I had just finished dropping off a couple at about 35th se Gladstone, drove down to 26th to get to Powell to get to the closest bridge into town. It's about 2a. I hit the light at 26th/Powell and sit there contemplating ... hermaphrodites and I catch a movement out the corner of my right eye. I look over, there is a guy standing on the sidewalk, about 15 ft. in from Powell on the sidewalk. Dude has a black hoodie, scruffy blondish/brown goatee, dark jeans and his dick in his right hand. I just look for a second, looked to the light, it had changed so I look back quickly as I start to drive thru the light to make SURE I saw what I thought I saw. Not only did I see an ugly man w/his dick in his hand, but he smiled and stuck his tongue out at me. I just shook my head and drove off.
After going about 100 yards I decided to call the Non ER # for Multnomah County and let them know about my flasher. sidenote: when I got to this part of the story with my current ex-man he was quite upset that I reported the waggler. Thought I should have let him waggle when and where ever he wanted.
Disp: Non emergency.
Me: Hiya. My name is **, I drive for ** Cab and I just had a dude flash me while sitting at the corner of 26th se Powell.
Disp: All right. What was he wearing?
Told her.
Disp: thank you. Have a phone # where you can be reached?
Told her cell ph #.
Disp: Thank you. And can you describe to me ...
Me: ... His penis? He was BLESSED! And no mean feat since it's only about 28 degrees out here.
Disp: giggling No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Where exactly was he when the alleged flashing took place?
Me: Ah. Sorry. Couldn't help it. I'd be bragging I had that baby myself. Anyway ... etc.
Disp: Thank you. I'll let an officer know what you've said. Good night.
She hung up. Right about then I get a call from a regular that is downtown and needs a ride to St. John's. (About $25 +/-) I head out to go get him. As we're driving up I-5 Nbound I get another phone call.
Me: This is M.
He: Hello. Is this the cab driver?
Me: Yup. How can I help you?
He: This is Officer Barr of the Ptld Police Dept. I'm standing at the corner of 26th and Powell with a gentleman that you called about.
Me: Bullshit!!
Ofcr: No. I am serious. Now you said this gentleman ... ?
Me: He flashed me. And he's NO gentleman. Trust me.
Ofcr: He says that he was urinating. Is that possible.
Me: Weeeeelll. I suppose anything is possible. But he was facing the street. At least 3 ft away from the closest bush to him. Had his dick IN his hand. A smile ON his face. And I saw NO urine.
Ofcr: I see. Well ...
Me: So dude is still there?
Ofcr: Yes. I'm talking to him.
Me: Is he still urinating? Or just hangin' out at his favorite bush to pee whenever he gets the urge? It has been about 25 minutes, ya know.
Ofcr: Ok. Thank you for your information. Someone will be calling you.
Click.
So I had to tell the fella in the car what was going on. He was laughing along with me at the stupid things people do under the influence when the Ofcr called me back!
Me: This is M.
Ofcr: Miss B, this is Ofcr Barr again. I need to ask you another question.
Me: Shoot.
Ofcr: Did the man in question have ...
Me: I'm sorry Ofcr, I lost you. What was that?
Ofcr: Did the man in question have an ... erection? he said the last word very quietly.
Me: Did he have an ERECTION? not near as quietly Is that what you asked me?
Ofcr: Yes. That is what I asked. I swear I could hear this man trying not to laugh.
Me: Well. No. I didn't actually SEE an erection. But I could describe it to you. The good lord blessed this man, lemme tell ya.
Ofcr: more subdued snorting ... I SWEAR OK. Well ... um ...
Me: Are you going to do a lineup?
Ofcr: not so subdued snorting now Um ...
Me: I tell you I am SO channeling Porky's right now! I have ALways wanted to do a penis lineup.
Please, please PLEASE tell me you are going to do a PENIS LINEUP!!!!!!!
Ofcr: ...
Me: I'm sorry Ofcr. I just think this is hilarious. I can't help it. I'm a cab driver, I have a filthy mind. So ... now what?
Ofcr: Well, would you be willing to testify?
Me: Oh HELL yeah! I WANT to see this one go to court. Gawd help me.
Ofcr: OK. Let me get your dob, address and other information and I will have someone call you on monday.
Me: I tell ya what ... since I don't actually know for a FACT that you are who you say you are, how about I call the PD and ask if you are, in fact, a police officer and then call you back?
Ofcr: You can actually call them and give them your information, if you'd feel safer that way.
Me: Certainly. I don't know that you aren't writing down my info where this perv can see it anyway. Can I have your badge number?
He gives it and I call the dispatcher. The whole time this call has been going on the guy in the back seat has been rolling ever since I said the word "erection".
Me: Hello. My name is M. I drive for * Cab, I just called about 40 mins ago to report a man flashing folk at the corner of 26th se powell.
Disp: I'm sorry, our computer systems just flashed with the storms and all. Give me a minute to pull up the info.
Me: Certainly. I'm actually just calling to find out whether or not this guy that called me was actually an officer of yours as I didn't want to give him my info over the phone without knowing who he was.
Disp: A legitimate request. Let me ... yes. Here we are. I found it. The Officers name was Barr and did you get his badge #?
Me: rattled it off.
Disp: Yup. That's our officer. And it looks like they actually got the guy! He's on his way in to the justice center now.
Me: Nuh uh!!! Really?
Disp: Oh yes. We take that stuff seriously.
