"I really would like to see you sometime, away from this ride."

I get flagged by the local pimp that hangs out on the curb in front of Mary's club (I've had this man in my car, taking his "girl" to a "customer") as I turn the corner on Broadway. He points at a lady just walking out of the bar and she has a very drunk male friend that is staggering all over. The pimp helps her get the guy into the car.

Me: Hi there. We doing all right here?

She: Yup. I'm fine. He's a little drunk. I'm taking him home and then I would like you to bring me back here. That all right?

Me: Sure. Not a problem. Where we off to?

She: Ummmmm ...

He: *** ne 33rd.

Me: Uhm ... 33rd and ... Sacramento?

He: Yeah.

Me: Okee dokee. You all right man? I ask as he lays across the back seat and starts gagging.

She: He's fine. Aren't you Joe? I don't remember dude's name. I'll just call him Joe.

He: Um. I think so. And he starts fiddling w/the window controls, which I have locked. Gotta love those old cop cars.

Me: Joe? You all right? Need me to open the window for you?

He: Yesssh. Pleash.

I do. We make it about 1 block and dude starts gagging again.

Me: Joe, you need me to pull over so you can yak?

He: No. Just keep going. gagging more

Me: Not a chance. I'll just pull over here. If you yak in my cab I'm gonna charge you a lot of money.

So I pull over and he hangs his head out the window. Throws up down the side of the cab. Bastard. There's a guy walking in front of the cab at the corner (about 25 ft away), he's looking at the cab trying to figure out why I have my blinkers on. When he figured it out he started laughing. I flashed him a "peace" sign, he flashed me a thumbs up and kept walking. And laughing.

While this is going on the woman in the back starts talking to me.

She: So you like this job?

Me: I find it to be the most amusing thing I've ever done.

She: Really? I bet.

Me: Oh yeah. I'ts a roller coaster of fun. You really can't beat driving a cab on a weekend night in Portland. It's hilarious.

She: I can see that. I've thought about doing this. I bet it's a lot of fun.

Me: You really have no idea. I just can't describe it. I could tell you a few stories tho. grin

Hack, gag, spit from Joe.

She: Oh yeah. I bet you get a lot of shit, huh?

Me: In every form.

She: Ever get hit on?

Me: Every night. And usually by folks that wouldn't hit on me if they were sober.

She: Oh come on now, you're beautiful.

Me: Oh gawd. You're gonna hit on me now, aren't you?

She: WeeeEEElllll, I was thinking about it. But really, you're gorgeous. I mean that.

Me: Oh pshaw.

Hack. spit. gaaaaaAAAAAAaaaag.

She: Not working huh?

Me: No. Sorry.

She: I really would like to see you sometime. Away from this cab ride.

Me: And away from the yakker in the back seat with you. grin Really. Thanks but no thanks. Don't let the ball cap fool ya.

She: It looks good on you. By the way, I'm a hermaphrodite.

Me: blink

He/She: How do you feel about that?

Me: Um. blink I can't decide whether to feel flattered or offended. blink (Best I could come up with on such short notice, what can I say?)

He/She: Well, are you going to decide before we finish this ride?

Me: Oh gawd no. I'm having a hard time thinking at all at this moment. Sorry. First time I've heard that one.

He/She: I understand. It throws off a lot of people.

Me: Is he better? I haven't heard any hacking for a little while. I really gotta get going.

I think at this point I was getting a little panicky. Maybe even a bit scared. I mean ... damn. Threw me off. :o) We drove off.

Me: after I got over my vapor lock - So, you must've said that one purpose. What were you hoping for?

He/She: Well. Sometimes people are curious. You know.

Me: Ah. Well, I don't "KNOW" per se, but I understand the concept of curiosity about the subject.

I got him home, and her back to the bar. Uneventfully. Thankfully.