"... we'll be all right because I trust in God."

I might have mentioned a time or two that one of our accounts is to haul the low-income folk to or from their docs and hospitals on our tax dollars. Oddly enough, I seem to get more grief from these people than I do from most others. Here's one from t'other night ...

Sent to pick up a 25 ish year old and her 2 y.o. daughter, going to the hospital round about 3 a.m. ...

She: walking out of the apartment towards me It's about damned time. I've been waiting almost 15 minutes, where the hell have you been?

Me: Well, good morning to you too. We are a little busy. Are you ready to go?

She: Did you NOT hear me say I've been waiting 15 minutes? Of COURSE I'm ready to go. Let me go get my daughter, it might take ME 15 minutes to get back out here and you had BETTER wait for me.

Me: Certainly. I'll wait right here. For a full 5 minutes and then I'm leaving according to the contract we have with Oregon Health Plan.

She: Well, see if I don't call your effin company and complain about you.

Me: Certainly your option. Would you like to do it now while I wait, on your 5 minutes or would you like to do it after you get in the cab?

She: I'll be right back.

And she comes back with her daughter. And no car seat.

Me: Do you have car seat for your daughter?

She: Don't tell me you're going to give me a hard time about that too? We're going to the hospital and I don't want to have to carry it with us.

Me: I'm sorry, I can't take your daughter w/out a car seat. It's the law.

She: Look, it's just down the street and many other drivers let me slide. Please? Look. I'm really sorry what I said earlier, and I won't call and complain about you to the company if you just let me go w/out the car seat. Let's go.

Me: Again, I'm sorry, but I won't take you w/out a car seat. Do you want to go get it?

She: I tell you what ... let's just go. She tried to open the door to the cab but they're all locked. Open the door.

Me: I'm sorry, but no car seat, no ride. It's the law.

She: You don't need to be a bitch about it. Just open the fucking door and take us to the fucking hospital.

Me: Wow. Well, look, I'm sorry if the state of Oregon cares more for your child than you do, but I'm not going to give you a ride unless you go get a car seat.

She: I don't HAVE a fucking car seat! I haven't had one since my daughter was born and nothing has happened so far so I think we'll be all right because I trust in God.

Me: Well, I don't even believe in God so I'm sure you don't want me driving your child around. No car seat, no ride. Have a good night.

She was cussin' me out as I was driving off. Sadly, I have to turn down a lot of rides because people don't have car seats. I don't have children, but I know I would have a car seat if I did. Maybe even more than one. I just ... bah. People.


"... I am not a full service cab driver."

I got sent to pick up this chunky little hooker from this nasty little hotel and take her to one of the hotels on Interstate. A lot of the guys that stay in the hotels on Interstate are out-of-towners here to work on the ships at Swan Island. Usually welders and whatnot, lots of money and very dirty fellas.

Ride took about 20 minutes and the girl and I were chatting quite a bit, swapping stories (she won 'cuz ... ew). We got on fairly well.

I got her over to the hotel and she called Dude to come down and pay for the cab. Long haired guy, not bad looking but pretty dirty. (He couldn't even take a shower first???)

He: Hey there, what's the damage?

Me: Hi. $22.

He: Here you go. he handed me a $100 bill.

Me: Oh. I don't have change for this. Do you have anything smaller?

He: No, I only have hundreds except for the $40. I have for her.

She: Aren't you required to carry change?

Me: I am, and do, but only for $20., nothing that big. I can give you a ride somewhere to get some change, but I can't break that.

She: Everyone knows that cab drivers have a lot of money, why don't you have change?

Me: Again, I'm not required to carry change for something that big. Everyone knows that hookers have a lot of money, do you have change?

She: HEY! I'm not a hooker, I'm an escort damn it.

Me: OooooOOOooh. Anyway, Dude, you want a ride somewhere?

He: is standing there watching the debate twixt us and smiling Naw. Tell ya what, how about you just keep the change and we call it good.

Me: I would definitely call that good, but really, just let me give you a ride somewhere to make some change. Or hey, I bet the office here will have change.

She: Wait a minute. Honey, can't you just give her the $40. and give me the $100? she starts hugging on his arm and rubbin' on him I'll make it worth your while. I promise. wink wink

Me: Look, I don't care what you guys do, but the meter's still running so could somebody make up their mind 'cuz at least two of us are working here.

She: turns around and glares at me I bet if he had a fifty you could make change, right?

Me: Um, well, no actually. Whatcha wanna do Dude?

She: Wait wait WAIT a minute... you said you have change for a $20 and the cab fare is only $22 so if he were to give you a fifty ...