Me: If you'd known the type of problems I have where the officers DON'T take me seriously you would begin to wonder. I just called 'cuz I thought ya'll might wanna keep him away from the children. But good to know that ya'll actually arrested him. Thank you for your help.
Disp: You're welcome. Have a good evening.
Me: You as well. Good bye.
Me and the fella in the back laughed about this all the way to his place.
It's now Tues, I got no call yesterday. *grin*
12/18/06
"I really would like to see you sometime, away from this ride."
I get flagged by the local pimp that hangs out on the curb in front of Mary's club (I've had this man in my car, taking his "girl" to a "customer") as I turn the corner on Broadway. He points at a lady just walking out of the bar and she has a very drunk male friend that is staggering all over. The pimp helps her get the guy into the car.
Me: Hi there. We doing all right here?
She: Yup. I'm fine. He's a little drunk. I'm taking him home and then I would like you to bring me back here. That all right?
Me: Sure. Not a problem. Where we off to?
She: Ummmmm ...
He: *** ne 33rd.
Me: Uhm ... 33rd and ... Sacramento?
He: Yeah.
Me: Okee dokee. You all right man? I ask as he lays across the back seat and starts gagging.
She: He's fine. Aren't you Joe? I don't remember dude's name. I'll just call him Joe.
He: Um. I think so. And he starts fiddling w/the window controls, which I have locked. Gotta love those old cop cars.
Me: Joe? You all right? Need me to open the window for you?
He: Yesssh. Pleash.
I do. We make it about 1 block and dude starts gagging again.
Me: Joe, you need me to pull over so you can yak?
He: No. Just keep going. gagging more
Me: Not a chance. I'll just pull over here. If you yak in my cab I'm gonna charge you a lot of money.
So I pull over and he hangs his head out the window. Throws up down the side of the cab. Bastard. There's a guy walking in front of the cab at the corner (about 25 ft away), he's looking at the cab trying to figure out why I have my blinkers on. When he figured it out he started laughing. I flashed him a "peace" sign, he flashed me a thumbs up and kept walking. And laughing.
While this is going on the woman in the back starts talking to me.
She: So you like this job?
Me: I find it to be the most amusing thing I've ever done.
She: Really? I bet.
Me: Oh yeah. I'ts a roller coaster of fun. You really can't beat driving a cab on a weekend night in Portland. It's hilarious.
She: I can see that. I've thought about doing this. I bet it's a lot of fun.
Me: You really have no idea. I just can't describe it. I could tell you a few stories tho. grin
Hack, gag, spit from Joe.
She: Oh yeah. I bet you get a lot of shit, huh?
Me: In every form.
She: Ever get hit on?
Me: Every night. And usually by folks that wouldn't hit on me if they were sober.
She: Oh come on now, you're beautiful.
Me: Oh gawd. You're gonna hit on me now, aren't you?
She: WeeeEEElllll, I was thinking about it. But really, you're gorgeous. I mean that.
Me: Oh pshaw.
Hack. spit. gaaaaaAAAAAAaaaag.
She: Not working huh?
Me: No. Sorry.
She: I really would like to see you sometime. Away from this cab ride.
Me: And away from the yakker in the back seat with you. grin Really. Thanks but no thanks. Don't let the ball cap fool ya.
She: It looks good on you. By the way, I'm a hermaphrodite.
Me: blink
He/She: How do you feel about that?
Me: Um. blink I can't decide whether to feel flattered or offended. blink (Best I could come up with on such short notice, what can I say?)
He/She: Well, are you going to decide before we finish this ride?
Me: Oh gawd no. I'm having a hard time thinking at all at this moment. Sorry. First time I've heard that one.
He/She: I understand. It throws off a lot of people.
Me: Is he better? I haven't heard any hacking for a little while. I really gotta get going.
I think at this point I was getting a little panicky. Maybe even a bit scared. I mean ... damn. Threw me off. :o) We drove off.
Me: after I got over my vapor lock - So, you must've said that one purpose. What were you hoping for?
He/She: Well. Sometimes people are curious. You know.
Me: Ah. Well, I don't "KNOW" per se, but I understand the concept of curiosity about the subject.
I got him home, and her back to the bar. Uneventfully. Thankfully.
Me: Hi there. We doing all right here?
She: Yup. I'm fine. He's a little drunk. I'm taking him home and then I would like you to bring me back here. That all right?
Me: Sure. Not a problem. Where we off to?
She: Ummmmm ...
He: *** ne 33rd.
Me: Uhm ... 33rd and ... Sacramento?
He: Yeah.
Me: Okee dokee. You all right man? I ask as he lays across the back seat and starts gagging.
She: He's fine. Aren't you Joe? I don't remember dude's name. I'll just call him Joe.
He: Um. I think so. And he starts fiddling w/the window controls, which I have locked. Gotta love those old cop cars.
Me: Joe? You all right? Need me to open the window for you?
He: Yesssh. Pleash.
I do. We make it about 1 block and dude starts gagging again.
Me: Joe, you need me to pull over so you can yak?
He: No. Just keep going. gagging more
Me: Not a chance. I'll just pull over here. If you yak in my cab I'm gonna charge you a lot of money.
So I pull over and he hangs his head out the window. Throws up down the side of the cab. Bastard. There's a guy walking in front of the cab at the corner (about 25 ft away), he's looking at the cab trying to figure out why I have my blinkers on. When he figured it out he started laughing. I flashed him a "peace" sign, he flashed me a thumbs up and kept walking. And laughing.
