I got sent out to the Skyline Pub (about 265th se stark) round about 1:30a last night to pick up these 2 really drunk cow-chicks. They were in the bathroom when I got there so I had to wait a few for these 2 to come staggering out to the car so I could take them 3 blocks to get home.

3 blocks. Apparently the designated driver got drunk so they opted to call a cab. (Just for the record, I'm not really opposed to these calls, I'd rather deal with the $4/ride than to have anyone on the road drunk driving. Even if I do have to drive 18 miles to pick 'em up.)

One of them was laying across the seat and the other had to dig in her purse to get her debit card out to pay the $4 tab, with no tip. The one laying on the seat was rooting around in the back seat for something: on the floor, on the seat. I asked if she was all right, she just gave me a dirty look and slammed my car door. I just smiled and drove off. Typical drunk. Usually the females are the ones that slam the door.

Anyway, on the way to my next call (and less than 5 minutes later) I get a msg on my screen with a phone number telling me to call it about a lost purse. I pull over and check the back seat, nothing there. I call the number.

Me: Hey, this is your cab driver.

She: Yeah. I left my purse in your cab.

Me: No, actually, you didn't. I pulled over to look and it's not here.

She: Are you sure?

Me: Yup. Are you sure you had it with you?

She: Well, hell. Where ELSE would it be? It HAS to be in your cab.

Me: Well, hell. It could be at the bar 'cuz it's not in my cab.

She: So, WHAT? You stole my purse?

Me: Nooo. Did you call the bar?

She: I didn't GO to no bar tonight damn it. It's in your damn cab!! I KNOW I left it there.

Me: Just like you KNOW you didn't go to a bar tonight, right?

She: What the hell are you talking about?

Me: I picked you up FROM a bar. And when you call ask them to check the bathroom, that's where you were when I got there.

She: Bull puckey. (heh) I told you, I didn't GO to no bar tonight. SSSIIIIIIIISSSSSSEEEEE!!! yelling at her friend Where did we go tonight? ............ WHAT bar?? Shit. All right. to me Never mind. and she hung up on me.

Me: looking at my phone You're welcome.


Tracy Lynn said...

Cow chicks, indeed.

adena said...


Mel said...

Man. Those Gresham gals are just pure-dee class, ain't they?


Lucky said...

when i grow up, i wanna be a cow

Anonymous said...

yeah I know you, you're a thief, you're taking me "the long way" and running up the meter on purpose. Maybe you should get into politics?

whall said...

The world sighs relief that I don't drive a cab.

Lugosi said...

My personal philosophy: If you don't tip me, you better not leave anything behind in the cab.