction to the magic trick was equal parts laughter and "oh, SHIT!"

dardardrinks said...

I loved the jokers magic trick.

Liz said...

Apparently you belong in Seatttle because both times I've seen it here the whole theater went balistic. Wonderful!

Liz in Seattle

Rik said...

I laughed like a maniac.

Grax said...

Watched The Dark Knight over the weekend. The Joker's magic trick was indeed comedy genius. I was cracking up and so were a few other people in the theatre.

Lucky said...

ah laughed at it too. The others weren't ready to laugh at an action movie yet i figure.

but anyway, Batman Begins was better, there i said it.