While this is going on the woman in the back starts talking to me.
She: So you like this job?
Me: I find it to be the most amusing thing I've ever done.
She: Really? I bet.
Me: Oh yeah. I'ts a roller coaster of fun. You really can't beat driving a cab on a weekend night in Portland. It's hilarious.
She: I can see that. I've thought about doing this. I bet it's a lot of fun.
Me: You really have no idea. I just can't describe it. I could tell you a few stories tho. grin
Hack, gag, spit from Joe.
She: Oh yeah. I bet you get a lot of shit, huh?
Me: In every form.
She: Ever get hit on?
Me: Every night. And usually by folks that wouldn't hit on me if they were sober.
She: Oh come on now, you're beautiful.
Me: Oh gawd. You're gonna hit on me now, aren't you?
She: WeeeEEElllll, I was thinking about it. But really, you're gorgeous. I mean that.
Me: Oh pshaw.
Hack. spit. gaaaaaAAAAAAaaaag.
She: Not working huh?
Me: No. Sorry.
She: I really would like to see you sometime. Away from this cab ride.
Me: And away from the yakker in the back seat with you. grin Really. Thanks but no thanks. Don't let the ball cap fool ya.
She: It looks good on you. By the way, I'm a hermaphrodite.
Me: blink
He/She: How do you feel about that?
Me: Um. blink I can't decide whether to feel flattered or offended. blink (Best I could come up with on such short notice, what can I say?)
He/She: Well, are you going to decide before we finish this ride?
Me: Oh gawd no. I'm having a hard time thinking at all at this moment. Sorry. First time I've heard that one.
He/She: I understand. It throws off a lot of people.
Me: Is he better? I haven't heard any hacking for a little while. I really gotta get going.
I think at this point I was getting a little panicky. Maybe even a bit scared. I mean ... damn. Threw me off. :o) We drove off.
Me: after I got over my vapor lock - So, you must've said that one purpose. What were you hoping for?
He/She: Well. Sometimes people are curious. You know.
Me: Ah. Well, I don't "KNOW" per se, but I understand the concept of curiosity about the subject.
I got him home, and her back to the bar. Uneventfully. Thankfully.
12/11/06
"You fucking lying fucking whore!"
I picked up 2 fellas late one night, heading home from the bar. One was fairly calm but slightly intoxicated, the other quite drunk and barely speaking, just leaning against the door.
The nicer of the 2 (Mike) and I chatted while I took him home first. A quick 5 minute ride from where we were.
Mike: as he is getting out Hey Steve, you going to be all right with this lady taking you home?
Steve: Hm? yeah. Sshure.
Me: Hey Steve, what's your address? he just looks at me Do you have any I.D. or something with your address on it so I know where to take you?
Steve: looks at Mike Shhhe's fucking with me huh?
Mike: Nah. She just needs to know your address to get you home. Can you help her out?
Steve: ummmm ok. As long as ssshe doeshn't fuck with me nnnoOOO MORE. I'll ssshhow her.
Mike: looking at me Are you all right with this? He doesn't live too far away, close in, Sellwood.
Me: Well, it isn't too far, we should be all right. Right Steve?
Steve: Whatever.
Mike: Um. I tell ya what, here's the cab fare for my part, and here's my phone number in case you have any problems. K?
Me: K.
We head off.
Me: Steve? You all right back there?
Steve: Yup. Jusssht take me home. Damn. Women. Sheesh.
Me: Ok. Well, where do you live? he gives me an in general and we head off.
We get to 17th SE Holgate.
Me: Steve? HEY! Steve! Wake up man, where do we go from here?
Steve: looking out the window Fuck this. AND you. I'm outta here. and he gets out.
I just look at him for a sec and seriously think about leaving him. I pull in across the street at a store and call Mike.
Me: Hey, this is your cab driver. I'm having a problem with Steve. He just got outta the cab at 17th se Holgate. I thought of leaving him, but I hate doing that with drunks. Whatcha want me to do?
Mike: Um. Shit. What's he doing?
Me: Right now, he's peeing on a phone pole.
Mike. Are you kidding me? Shit. Can you put him on the phone?
Me: Yup. Hold on, I'll drive over there. ... Hey Steve! I have Mike on the phone. Get in the car and I'll let you talk to him. he does and I do.
They talk for a second and he hands the phone back to me.
Mike: He's should be ok now. His address is ... and if you have nay more problems with him give me a call. OK?
Me: Yeah.
We get to Steve's place. I have to wake him up again. He can't find his cash or card. Right at that moment his gf called on his phone. He answers.
Steve: I'm downshtairsh. In the cab. I can't find my money. and he starts nodding off again.
Me: Hey! Give me the phone, I'll talk to her. Hi. Yeah, I'm the cabbie. He owes me 26$ right now but he can't find his money. Can you come down, I can't get him to tell me which apt. he lives in. Thank you. See you in a second.
Meanwhile, Steve has passed out again.
His gf comes downstairs and walks to the car. She hands me $26.
GF: Are you having any problems?
Me: Sort of. He jumped out of the cab so he could pee on a pole so I had to call his friend Mike. But we got it under control and now you can have him.
Steve: YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU FUCKING WHORE! YOU FUCKING LYING FUCKING WHORE!!! And he starts swinging at me!!
Me: What the FUCK are you doing man? Calm down. I look at gf. Get him the fuck outta my car.
She just throws up her hands and walks off. He's still flailing about in the back seat.
Me: Steve! CALM DOWN. NOW.
Steve: You FUCKING LYING FUCKING BITCH WHORE!! swings at me again, this time connects with the back of my arm.
Me: THAT's IT.
I get turn off the car, take out the keys and get out of the car. Call the police. It doesn't take them too long to get there. They haul him off. I get back in the car and head back downtown. My phone rings.
Mike: Hey Michelle? This is Mike. Did you get Steve home ok?
Me: Boy, did I. Then I had him arrested.
Mike: Um. WHAT?
I tell him what happened.
Mike: Wow.
Me: Yup. The p.d. said they're taking him to Hooper Detox. You can go pick him up in the morning. I'm not pressing charges, but you might want to rethink your friendship with this guy.
Mike: Actually, I just hired the guy to work for me. We decided to go out tonight for the first time. Wow. Guess I'll have to fix that.
Me: Indeed.
The nicer of the 2 (Mike) and I chatted while I took him home first. A quick 5 minute ride from where we were.
Mike: as he is getting out Hey Steve, you going to be all right with this lady taking you home?
Steve: Hm? yeah. Sshure.
Me: Hey Steve, what's your address? he just looks at me Do you have any I.D. or something with your address on it so I know where to take you?
Steve: looks at Mike Shhhe's fucking with me huh?
Mike: Nah. She just needs to know your address to get you home. Can you help her out?
Steve: ummmm ok. As long as ssshe doeshn't fuck with me nnnoOOO MORE. I'll ssshhow her.
Mike: looking at me Are you all right with this? He doesn't live too far away, close in, Sellwood.
Me: Well, it isn't too far, we should be all right. Right Steve?
Steve: Whatever.
Mike: Um. I tell ya what, here's the cab fare for my part, and here's my phone number in case you have any problems. K?
Me: K.
We head off.
Me: Steve? You all right back there?
Steve: Yup. Jusssht take me home. Damn. Women. Sheesh.
Me: Ok. Well, where do you live? he gives me an in general and we head off.
We get to 17th SE Holgate.
Me: Steve? HEY! Steve! Wake up man, where do we go from here?
Steve: looking out the window Fuck this. AND you. I'm outta here. and he gets out.
I just look at him for a sec and seriously think about leaving him. I pull in across the street at a store and call Mike.
Me: Hey, this is your cab driver. I'm having a problem with Steve. He just got outta the cab at 17th se Holgate. I thought of leaving him, but I hate doing that with drunks. Whatcha want me to do?
Mike: Um. Shit. What's he doing?
Me: Right now, he's peeing on a phone pole.
Mike. Are you kidding me? Shit. Can you put him on the phone?
Me: Yup. Hold on, I'll drive over there. ... Hey Steve! I have Mike on the phone. Get in the car and I'll let you talk to him. he does and I do.
They talk for a second and he hands the phone back to me.
Mike: He's should be ok now. His address is ... and if you have nay more problems with him give me a call. OK?
Me: Yeah.
We get to Steve's place. I have to wake him up again. He can't find his cash or card. Right at that moment his gf called on his phone. He answers.
Steve: I'm downshtairsh. In the cab. I can't find my money. and he starts nodding off again.
Me: Hey! Give me the phone, I'll talk to her. Hi. Yeah, I'm the cabbie. He owes me 26$ right now but he can't find his money. Can you come down, I can't get him to tell me which apt. he lives in. Thank you. See you in a second.
Meanwhile, Steve has passed out again.
His gf comes downstairs and walks to the car. She hands me $26.
GF: Are you having any problems?
Me: Sort of. He jumped out of the cab so he could pee on a pole so I had to call his friend Mike. But we got it under control and now you can have him.
Steve: YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU FUCKING WHORE! YOU FUCKING LYING FUCKING WHORE!!! And he starts swinging at me!!
Me: What the FUCK are you doing man? Calm down. I look at gf. Get him the fuck outta my car.
She just throws up her hands and walks off. He's still flailing about in the back seat.
Me: Steve! CALM DOWN. NOW.
Steve: You FUCKING LYING FUCKING BITCH WHORE!! swings at me again, this time connects with the back of my arm.
Me: THAT's IT.
I get turn off the car, take out the keys and get out of the car. Call the police. It doesn't take them too long to get there. They haul him off. I get back in the car and head back downtown. My phone rings.
Mike: Hey Michelle? This is Mike. Did you get Steve home ok?
Me: Boy, did I. Then I had him arrested.
Mike: Um. WHAT?
I tell him what happened.
Mike: Wow.
Me: Yup. The p.d. said they're taking him to Hooper Detox. You can go pick him up in the morning. I'm not pressing charges, but you might want to rethink your friendship with this guy.
Mike: Actually, I just hired the guy to work for me. We decided to go out tonight for the first time. Wow. Guess I'll have to fix that.
Me: Indeed.
11/28/06
More famous folk in my cab
Had 4 of these guys in my cab last night. Kinda funny watching them talk around their knees. :o)
Then a little while later had a reporter from the Indiana Star or something to that effect in my cab as well.
11/19/06
These guys were in my cab last night ...
These are the guys from The Fray. If you're a Grey's Anatomy fan at all, you'll know who they are. Had the 2 middle guys in my car after a concert they gave here. They were coming from seeing a band at the Doug Fir, I took them back to their tour buses. They were singing Chris Cornell. :o)Famous folk in my car to date (that I know of):
The Fray (Band)
Anthony Kiedis (Band - Red Hot Chili Peppers)
2 of the guys from Maroon 5 (Band)
Ron Wyden (Politician)
David Ogden Stiers (M*A*S*H)
11/18/06
"She had better NOT leave that meter running until I get there!"
I pick up this young man (19-ish) from downtown at the Hilton 'round about 12:30a not too long ago.
Me: Howdy. How ya doin'?
He: Oh, you know.
Me: Indeed I do. Where we off to tonight?
He: Tualatin. Lower Boones Ferry exit. You know it?
Me: Yup.
He: Any ideas how much this is going to cost?
Me: I'm glad you asked before we left. I'm thinkin' $30 at the outside. That going to be a problem?
He: Nah. Long as it doesn't go over that.
Me: I'm not doin' much else, I can get you down there for $30 tops if it goes over don't worry about it.
He: Really? That's cool. YOU'RE cool. Thanks!!
Me: Not a problem. Now tell me how your night's been going and why you're downtown at almost 1a. grin
He tells me about his new job, recent ex and their child and the problems with all that. We discuss his parents, basically his entire life.
We get down to his place, apt complex, about 20 mins later. He hands me plastic.
Me: Aw hell. If you would have told me it was credit I would have called it in before we left downtown. This going to be good?
He: Yeah, that's why I couldn't go over $30, that's all I have left in the acct.
Me: OK. And I.D.? He hands it up and I run the card.
Me: Hmmmmm. No good. You got cash?
He: No. Um. Hell. I'll be right back, let me check my apt for some cash.
He runs inside. I call my dispatcher and tell him what's going on and where I am. I wrote down this young mans add and apt # when I checked his I.D. I wait about 5 minutes, get the dispatcher on the phone again and go knock on his apt door.
He: Oh ... um ... hey. I was just ... um ... checking for any cash laying around. How did you ...? Oh. The I.D. right?
Me: Yup. It seemed to me like you weren't that much of a bastard when we were talking so I wanted to give you the chance to pay me before I just called the cops. What do you have to say?
He: Um. One sec ... ok? I won't close the door. Look. I'll stand right here and make a phone call.
dial ... ring .. Um ... Mom?? I need you to ... I know it's late but I ... I know mom. I'm sorry. But I ... MOM! Listen, OK? Please. I don't know what happened, I just looked at my bank account online and it says I have the money, but I have a cab driver here saying she is going to call the police because I can't pay the cab fare down here. I don't HAVE any cash mom. Yes, she took it all when she left. Yes mom. But ... what do I tell the driver? looking at me What are my options?
Me: Well, you pay the fare or you can go to jail. That's pretty much it.
He: starting to look a little panic-y. Mom! Did you hear her? Yes. Um ... I forgot. I think it was about $29. Right? to me
Me: Well, it was when we got here, but the meter runs until I get paid. So I imagine it's gone up a few dollars since you hopped outta the car.
He: Mom?!! What do I DO?? I don't know. I can ask. to me Can I use her card?
Me: Only if she signs the slip and I can see her I.D.
He: What if she ok's it?
Me: Nope. Has to be the card member themselves that sign the slip.
He: Um ... Mom?? What now?
Me: I can drive you to them. They'll have to pay the entire fare once I get you there.
He: HA! I don't think so. They're in Salem.
Me: It's only 35 or so miles. Another ... $70 give or take. Or I can call the police now. It's kinda cold out here ... what's it going to be?
He: Mom? I don't want to go to JAIL!! Help me!! What do I do? Ok... um ... then to me She's going to drive up here and pay you, how much is it?
Me: Well ... I imagine its at about $40 now, so by the time they get here ... maybe $60 or so.
And I hear from his phone, still attached to his head, from 3 feet away "She had better NOT leave that meter running until I get there!"
Me: Whoa. Well, unfortunately that's the law. Drive careful. I am going to wait in my car. She has 40 minutes to get here then I'm making a phone call.
He: I'll wait downstairs with you so you can see that I'm legitimate.
My dispatcher had been listening to the entire conversation from my phone, he said "Or at least his MOMMY is legitimate."
I snicker and walk off to the cab. He stands downstairs twiddling his thumbs.
It takes her 35 minutes to drive the 35 odd miles. She brought her husband. Neither one were very happy to see us.
The husband gets out of her car, in his p.j.'s and comes over to the cab and hands me a credit card to pay for the fare.
I run it, it's good. $67.00. No tip. Go figure. :o)
Me: Howdy. How ya doin'?
He: Oh, you know.
Me: Indeed I do. Where we off to tonight?
He: Tualatin. Lower Boones Ferry exit. You know it?
Me: Yup.
He: Any ideas how much this is going to cost?
Me: I'm glad you asked before we left. I'm thinkin' $30 at the outside. That going to be a problem?
He: Nah. Long as it doesn't go over that.
Me: I'm not doin' much else, I can get you down there for $30 tops if it goes over don't worry about it.
He: Really? That's cool. YOU'RE cool. Thanks!!
Me: Not a problem. Now tell me how your night's been going and why you're downtown at almost 1a. grin
He tells me about his new job, recent ex and their child and the problems with all that. We discuss his parents, basically his entire life.
We get down to his place, apt complex, about 20 mins later. He hands me plastic.
Me: Aw hell. If you would have told me it was credit I would have called it in before we left downtown. This going to be good?
