"The problem is that even YOU don't know where you are... "

Saturday night I get sent to pick up a young feller and his friend just off N Denver and Lombard. I get to the address and there isn't an address that matches what he called in, and there isn't a 'Papa Murphy's' anywhere near there, as said on the instructions. (Which, in and of itself, is kinda odd 'cuz those things are everywhere.) Anyway, I called dispatch and got his cell phone number and called.

Me: Hey there, this is your taxi, are you still in need?

He: Yeah. It's about time, where are you? I don't see you anywhere.

Me: I'm sitting at the address you gave, that isn't really an address, but I don't see a Papa Murphy's anywhere. I take it you're walking? Often if I'm sent to an address that isn't, it's because someone is walking and calls the cab from whatever they're in front of, then after waiting another minute they decide to keep walking.

He: Yeah, actually, I am walking. It took you guys too long. But how long before you can get here?

Me: Depends on where 'here' is.

He: ... What?

Me: Where. Are. You?

He: Oh, I'm at the corner of Rosa Parks and Portland Blvd.

Me: Well, that's kind of a long road. What's the cross street? They are in the process of changing over Portland Blvd to Rosa Parks Blvd here, so the entire street has both names at each intersection.

He: I just told you. *sigh* Are you not listening to me?

Me: Look Jr my name for most young men that irritate me. You are actually looking at the signs for the same street. Just look at the sign for the street that goes the other direction. At this point I started driving down Denver as it intersects w/Ptld Blvd a few blocks down.

He: Look, I'm on the east side of Denver at Ptld Blvd slash Rosa Parks. Can you find me now?

Me: Are you on the east side of the freeway as well? Keep driving down Denver.

He: Yeah. I am. Can you find me?

Me: Depends, can you tell me what the cross street is where you are or do you wish for me to just drive down ptld Blvd until someone flags me down? I NEEED to know where you are to pick you up.

He: Look, I don't understand what the problem is here. Why can't you find us?

Me: The problem is that even YOU don't know where you are, how in the hell am I supposed to find you? I found them, I was sitting at the light right across the street watching him talk to me on his phone, at the corner of Rosa Parks/Ptld Blvd and Denver. Not east of the fwy by any means.

He: Hey, Miss. You're a cab driver right? Don't you have GPS in your cab? If you can't find me then can you send someone that is capable of doing their job?

Me: I can and will certainly call the company and send you another cab, Sir.

He: How long is that going to take? It took almost an hour for you to get here and it's a little cold out here.

Me: I've been dicking around with you on the phone for 10 minutes, you could have certainly been in my nice, warm cab and on the way home if you would have either stayed where you called the cab to or could look at the sign from the other side of the post and told me what your cross street is. But in this particular case he's trying to talk over me now I'm going to call you another cab, to the corner of Rosa Parks and Ptld Blvd, because I'm sure only a male cab driver can find you now.

He: Finally, some progress. Can you guess as to how long or are you able to do THAT?

Me: Indeed. My guess is it's going to take a helluva long time. Good bye.

You really just can't argue with drunks. :o)

TUA: I've disabled my archives so I could write the book, with any luck it'll sell/publish and I don't want people to be able to read the entire thing online, ya know? And if anyone is wondering I gotta lotta stories so there is many in the book that haven't been on here.


Paradise Driver said...

Good luck on the book.

At my end, I get the ones who want a cab in "Kihei". Which is only 10.3 square miles. Or on south Kihei Road, which is 7.3 miles long. Just ♥ those drunks.

DBA Dude said...

Hope that you get to put some of your drawings in the book, that would be the icing on the cake.

Tragerstreit said...

Just remember: Alcohol makes you SEXY. And SMART.

Drink up, kids!

(Lots of luck on the book! We'll understand if posting is light. :D )

Contrary said...

Other people may understand if posting is light. I, however, will probably get a little pissy.

Oh, and alcohol doesn't make me sexy or smart, but it does cause me to make promises I can't keep. Pookie no longer believes anything I say when I've had more than a half glass of wine.

Rick said...

This will be an illustrated book, won't it? Do you have an agent yet?

Sizzle said...

i love how you ended the call. ha ha.