Wandering about w/a couple from outta town late at night. We were getting close to the address they were looking for so I was driving slowly looking and not really paying attention to what they were saying. We had been yucking it up the whole way from the airport ...
She: Oh wow ... I can't believe people actually say that kind of stuff!
Me: Oh, you know, throw some alcohol in the mix and people will say anything.
She: So, how would you describe your job?
Me: looking ... Ummmm cross between a baby sitter and looking human trafficker.
That one's going on my business card. :)
And here's an old one that I find amusing that I'm gonna recycle for your amusement:
Young friendly couple in my cab looking through the want ads looking at the help wanted section.
He: What do you suppose that is?
She: I don't know. Hey driver, what do you think a "hay fluffer" is?
Me: Someone that blows the donkey for the animal porn. :)
PSA: I'm taking the "reactions" part of my comments off the blog. Sorry if that bothers anyone but I prefer to read comments/reactions rather than just see how many people clicked "funny" or whatever.
5/29/11
Bachelor party
I picked up a coupla fellas that escaped from Idaho for one of the guys bachelor party, they were bar hopping in 2 cabs for the night. I took them from downtown to Sassy's just across the river. They were funny and making fun of the bachelor.
FriendI: to me Our friend here is trying to enjoy his last free night as a single man ... can you show us a good time?
Me: Nah. The bachelors always get angry with me ... I'll just take you guys where you wanna go.
Bachelor: Whaddaya mean we get angry with you?
Me: I'm the one driving you to where you get to watch your friends have fun and drool over the women that you will never, EVER have again. Always makes you guys angry by the end of the night.
Fr1: Yeah man! Never again! She's got it ... you're stuck w/one pussy for the rest of your life!!!
Bach: It's all right man ... it could be a lot worse. She's all right. I'll just throw some grits and honey on it and we'll be fine.
Fr1: "... throw some grits on it"?? Man. WTF you talking about??
Bach: I'm from down south. We throw grits on everything and it's all right.
Everyone in the car is really quiet and just staring at the bachelor and I pop up ...
Me: Well. Just from a woman's point of view: we don't want you throwing no grits on ANYthing ... but most especially not on our bodies.
Bach: after everyone quit laughing But ... everything's better with grits on it.
Me: Nooooo, everything's better with BACON on it, but we don't want you putting any of that shit on us either.
Fr1: She's right there man. Bacon makes it all good. But I'm curious, why wouldn't you want us putting anything on you?
Me: 2 reasons. One, you guys don't eat it all ... no matter how much shit you talk. You know it, we know it and it just makes a mess. And two: you aren't the ones cleaning it all up afterwards.
We all laughed and more than 1/2 of them agreed with me.
Bach: Wow ... this has got to be the best cab ride EVER. You're funny!!
Me: You wanna see funny?? Lemme have your fiance's phone number ... now THAT would be amusing. :)
Bach: Hell no ... I'm not stupid!!
Fr1: I have her phone number ... wait ... even better I think you should be my date to the wedding tomorrow!!
Bach: Dude ... what are you trying to do to me ... she'd kill me!
I got 'em over to Sassy's and the Fr1 got me to give him a ride to the ATM a few blocks away where he tried to convince me I needed to go to the wedding w/him.
I declined. :)
FriendI: to me Our friend here is trying to enjoy his last free night as a single man ... can you show us a good time?
Me: Nah. The bachelors always get angry with me ... I'll just take you guys where you wanna go.
Bachelor: Whaddaya mean we get angry with you?
Me: I'm the one driving you to where you get to watch your friends have fun and drool over the women that you will never, EVER have again. Always makes you guys angry by the end of the night.
Fr1: Yeah man! Never again! She's got it ... you're stuck w/one pussy for the rest of your life!!!
Bach: It's all right man ... it could be a lot worse. She's all right. I'll just throw some grits and honey on it and we'll be fine.
Fr1: "... throw some grits on it"?? Man. WTF you talking about??
Bach: I'm from down south. We throw grits on everything and it's all right.
Everyone in the car is really quiet and just staring at the bachelor and I pop up ...
