I picked up a coupla fellas that escaped from Idaho for one of the guys bachelor party, they were bar hopping in 2 cabs for the night. I took them from downtown to Sassy's just across the river. They were funny and making fun of the bachelor.
FriendI: to me Our friend here is trying to enjoy his last free night as a single man ... can you show us a good time?
Me: Nah. The bachelors always get angry with me ... I'll just take you guys where you wanna go.
Bachelor: Whaddaya mean we get angry with you?
Me: I'm the one driving you to where you get to watch your friends have fun and drool over the women that you will never, EVER have again. Always makes you guys angry by the end of the night.
Fr1: Yeah man! Never again! She's got it ... you're stuck w/one pussy for the rest of your life!!!
Bach: It's all right man ... it could be a lot worse. She's all right. I'll just throw some grits and honey on it and we'll be fine.
Fr1: "... throw some grits on it"?? Man. WTF you talking about??
Bach: I'm from down south. We throw grits on everything and it's all right.
Everyone in the car is really quiet and just staring at the bachelor and I pop up ...
Me: Well. Just from a woman's point of view: we don't want you throwing no grits on ANYthing ... but most especially not on our bodies.
Bach: after everyone quit laughing But ... everything's better with grits on it.
Me: Nooooo, everything's better with BACON on it, but we don't want you putting any of that shit on us either.
Fr1: She's right there man. Bacon makes it all good. But I'm curious, why wouldn't you want us putting anything on you?
Me: 2 reasons. One, you guys don't eat it all ... no matter how much shit you talk. You know it, we know it and it just makes a mess. And two: you aren't the ones cleaning it all up afterwards.
We all laughed and more than 1/2 of them agreed with me.
Bach: Wow ... this has got to be the best cab ride EVER. You're funny!!
Me: You wanna see funny?? Lemme have your fiance's phone number ... now THAT would be amusing. :)
Bach: Hell no ... I'm not stupid!!
Fr1: I have her phone number ... wait ... even better I think you should be my date to the wedding tomorrow!!
Bach: Dude ... what are you trying to do to me ... she'd kill me!
I got 'em over to Sassy's and the Fr1 got me to give him a ride to the ATM a few blocks away where he tried to convince me I needed to go to the wedding w/him.
I declined. :)