Me: Jeez. I'm sorry but I'm not smart enough to make 20 and 22 equal 50. And besides, he doesn't have a 50. And looks to me like he's having too much fun watching us argue here. So what's is gonna be Fella?

He: Here, I tell ya what he gives her the room key and tells her to get herself up there, and pulls out his wallet here, just take the hundred. Really. But what I really want to know is if I can have your phone number?

Me: Ah. You have that many girls over here you need a personal cabbie eh? :)

He: Naw. I think I want to see you again, to hell with these whores.

Me: Oh wow. I appreciate the offer, but I am not a full service cab driver.

And I got out before I offended him and lost my tip.


"I know they're just punks, but ... "

I got a call from a guy that I've picked up before:

He: Hey, are you driving tonight?

Me: Sure. Who and where are you?

He: This is Joe, you picked me up once before. I'm downtown and I need a ride.

Me: OK, I'm sorry but I'm in Gresham, about 1/2 hr away. You're probably better off catching a ride w/someone downtown.

He: Naw. It's all right, I'll wait for you.

Me: ... Reeeally. Why?

He: I remember you were really cool to me before and I want to see you again.

Me: Uh oh.

He: What do you mean?

Me: Just uh oh. No one waits 1/2 an hr downtown, in the cold, at 3 in the morning unless they want something. What is it you want?

He: Nothing. Just a ride. And, well, you were memorable.

Me: Oh Christ. Look, I'll come get you, but no hitting on me, OK?

He: Really? But ... OK.

Me: I'm heading that way, I'll call you when I get downtown.

He: K.

Half an hour later he hops in the cab, in the front and we're off to Lake Oswego. I remember him, cute little guy w/a big truck.

We laugh and joke and he keeps trying to touch me all the way there. "Is this your real hair?" "Do you want something to drink?" "Want to stop at a drive-thru? Anything at all, really." etc.

Christ. Anyway, when we get towards his home in Lake O we slowly pass this car of kids - looks to be 4 boys, backwards hats, driving mommy's Saab. I didn't really get a good look. They are on my side of the cab and eyeball me as we pass. I just wave and keep going. They pop in behind me and start following us. We turn, they turn. I pull over, they pull over. Kinda pissing me off. Dude in cab is drunk and decides he's "gonna take care of these punks". I take off again and pull into
a Plaid around the corner from Joe's house.

Me: I don't want them to follow you home. They're kinda pissing me off.

He: I'll take care of them. and he jumps out of the cab and starts to chase 'em down the street. They take off, go up the street and he hops back in the cab. Told you I'd take care of them, I carry a gun, they aren't going to be chasing you around.

While I'm chewing him out for carrying a gun when he's drunk and trying to be stupid the kids pull up at the stop sign behind us and turn off their lights and wait for us to pull out. Now I'm getting concerned, not just pissed. Between them and him ...

Me: Hey Joe, can you go in and get me a bottle of water? I'm really thirsty.

He: Sure Babe, be right back.

Me: calling 911 Hey there. My name is Trixie and I drive for Trixie Cab, I'm in Lake Oswego and have some kids following me around. Have been for almost 10 minutes. They're parked behind me now w/their lights off waiting for me to pull out of the Plaid at etc etc ... and look, the guy in my cab is drunk and has a gun on him. Someone is going to get hurt if these kids keep effing around.

She gets the particulars from me and Joe gets back in the cab (with a GALLON of water :) and he hears me talking to her so he looks over to where I tell her the kids are and jumps out of the cab and runs after them again. I tell her what's going on. The kids flip a bitch in the middle of the road and take off. Joe stumbles back to the cab and gets in. I'm still talking to her and the kids come back and drive right behind me in the parking lot - blocking my way out. Laughing. Now I can see they're just kids.

He: Look, they're just punk kids. This is what we do in Lake O when we're bored, we drive around the lake 2X and if we don't find any trouble to get into then we just go home.

Me: I know they're just punks, but someday they're going to mess w/the wrong person. And now I can't go anywhere because they're blocking my way out. Can't you rich kids get a *hobby* or something? Damn.

He: I'll get them out of here. I grab his shoulder as he opens the cab door to keep him in the cab and she gets concerned over whether or not there's going to be a problem. I tell her no, the kids are driving off as he opened the door.

Me: They pulled away from the cab but they stopped at the corner next to the Plaid and are waiting for me.

She: There's an officer right around the corner, should be there any second.

And they were. Pulled over the kids. She told me they would call me if they needed me. I took off w/Joe and got him home. Had to fend off his friendly hands.


I made the newspaper for a story I wrote.

And didn't even know it. I can't decide whether to be flattered that I made the paper or feel like an idiot for not writing more stories. :)

You can follow the link here if you're interested, article was dated Jan 2011: