I get flagged by the local pimp that hangs out on the curb in front of Mary's club (I've had this man in my car, taking his "girl" to a "customer") as I turn the corner on Broadway. He points at a lady just walking out of the bar and she has a very drunk male friend that is staggering all over. The pimp helps her get the guy into the car.
Me: Hi there. We doing all right here?
She: Yup. I'm fine. He's a little drunk. I'm taking him home and then I would like you to bring me back here. That all right?
Me: Sure. Not a problem. Where we off to?
She: Ummmmm ...
He: *** ne 33rd.
Me: Uhm ... 33rd and ... Sacramento?
Me: Okee dokee. You all right man? I ask as he lays across the back seat and starts gagging.
She: He's fine. Aren't you Joe? I don't remember dude's name. I'll just call him Joe.
He: Um. I think so. And he starts fiddling w/the window controls, which I have locked. Gotta love those old cop cars.
Me: Joe? You all right? Need me to open the window for you?
He: Yesssh. Pleash.
I do. We make it about 1 block and dude starts gagging again.
Me: Joe, you need me to pull over so you can yak?
He: No. Just keep going. gagging more
Me: Not a chance. I'll just pull over here. If you yak in my cab I'm gonna charge you a lot of money.
So I pull over and he hangs his head out the window. Throws up down the side of the cab. Bastard. There's a guy walking in front of the cab at the corner (about 25 ft away), he's looking at the cab trying to figure out why I have my blinkers on. When he figured it out he started laughing. I flashed him a "peace" sign, he flashed me a thumbs up and kept walking. And laughing.
While this is going on the woman in the back starts talking to me.
She: So you like this job?
Me: I find it to be the most amusing thing I've ever done.
She: Really? I bet.
Me: Oh yeah. I'ts a roller coaster of fun. You really can't beat driving a cab on a weekend night in Portland. It's hilarious.
She: I can see that. I've thought about doing this. I bet it's a lot of fun.
Me: You really have no idea. I just can't describe it. I could tell you a few stories tho. grin
Hack, gag, spit from Joe.
She: Oh yeah. I bet you get a lot of shit, huh?
Me: In every form.
She: Ever get hit on?
Me: Every night. And usually by folks that wouldn't hit on me if they were sober.
She: Oh come on now, you're beautiful.
Me: Oh gawd. You're gonna hit on me now, aren't you?
She: WeeeEEElllll, I was thinking about it. But really, you're gorgeous. I mean that.
Me: Oh pshaw.
Hack. spit. gaaaaaAAAAAAaaaag.
She: Not working huh?
Me: No. Sorry.
She: I really would like to see you sometime. Away from this cab ride.
Me: And away from the yakker in the back seat with you. grin Really. Thanks but no thanks. Don't let the ball cap fool ya.
She: It looks good on you. By the way, I'm a hermaphrodite.
He/She: How do you feel about that?
Me: Um. blink I can't decide whether to feel flattered or offended. blink (Best I could come up with on such short notice, what can I say?)
He/She: Well, are you going to decide before we finish this ride?
Me: Oh gawd no. I'm having a hard time thinking at all at this moment. Sorry. First time I've heard that one.
He/She: I understand. It throws off a lot of people.
Me: Is he better? I haven't heard any hacking for a little while. I really gotta get going.
I think at this point I was getting a little panicky. Maybe even a bit scared. I mean ... damn. Threw me off. :o) We drove off.
Me: after I got over my vapor lock - So, you must've said that one purpose. What were you hoping for?
He/She: Well. Sometimes people are curious. You know.
Me: Ah. Well, I don't "KNOW" per se, but I understand the concept of curiosity about the subject.
I got him home, and her back to the bar. Uneventfully. Thankfully.