"Hey Baby, how you doin'?"

I got sent to Bushwackers in Tualatin (cowboy bar) to pick up someone, had to check w/the 'tender when I got there. He tells me he'll send them out. I'm sitting in the car next to the door when they come out ... all 8 of them. I thought some were just escorting the others but turns out they all want a ride. And they're LOUD. Not much annoys me more than loud people (except for businesses that have a misspelled sign, but that's another rant). I'll usually try to accommodate any groups as long as it doesn't interfere w/my driving.

After some back n' forth twixt us we finally agree to try to get them where they're going if they can all fit in, they're only "... going a little ways, just to the hotel down the road."

So we get 4 guys in the back, on the bottom, 2 girls on top of the guys in back and 2 guys up front. In front I have this little skinny cowboy named Tom next to me and a really large fella named Benny next to the door. As they're closing the back door Tom decides to start a "conversation" with me.

Tom: Hey baby, how you doin'?

Me: I'm fine. And you guys?

Tom: We're better now that you're here baby. Hey, you're kinda cute, can I just ... the little idiot put his hand on my leg and tried to kiss me!

Me: Grabbing his hand and throwing it the other way while I back away from him. What the FUCK are you doing? Don't TOUCH me!!

1guyinback: Hey, don't worry about Tom, he's harmless.

1galinback: Tom, STOP that!

Tom: Oh, c'mon now baby completely ignoring the back seat, and me apparently I'm cute enough. He reaches over and grabs my leg again.

Me: All RIGHT! That's it. Everyone out.

1guyinback: What the FUCK?

Me: There is no CHANCE I'm taking you anywhere with this guy up front. Put him in back. You can either control him or I'll call you another cab.

1guyinback: Jesus, what's her problem?

Me: LISTEN ...

1galinback: He's being an asshole! Just put him in the back, she doesn't have to put up with his shit, or yours. I'm really sorry he's being like this, we'll put him in the back. Everyone OUT!

So they all get rearranged, Tom in the back on another guys lap, 2 other guys up front. They're in, we're off.

We make it out the parking lot and down the street when I notice my rearview is outta wack. I reach up to fix it ...

Tom: I'm sorry guys, I just gotta do this.

He reached under my arm and grabbed my right boob!! I pulled back so fast and Gosh I SWEAR I didn't mean to hit him in the face with my elbow. In the nose. And WOW was it ever quiet when he started screaming that his nose was broke and and started to bleed all over himself.

Upshot of all this: they all agreed that it was a complete accident and I wouldn't call the police and have him arrested for assault. Since I have pictures and all. They also gave me money for coming to get them, but decided it was best to wait for another cab.

I called the company and got them another cab.

Someone asked me the other night about my percentage of good to bad. I told them it was about 95/5. Some of them are worse than others, the nature of the business. I rank this one right at the top of that 5%.

And sorry all, I've been a bit busy lately.


The Lily said...

Wow, what an insufferable prick. That was a fortunate accident, I don't feel sorry for him in the least.

Mel said...

Oh my fucking god. Are you serious?
Dude, please please pleeeeeeeze post Cowboy Tom's picture. Just so if I see him around town I can kick him in the nuts.
That piece of shit bastard.

Donna said...

I've missed you! Please don't be gone so long; you show me scenes from a life I'd never have the opportunity of seeing otherwise.

Sizzle said...

now THAT'S the way a lesson is learned. can't say i have any sympathy for the a-hole. and you know, the elbow is the hardest part of the body i think. that'll learn 'em!

Dave2 said...

I think you're perfectly within your right to remove his testicles after that bit of asshattery.

Paradise Driver said...

Broken noses, missing teeth, black eyes, etc. Yup, feces occurs. ;)

Iron Fist said...

What Dave2 said, and then some. Damn.

whall said...

Thank you for continuing to improving the male population, one broken nose at a time.

Just think - if the _last_ girl he did that to did what you did, you wouldn't've needed to!

Anonymous said...

Yeah my dads a taxi driver and he gets that all the time. It doesn't help that he has rather large breasts though.

bekah said...

It is so incredibly awesome that you made him bleed.

Anonymous said...

Rawk on! XD Not only did you make someone bleed, you got paid for it! ^_^

Karl said...

Damn, that's freaking ridiculous. I don't care how drunk you get, there's no call for that bullshit.

Rick said...

20-20 hindsight, but slamming his forehead into the dash would've been a nice capper.

drc said...

What an ass! Good for you. A lot of women I know wouldn't have handled it nearly so well...they would have drug him from the cab and beat him to a pulp! Keep up the great work.