Me: Well. Just from a woman's point of view: we don't want you throwing no grits on ANYthing ... but most especially not on our bodies.
Bach: after everyone quit laughing But ... everything's better with grits on it.
Me: Nooooo, everything's better with BACON on it, but we don't want you putting any of that shit on us either.
Fr1: She's right there man. Bacon makes it all good. But I'm curious, why wouldn't you want us putting anything on you?
Me: 2 reasons. One, you guys don't eat it all ... no matter how much shit you talk. You know it, we know it and it just makes a mess. And two: you aren't the ones cleaning it all up afterwards.
We all laughed and more than 1/2 of them agreed with me.
Bach: Wow ... this has got to be the best cab ride EVER. You're funny!!
Me: You wanna see funny?? Lemme have your fiance's phone number ... now THAT would be amusing. :)
Bach: Hell no ... I'm not stupid!!
Fr1: I have her phone number ... wait ... even better I think you should be my date to the wedding tomorrow!!
Bach: Dude ... what are you trying to do to me ... she'd kill me!
I got 'em over to Sassy's and the Fr1 got me to give him a ride to the ATM a few blocks away where he tried to convince me I needed to go to the wedding w/him.
I declined. :)
5/7/11
"I bet you just looooove Yanni now huh?"
Picked up this younger-ish couple (25 +/-) wandering about in inner NW Ptld. They flagged me down and hopped in. They'd gotten lost and gave me directions on how to get where they were going on the other side of downtown "... just near the Marriott on Naito."
We're off. They're from Corvallis - a backwater town about 2 hrs southeast of here where OSU is - and they're laughing about someone saying something about them being husband/wife.
She: I don't understand why everyone assumes we're either husband and wife or brother and sister. Can't a man and woman just be friends?
Me: I thought they were mutually exclusive if you're from Corvallis ... husband/wife ... brother/sister ... :)
He: I can see that. We're not actually from there, we just moved there.
So we make s'more fun of the town and guy asked me about the game I was listening to on the radio ...
Me: Mariners and Texas Rangers. It's pretty much the only thing you can find on the radio for sports around here.
She: I can't listen to sports on the radio. It's so boring.
He: Baseball isn't so bad. At least you can follow it.
Me: It's not like watching golf. And it certainly beats the hell outta soccer! Holy Baby Jesus I tried, I reaaaallly tried to listen to the game last night but man I gotta say it was like going to a Yanni concert ... beYOND boring.
We all laughed and chatted s'more.
I got 'em to where they were going - The Keller Auditorium.
Me: So, what's going on here tonight?
He: We're going to a Yanni concert.
Me: HA! That's funny. :)
He: I'm serious.
I looked up at the marquis ... holy SHIT! He wasn't kidding.
Me: Oh holy shit. I am SO sorry. I mean ... I just ... ah hell.
He: I bet you feel bad now huh?
Me: Well. Not really. I mean, not "bad" but I am sorry. But honestly ... it's Yanni ... I just can't ... pssht. I'll just shut up now.
He: I bet you just looooove Yanni now huh?
Me: Oh hell no. But I can say I'm sorry again if that matters. I mean, shit. Customer service yanno? How could I know I'd get the only 2 Yanni fans on this side of the country in my cab when I spout off about how boring I find his music to be. shrug Sorry.
They didn't say much else and got out pretty quickly.
Yup. Sometimes it goes deeper than the foot in the mouth. :)
We're off. They're from Corvallis - a backwater town about 2 hrs southeast of here where OSU is - and they're laughing about someone saying something about them being husband/wife.
She: I don't understand why everyone assumes we're either husband and wife or brother and sister. Can't a man and woman just be friends?
Me: I thought they were mutually exclusive if you're from Corvallis ... husband/wife ... brother/sister ... :)
He: I can see that. We're not actually from there, we just moved there.
So we make s'more fun of the town and guy asked me about the game I was listening to on the radio ...
Me: Mariners and Texas Rangers. It's pretty much the only thing you can find on the radio for sports around here.
She: I can't listen to sports on the radio. It's so boring.
He: Baseball isn't so bad. At least you can follow it.
Me: It's not like watching golf. And it certainly beats the hell outta soccer! Holy Baby Jesus I tried, I reaaaallly tried to listen to the game last night but man I gotta say it was like going to a Yanni concert ... beYOND boring.
We all laughed and chatted s'more.
I got 'em to where they were going - The Keller Auditorium.
Me: So, what's going on here tonight?
He: We're going to a Yanni concert.
Me: HA! That's funny. :)
He: I'm serious.
I looked up at the marquis ... holy SHIT! He wasn't kidding.
Me: Oh holy shit. I am SO sorry. I mean ... I just ... ah hell.
He: I bet you feel bad now huh?
Me: Well. Not really. I mean, not "bad" but I am sorry. But honestly ... it's Yanni ... I just can't ... pssht. I'll just shut up now.
He: I bet you just looooove Yanni now huh?
Me: Oh hell no. But I can say I'm sorry again if that matters. I mean, shit. Customer service yanno? How could I know I'd get the only 2 Yanni fans on this side of the country in my cab when I spout off about how boring I find his music to be. shrug Sorry.
They didn't say much else and got out pretty quickly.
Yup. Sometimes it goes deeper than the foot in the mouth. :)
5/4/11
I am so going to hell ... :)
I got sent to pick up this younger fella (about 24) one night about 2:15 am that needed to leave RIGHT NOW to get to the Plaid and grab s'more beer before they closed.
We were chatting about why he waited so late to do a beer run (Play Station) and why it was him instead if one of the other roommates that are running (rock, paper scissors) and then we got to chatting about my drawings (sketch book was on the seat when he hopped in).
Anyway, long story short, he wanted me to draw him a picture to be made into a tattoo. 4 horses of the Apocalypse. Apparently the name of the white rider is the same as his, in German or something of that nature. It stuck in my mind for a bit, then one day I decided to draw it. Turned out pretty cool IMHO (which is the only one you'll get as I didn't take any pictures) and a few days ago I decided to give it to him (I have the drawing in one of those tube things). It's been about 2 wks since I picked him up. One of his roomies answered the door ...
Me: Hey, is Chris here?
R1: Yeah. One second. Um, who are you?
Me: Trixie. I'm a ... friend of Chris'.
R1: Hunh. looking me up and down One second. CHRIS! yelling. There's a GIRL here to see you! to me Come on in.
Chris: COMING!
I sit down and his roomie is trying to come up w/some sort of conversation.
R1: So. You know Chris.
Me: Apparently.
R1: Um. How?
Me: We met not too long ago.
R1: Hunh. Wait ... are you the one he met a few days ago??
Me: Weeeelll, you could put it that way.
R1: No. I mean, are you ... THAT one?
Me: Possibly. You mean there's more than one?
Roomie # 2 walked out at this point and sat down.
R1: This is the chick that Chris met the other night.
R2: Reeeeeeally? Wow.
Me: "Chick"? Really? I bet he didn't even remember my name did he?
R2: Oh man ... we heard all about you!
Me: "All about"?? What exactly did he tell you?
R1: That you were here all night.
R2: And it took him all day to clean the house afterwards.
R1: And the screaming.
R2: Yeah. The screaming.
Me: Oh man he really did tell you about it, didn't he? I'm gonna kill him.
Then he came walking out. And of course, didn't remember me.
Me: Hi Baby. How you been? You recover ok?
He: Um. Hi. I'm ok. Um. Recover?
Me: From the other night. I thought you weren't going to tell anyone.
He: Uhhhhhm. Wait. Do I KNOW you??
His friends are watching us like a tennis match.
Me: Know me? Do you KNOW ME?? How could you FORGET me?
He: Uhhhhh
Me: And you DID tell them it was YOU that was doing all the screaming. Right? Man, that grape jelly made you come unGLUEd. It was so hot ...
He: Uhhhhh
Wow. This is fun ... poor boy is squirming and sweating ... it should be said that I am quite a bit older than he is. heh
Me: What? Not even a hug? After everything we did?