He: Yeah, that's why I couldn't go over $30, that's all I have left in the acct.
Me: OK. And I.D.? He hands it up and I run the card.
Me: Hmmmmm. No good. You got cash?
He: No. Um. Hell. I'll be right back, let me check my apt for some cash.
He runs inside. I call my dispatcher and tell him what's going on and where I am. I wrote down this young mans add and apt # when I checked his I.D. I wait about 5 minutes, get the dispatcher on the phone again and go knock on his apt door.
He: Oh ... um ... hey. I was just ... um ... checking for any cash laying around. How did you ...? Oh. The I.D. right?
Me: Yup. It seemed to me like you weren't that much of a bastard when we were talking so I wanted to give you the chance to pay me before I just called the cops. What do you have to say?
He: Um. One sec ... ok? I won't close the door. Look. I'll stand right here and make a phone call.
dial ... ring .. Um ... Mom?? I need you to ... I know it's late but I ... I know mom. I'm sorry. But I ... MOM! Listen, OK? Please. I don't know what happened, I just looked at my bank account online and it says I have the money, but I have a cab driver here saying she is going to call the police because I can't pay the cab fare down here. I don't HAVE any cash mom. Yes, she took it all when she left. Yes mom. But ... what do I tell the driver? looking at me What are my options?
Me: Well, you pay the fare or you can go to jail. That's pretty much it.
He: starting to look a little panic-y. Mom! Did you hear her? Yes. Um ... I forgot. I think it was about $29. Right? to me
Me: Well, it was when we got here, but the meter runs until I get paid. So I imagine it's gone up a few dollars since you hopped outta the car.
He: Mom?!! What do I DO?? I don't know. I can ask. to me Can I use her card?
Me: Only if she signs the slip and I can see her I.D.
He: What if she ok's it?
Me: Nope. Has to be the card member themselves that sign the slip.
He: Um ... Mom?? What now?
Me: I can drive you to them. They'll have to pay the entire fare once I get you there.
He: HA! I don't think so. They're in Salem.
Me: It's only 35 or so miles. Another ... $70 give or take. Or I can call the police now. It's kinda cold out here ... what's it going to be?
He: Mom? I don't want to go to JAIL!! Help me!! What do I do? Ok... um ... then to me She's going to drive up here and pay you, how much is it?
Me: Well ... I imagine its at about $40 now, so by the time they get here ... maybe $60 or so.
And I hear from his phone, still attached to his head, from 3 feet away "She had better NOT leave that meter running until I get there!"
Me: Whoa. Well, unfortunately that's the law. Drive careful. I am going to wait in my car. She has 40 minutes to get here then I'm making a phone call.
He: I'll wait downstairs with you so you can see that I'm legitimate.
My dispatcher had been listening to the entire conversation from my phone, he said "Or at least his MOMMY is legitimate."
I snicker and walk off to the cab. He stands downstairs twiddling his thumbs.
It takes her 35 minutes to drive the 35 odd miles. She brought her husband. Neither one were very happy to see us.
The husband gets out of her car, in his p.j.'s and comes over to the cab and hands me a credit card to pay for the fare.
I run it, it's good. $67.00. No tip. Go figure. :o)
10/24/06
My robbery.
Edited
Pick up this REALLY cute guy down the street from one of the nicer clubs in town - Aura, at about 1:30a one Saturday. He hops in front with me.
Me: Hi there. How ya doin?
He: Not so hot. I'm fighting with my girl.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Am I taking you home?
He: Nah. I have a couple of friends downtown ... somewhere.
Me: "Somewhere"? So you just wanna drive around and look for them? *grin*
He: Do you mind?
Me: I was just kidding. But no, I don't mind. Any ideas which area?
He: I think they're supposed to be down by Bar 71.
Me: Parking down there is at a premium, shouldn't be too hard to find 'em. Unless they're in a parking lot. Then we might be outta luck.
He: It's all right. I don't mind driving around. Just head down that way and I'll look for his car.
Me: All right.
long story short: As we were driving around we chatted about his girlfriend, his friends, basically lfie in general. The whole time I'm stealing looks at him sitting next to me 'cuz this boy is cute! I mean, young Brad Pitt kind of cute.
We pull around to a parking lot by 2nd NW Everett.
He: Hey, pull down this street! I think I see his car, right over there. He points to the right.
Me: OK, which one is it?
He: What say you just give me your money? *grin*
Me: dazzled by this boy's cute smile What say I don't!
He: glances down What say you DO.
Me: looking down and seeing a gun in his hand, pointed at me. Well shit. I'm guessing you don't see your friends car, huh?
He: You're kind of funny. I'm sorry to do this, but I need you to give me your money. I don't want to kill you.
Me: digging in my pocket Well, I'm glad to hear you don't WANT to kill me. Here ya go.
He: looking at what I gave him. This is it? $15.00?? Bullshit. Where's the rest?
Me: Hey now, I just started for the night. I haven't made anything yet. That's my change pack. It's all I have, really.
He: Bull SHIT!! I KNOW you cab drivers carry more than this on you! I've SEEN it!
Me: Not me. I deposit my money as soon as I get it ... in case I get robbed. Ya know?
He: getting a little twitchy now, looking around Give me your damned credit card!!
Me: digging again OK. Here it is. But it's a deposit only card. Just in case. *shrug*
He: getting more upset, puts the gun against my forehead You had better tell me where all your money is, and RIGHT NOW! No more jokes. No more fucking around. Where is it?!!
