I hope this guy isn't married 'cuz it's too funny not to put on here.

Was coming back into town across the Broadway Bridge last weekend around 12:30a and decided to head by Solo on 13th/Lovejoy to see if anyone needed a ride. I get flagged by this tall black fella and the almost as tall blond with him. They were both pretty far gone and he popped off with some comment that I don't remember but I popped off back and the girl found me incredibly funny.

She: I love this girl! You're the coolest cab driver I've ever met.

Me: You just got in the car. Gimme a few minutes, you'll either love me or hate. Don't seem to have many in betweens.

He: Yeah, well, we're off to the Hotel Monaco. You know where that is?

Me: Yup.

We head out. They're back there kissing on each other and talking kinda quietly and when we got to the hotel they decided they wanted to hit a 7-11 for munchies. I took off again as went to the one at Broadway/Market. He apparently said something that got on her nerves because she started talking to me.

She: Hey Cabbie?

Me: Yup.

She: Let's say you had someone famous in your car. Just as a for instance.

He: Sh! Don't tell her who I am.

She: And let's say, for instance, this person was the assistant coach of the Minnesota Timberwolves. What would you say to him?

Me: Um, well, if I DID happen to have that person, hypothetically, in my car I would have to say something about how badly his team lost tonight to the Blazers. BUT I'm not a basketball fan. I like my baseball.

She: Oh YEAH!! God I LOVE this woman!!

He: Oh come on now, our team's season is going to end at the same time as yours. You're no better than we are.

Me: Yeah, but we got Brandon Roy. What've you got?

He: ...

She: She told YOU!! I tell you the ONLY good looking guy to come out of Minnesota was SomeGuyWho'sNameIDon'tRemember. But apparently one of his players.

They argued about that for a minute then we got to 7-11. He got out, asked her what she wanted then asked me.

Me: I'm good. Thanks anyway.

He: I'm going to get you some water.

Me: I have some. Really I'm good.

He went in. She started chatting with me. Telling me she was some sort of ad exec and just met this guy, there was no WAY she was going back to his hotel with him, just got to know him because she was hoping he'd introduce her to that one good looking ball player. Started talking about how she had slept with all these ball players, etc, but didn't DO asst coaches.

Me: Well, you KNOW this guy's in there buying beer for you both, right?

She: No way. I told him I didn't want any more to drink tonight.

Me: Watch.

He came walking out, had a bottle of water and 2 half racks of Bud. I started laughing, she just snorted.

He: Here you go Cabbie.

Me: Thanks. I'll just put it here with my other bottle of water. We drive off.

He: See now, to her aren't I sweet to get her something. Cabbie? How many people buy you things when they're in your car?

Me: Honestly? Just about every person or group I take through a drive thru or to a convenience store.

He: What?

Me: Yep. Almost every time. I appreciate it though.

She: She got you man.

He: Yeah, but it was sweet of me, wasn't it?

She: Well, actually, no.

He: Bull. It was incredibly sweet of me.

She: Truthfully, it's pretty standard. You heard her.

He: What?

Me: snorted "Standard".

She: You are Super-Standard.

He was completely quiet for a moment as we pulled up to the hotel.

Me: Wow. In the wrong context that word is one of the meanest words I've heard in awhile.

He: All right. I'm done talking to you cab driver.

They get out, he pays me and tips me an extra $10 above the fare.

As they're standing on the sidewalk I hear her call her friend: "I'm at the Hotel Monaco, you have GOT to come get me, right now."

I drive off laughing.


Iron Fist said...

ah, romance. Nothing says "classy date" like Budweiser.

Anonymous said...

Ha, Dope!

lyle said...

the sad thing is, that Bud trick has probably worked for him countless times.

Anonymous said...

Hey girl. I always love your blog. Really missed you while you were sick. I dispatch for a small (tiny) cab company in Salem. We were thinking of checking around for what other company's charge for flag drop and per mile. If you can tell me what your co. charges, that would be cool. If you can't tell, that's alright too. I will still be an avid reader. You rock. send info to me at eeyorelady1@comcast.net