He: Iiiiiii ... he looks down at the tube I'm carrying
Me: You asked me to bring back the ... well ... I don't know if I can say it in front of your roommies ... but here. This is for you. I KNOW you want this, badly. I mean, you were begging me to bring it back. I hand it over to him. He looks almost afraid of touching it much less looking inside.
This was way too much fun. I took pity on him and told them what was going on. Kid almost collapsed in relief. ;)
We were chatting about why he waited so late to do a beer run (Play Station) and why it was him instead if one of the other roommates that are running (rock, paper scissors) and then we got to chatting about my drawings (sketch book was on the seat when he hopped in).
Anyway, long story short, he wanted me to draw him a picture to be made into a tattoo. 4 horses of the Apocalypse. Apparently the name of the white rider is the same as his, in German or something of that nature. It stuck in my mind for a bit, then one day I decided to draw it. Turned out pretty cool IMHO (which is the only one you'll get as I didn't take any pictures) and a few days ago I decided to give it to him (I have the drawing in one of those tube things). It's been about 2 wks since I picked him up. One of his roomies answered the door ...
Me: Hey, is Chris here?
R1: Yeah. One second. Um, who are you?
Me: Trixie. I'm a ... friend of Chris'.
R1: Hunh. looking me up and down One second. CHRIS! yelling. There's a GIRL here to see you! to me Come on in.
Chris: COMING!
I sit down and his roomie is trying to come up w/some sort of conversation.
R1: So. You know Chris.
Me: Apparently.
R1: Um. How?
Me: We met not too long ago.
R1: Hunh. Wait ... are you the one he met a few days ago??
Me: Weeeelll, you could put it that way.
R1: No. I mean, are you ... THAT one?
Me: Possibly. You mean there's more than one?
Roomie # 2 walked out at this point and sat down.
R1: This is the chick that Chris met the other night.
R2: Reeeeeeally? Wow.
Me: "Chick"? Really? I bet he didn't even remember my name did he?
R2: Oh man ... we heard all about you!
Me: "All about"?? What exactly did he tell you?
R1: That you were here all night.
R2: And it took him all day to clean the house afterwards.
R1: And the screaming.
R2: Yeah. The screaming.
Me: Oh man he really did tell you about it, didn't he? I'm gonna kill him.
Then he came walking out. And of course, didn't remember me.
Me: Hi Baby. How you been? You recover ok?
He: Um. Hi. I'm ok. Um. Recover?
Me: From the other night. I thought you weren't going to tell anyone.
He: Uhhhhhm. Wait. Do I KNOW you??
His friends are watching us like a tennis match.
Me: Know me? Do you KNOW ME?? How could you FORGET me?
He: Uhhhhh
Me: And you DID tell them it was YOU that was doing all the screaming. Right? Man, that grape jelly made you come unGLUEd. It was so hot ...
He: Uhhhhh
Wow. This is fun ... poor boy is squirming and sweating ... it should be said that I am quite a bit older than he is. heh
Me: What? Not even a hug? After everything we did?
He: Iiiiiii ... he looks down at the tube I'm carrying
Me: You asked me to bring back the ... well ... I don't know if I can say it in front of your roommies ... but here. This is for you. I KNOW you want this, badly. I mean, you were begging me to bring it back. I hand it over to him. He looks almost afraid of touching it much less looking inside.
This was way too much fun. I took pity on him and told them what was going on. Kid almost collapsed in relief. ;)
5/2/11
Sometimes when I get bored I will ...
troll Google checking out the various comments and/or articles on the Portland taxi cab business. Sometimes I find something entertaining, sometimes not. This time I found a very slight mention of me in someone's blog. I love to hear when I do well, other than from the people in my cab.
http://www.excelthrulearning.com/blog/the-cab-drivers-of-portland-oregon.html
One thing I think is very underrated these days is letting someone know when they've done something that makes you happy, or smile, or even just done their job well enough to not make you hate them or their service for you. I *always* go out of my way to let someone know when they've done well, and I will often let someone higher up than them know as well. I actually started doing that a few years back after having other "service industry" people mention the great service and tipping better because of it. It made me appreciate them more and branch out w/my own praise and/or tips.