Me: Hey, come on now. I just started. Look, here's my log sheet, I have nothing on it.
He: grabs the log sheet from me and throws it in the back seat. DAMN IT!!
Me: Just looking at him.
He: FUCK! Don't move.
Me: not moving.
He: reaching over and opening his door. You're lucky.
Me: I feel that way. You go that way, I'll go this way, whatcha say?
He: Have a nice day!! and he hops out and runs to the left.
I turn right, going the wrong way down a one way street, very fast! I pull over 3 blocks later at the Amtrak station (it's the most well lit place around that's open, and I've gotten to know some of the security guards there pretty well). I get on the radio and tell my dispatcher what happened, he calls the p.d. while I'm on the radio, I have to give a description so they can drive around the immediate vicinity and see if they can spot the guy.
The dispatcher tells me they will be there when they're done checking the area as long as I'm in a safe place, unless I want one there right away. I'm all right where I am. I sit in my car and write down what happened, as I remembered it and drew a sketch of the guy (sketch at end of this entry).
A p.d. car shows up with 2 officers. They ask me to describe what happened. I tell them what I remembered, then described what he was wearing.
Me: Oh, and I drew a picture of him. I draw. Here.
They look at it, then at me. Then one officer looks at his partner and they start whispering behind their hands to each other.
Me: What?
Right then, one of our other drivers drove up. The dispatcher called him and asked him to drive over and check on me.
Ron: parked and got out of his car. Are you OK?
Me: started BAWLING!!! big, ol' ugly tears. Not pretty.
He put his arms around me and I just lost it. (Poor guy just started 2 days before this :o)
The officers walk off and talk for a minute, then come back after I've calmed down a bit.
Me: All right, what were you guys whispering about?
Well, turns out that someone that matches this guys description, EXACTLY, killed 2 people at the bar close to where I picked him up at, just a week before that. Just walked into the bar and started shooting.
Me: *blink* Ummm .... *blink* Are you shitting me?
True Story. I freaked. Had to go home. Ron followed me all the way to make sure I made it ok.
Next morning, at about 7a, I get a call from an officer downtown saying they had a young man in custody that looked like my sketch and they wanted me to come down in the afternoon and do a line up at about noon.
At about 11a I get a call from the detective in charge of the case. He says I can't come down and do a line up because they would rather I did a police sketch artist first. I was a good artist and all, but they couldn't use my sketch. Had to be someone that could go to court and testify.
Fine. He gave me the number of the sketch artist detective and asked that I call her. I did. Set up an appt for later that afternoon.
I went in about 2p and met with her. She was really cool, and -understandably- incredibly calm. All she asked was that I describe to her what had happened, then what he was wearing. She took notes. Explained that what she did was take notes, I would come back in another day or two and she would have a picture for me to look at and we could refine it from there. I asked about the guy in custody, she said they had to let him go, he wasn't the guy. Apparently he was in jail at the time I got arrested.
After I finished up with her I took my sketch down to Kinkos and made a hundred copies. I took them to the 2 largest cab companies here and told them what happened and to pass out the pictures. Turns out I was too late. This same guy (according to other driver) robbed him at gun point at about 2p that day. AND THEN he robbed a cab driver from the other largest company in town about 18 hours after that one, and this time he had another guy with him. Everyone was speculating that he was starting a career.
I went back to the detective 2 days later, we refined the sketch and talked a bit. When we finished she pulled out the sketch that I drew. It was pretty close. She said she hadn't looked at it because she couldn't be influenced by what I had drawn. I gotta tell ya, I was INCREDIBLY impressed with her being able to draw just from what I had described. I can draw just about anything, but there's no way I could do what she does, it really was amazing.
We finished, she said she would give it to the detective in charge and they would call me when they knew something.
I called back 2 days after that, they still hadn't caught the guy. And I never heard from them again.
Interestingly enough, this never made the news, although everyone (at least the cabbies) was talking about it, and spread the word. Almost all of my sketch copies were in cabs for quite some time after that.
One good thing did come out of this. A year before I got robbed, the city cab commission had doubled the rate of our cab licenses because they said they were going to put cameras in our cabs but hadn't gotten around to finding a night-compatible camera that would work. (Hell, if they can base an entire series on HBO with those things you'd think they could find something that would work.) But not long after this happened to me they had a meeting and decided they had to find some. Now it's mandatory to have working cameras in our cabs.
As it stands, I have the dubious honor of being the only female cab driver in Ptld to get robbed at gun point.
This happened August of 2004, and only 1.5 weeks after I bought my cab. We had approximately 45 women (of a total of about 1,200) cabbies in Portland when this happened. Now we have less than 15, and - near as I can tell - only 4 of them drive nights.
10/18/06
"Don't air our business in front of the CAB DRIVER FOR CRISSAKES! Just pay her before the neighbors see her out there!"
Got dispatched to a call to pick up this fairly young looking man late Saturday/early Sunday and took him from the east side o' the river to the west in Lake Oswego. It was about a 20 minute ride and we chatted about all kinds of things on the way. Pretty amusing conversationalist.
He: OK. Hold on a second. I have to go in the house to get my money.
Me: Ah. You aren't going to pay me are you?
He: WHAT? Of course I am. Why do you say that?
Me: Because every time I get someone to where they're going and they say 'I have to go in the house to get my money' something always happens and somehow they don't have it.
