I picked up this somewhat affluent couple from the Ptld Golf Club t'other night - middle-aged attorneys - she was stumbling drunk, he wasn't even close to that. He poured her into my cab and got in behind me, we were off to NE Ptld, about 25 minutes, plus/minus.
We're tooling along and they aren't speaking much. He pretty much refuses to talk to me, which doesn't really phase me as he's got "that look" about him. She asks me how I'm doing and he tells her to "just be quiet" and she does, for about a minute, then she starts babbling about how drunk she is.
He: I'm hungry. Are you hungry? You didn't eat much. Of course you never do, you just drink.
She: I'm hungry for YOU baby.
He: Yes, well, I want food. How about we stop at the Whatever Bar (I didn't hear which one) and get some food? Maybe another drink?
She: I just want to go home baby.
He: Yes, well, I don't think you'll be able to cook anything decent in the state you're in so how about we stop and get something to eat? Maybe some of that Chinese that you're always sneaking when I'm not around?
She: Baby, I don't need any more to drink, I just want to fuck you! I holding that she thought she was whispering.
He: Ah yes, there's my beautiful wife. You can take the girl out of the trailer park and give her a 200K education, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl.
She: Yeah, fuck you!
He: Yes, well, if we go to the bar then I'm telling you now, you don't get to talk. At all.
At this point the alcohol has caught up with her; her head is lolling about on the back of the seat and she's starting to breathe heavily. I've seen this look before. This isn't going to end well. We tool along for about 5 minutes in silence, when I'm guessing he was getting desperate as he started to make small talk with me.
We aren't really chatting about anything substantial (good thing too, I don't think my little cab-driver mind could have handled it) and stop at a light at the corner of MLK and Alberta, she opens the back door and leans out a bit.
Me: All rightee, I'm going to pull over now.
He: No, she's fine, just take us home instead of to the bar.
She: I ... um ... I don't ... feel ...
Me: OK, I'll pull over right up there in the parking lot. Are you going to be OK until then?
He: She is FINE. She will NOT get sick in a cab like a common drunkard. Take me home, and if she DOES, I can afford whatever fine you deem necessary for cleaning your cab.
Me: Oh no, I "deem it necessary" that I pull over and she DOESN'T get sick in my cab. I pulled over.
She thinks about it for a minute, he's just glaring at me in the rear view, not even bothering to help her get the door open or make sure she doesn't fall out of the car. I just smiled and shrugged put the car in park and told her that I was going to come around to help her out of the car. He's still glaring at me.
He: A-GAIN with the vomiting after a party. Can you iMAgine what the partners are saying about you right now? Thank GOD they can't see you now. My mother told me ...
She: All RIGHT! I'm fine. Take us home. For Crissakes you keep bringing up your mother whenever we get into an argument.
He: Well, just imagine what she's going to have to say when we get home and you're in THIS shape ... AGAIN.
She: Well, if the old BITCH didn't LIVE with us she wouldn't be talking about me behind my BACK.
He: Well, if you could work AND take care of our newborn then she wouldn't have HAD to move in with us. Look, we only have a few blocks, let's keep this from the cab driver, I'm sure she doesn't need to hear this.
Me: Or WANT to, where to?
I got them home about 2 minutes after that. Nothing more was said, there were some ugly glares going on though.