Of all my rides I would say that, conservatively, 95% of them are good. And this is mostly due to me. May sound a bit conceited, but I AM the one driving the cab and interacting w/these people. I am often the first person they really get to see or talk to when they first come to Portland. I love my city, and for the most part, truly enjoy my job. It may not seem so all the time from the stories I write on here, but jeez ... I sit on my ass, drive around all night and generally talk and yuk it up. If it weren't for the incredibly unstable economy and the fact that I have absolutely no job security this could be a perfect job. Well, that and the danger factor, but I try to minimize that as much as possible. :)
I've had friends mention that I should change up my blog a bit and start getting more reactive type of stories on here: letting the people in my cab know that I have a blog and they could possibly make it on here. I can see how this could certainly increase my readership and possibly lead to something lucrative but that just isn't how I roll. I'm much more laid back and honestly, if I were to let people know this when they got in the cab I think it could potentially cause more problems. I'm cool w/my blog the way it is.
I hope this will inspire some of you to thank someone for helping you or even just doing their jobs well. We need more positive reinforcement in this economy ... a smile and a thank you don't cost anything and will often make you feel better. :)
Happy Spring ya'll!!
http://www.excelthrulearning.com/blog/the-cab-drivers-of-portland-oregon.html
One thing I think is very underrated these days is letting someone know when they've done something that makes you happy, or smile, or even just done their job well enough to not make you hate them or their service for you. I *always* go out of my way to let someone know when they've done well, and I will often let someone higher up than them know as well. I actually started doing that a few years back after having other "service industry" people mention the great service and tipping better because of it. It made me appreciate them more and branch out w/my own praise and/or tips.
Of all my rides I would say that, conservatively, 95% of them are good. And this is mostly due to me. May sound a bit conceited, but I AM the one driving the cab and interacting w/these people. I am often the first person they really get to see or talk to when they first come to Portland. I love my city, and for the most part, truly enjoy my job. It may not seem so all the time from the stories I write on here, but jeez ... I sit on my ass, drive around all night and generally talk and yuk it up. If it weren't for the incredibly unstable economy and the fact that I have absolutely no job security this could be a perfect job. Well, that and the danger factor, but I try to minimize that as much as possible. :)
I've had friends mention that I should change up my blog a bit and start getting more reactive type of stories on here: letting the people in my cab know that I have a blog and they could possibly make it on here. I can see how this could certainly increase my readership and possibly lead to something lucrative but that just isn't how I roll. I'm much more laid back and honestly, if I were to let people know this when they got in the cab I think it could potentially cause more problems. I'm cool w/my blog the way it is.
I hope this will inspire some of you to thank someone for helping you or even just doing their jobs well. We need more positive reinforcement in this economy ... a smile and a thank you don't cost anything and will often make you feel better. :)
Happy Spring ya'll!!
5/1/11
Before I switched my vehicle and hours ...
there was this older lady I used to pick up a Lot. She lives in S.E. Ptld and goes to the all the bars that are w/in $5.00 of her home (there's about 6). She's 74 and her vision is going. Very friendly. She never remembers me (she's always drunk) but she's a very chatty woman, for the short ride.
Every time I pick her up - from the bar - she tells me that she hasn't been drinking. She NEVER drinks, she just goes there to socialize as she's old and lonely. She must drink whiskey because I can smell her from quite a ways away and I always have to help her to the cab as she has a hard time walking away from the bar.
Anyway, she tells me - every single time - that she's having some problems w/her sugar levels that's why she is having problems walking.
So, now that I've switched my hours to a bit earlier I am taking her to the bar instead of picking her up and taking her home and it smells like she is pre-gaming the bar.
Color me suspicious.
Every time I pick her up - from the bar - she tells me that she hasn't been drinking. She NEVER drinks, she just goes there to socialize as she's old and lonely. She must drink whiskey because I can smell her from quite a ways away and I always have to help her to the cab as she has a hard time walking away from the bar.
Anyway, she tells me - every single time - that she's having some problems w/her sugar levels that's why she is having problems walking.
So, now that I've switched my hours to a bit earlier I am taking her to the bar instead of picking her up and taking her home and it smells like she is pre-gaming the bar.
Color me suspicious.
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