He: Man. It must suck to have your job. So many flakes out there. NO. I'm straight up. I'll be right back ... with cash. I promise.
Me: mmmm hm. I'll wait right here. You have 3 minutes then I'm calling the cops. Just so you know. *grin*
He: Wow. So untrusting. That's sad.
Me: What's sad is that so far I'm batting a thousand with this particular situation. It would be nice if the city would allow us to ask if a body actually HAS the money when they get in the car to pay for their fare, but they won't let us. They say that everyone KNOWS when they get in a cab that they are paying for a service and we call the police if you don't pay. One of the many reasons why they put cameras in our cabs. So. See you in ... 3 minutes ... right?! *grin*
He: Of course you will. I'm not one of those people that swindle people out of their money. I have a business I run. You can trust me. I'll be right back.
I wait for a few minutes. I call my dispatcher on the phone and tell him the situation and the address of where I am, just in case, and am still talking to him when the young man comes back out of the house and gets in the car.
He: I am so sorry, but my sister took my money.
Me: just staring at him
He: Really. She does this all the time. She knows where I keep my money and goes in there and gets it sometimes.
Me: Ah. And I thought you were going to surprise me here and do the right thing. Can't you go wake her and get your money?
He: No. She went out.
Dispatcher: You want me to call the police now? in my earpiece
Me: No, not yet. Let me see if he has some other form of payment.
He: You take cards right?
Me: Yup. As long as it's good.
He: Of course it's good. Um. It won't clear until Monday right?
Me: No. It's going to clear before I leave your house.
He: Well. Um. It won't be good until Monday.
Me: Not good enough. OK J, call the police. to the dispatcher
He: Wait a minute here. Really. I am being straight with you here. If you let me go until Monday I'll tip you large to wait. I'm not kidding. This is the account I run my business out of. I'm being honest here. etc etc about the sister.
Disp: Well, whaddaya think? You gonna do it?
Me: All right. But only so you know, if this isn't good by Monday I'm calling the police to come here, to your house and arrest you.
He: No problem. You won't have to do that. I promise. It'll be good.
Me: Don't promise me. We tried that. yup. you get jaded driving a cab.
He: Wow, thank you soooo much etc etc
Disp: I can't believe you're going to do this.
Me: I know. Gawd. I'll call you back.
So the kid gets out of the car. I head on my way. Call the disp. back and we chat until I have to go do something else.
Monday comes, card is no good by late in the afternoon. I call the kids cell phone.
Me: Hey Brooke?
He: Yeah. Who's this?
Me: This is your cab driver from last night. Your card isn't good.
He: Hey. What?? No way. I JUST used it. Can you run it again?
Me: Nope. It's been ran 2X. No good. What are you going to do about it?
He: I'll get cash. I'm going to be out of town tonight with my folks, can I hook up with you first thing in the morning when we get back and I'll give you the cash. I'm really sorry.
Me: I won't be around during the day, but the guy that drives my car will be downtown all day tomorrow, how about you hook up with him and give it to him to give me.
We work out the particulars, etc etc.
Tues: Card is still no good, he never contacted my driver and now isn't answering his phone. Go figure.
Me: I call his vm and leave a message. Hey. This is your cab driver. I just wanted to give you one last chance before I call the police. It's 6p now. I'm heading over to your house and will call them from there. Just letting you know.
He calls me back about 5 minutes later.
He: Hey. Sorry, I was on the other line. I'll be here. At home, when you show. I'm really sorry about that. I'll see you in about 1/2 hr right?
Me: Probably closer to an hour. But I'll be there.
I drive over there. Knock on the door. His Dad answers the door.
Me: Hi. Is Stephen around?
Dad: No. He just took off. and just gives me that look like 'what do you want?'
Me: My name is ... and I tell him the whole story.
He has a cell phone in his hand, picks it up and calls his wife.
Dad: Hello. It's me. I have a young lady here says she's a cab driver and that Stephen gave her a bad credit card after telling her some bullshit story about his fake sister taking his money.
Mom: I can hear her over his phone. AGAIN????!! God DAMN it!!
Dad: This has got to stop Patty.
Mom: Don't air our business in front of the CAB DRIVER FOR CRISSAKES!! Just pay her before the neighbors see her out there!! This is a pretty affluent neighborhood.
Me: *smiling*
Dad: Patty, we ...
Mom: PAY HER DAMN IT! I'LL DEAL WITH IT WHEN I GET HOME. and she hangs up on him.
Me: I'm really sorry, I hate doing this kind of stuff. I told him I was going to call the police, so he had plenty of warning. Sorry to disturb your night like this.
Dad: It's not you. I'm sorry he did this, again. Damn kid needs to learn some damned sense. He's been doing this for years. He's 32 years old. We just married 4 years ago and I've been having problems with him ever since.
Me: Really? Wow. He didn't look that old.
Dad: That's why his mom lets him get away with it. Anyway. I don't have that kind of cash on me. Will you take a credit card?
Me: Well ...
Dad: Dont' worry. MY card is good.
Me: Ok. I need to run it in the car.
We take care of business.
Dad: I'm really sorry you had to deal with this.
Me: Ya know, I could always give you your card back and I could call the police anyway. It sounds like he needs a little ... help.
Dad: You know what? If I hadn't already told his mother I'd pay you then I probably would. Thank you. You seem like a nice enough woman, might I suggest you think about another line of work?
Me: Thank you for that. I'm not that nice. *grin* You seem like a nice enough gentleman, might I suggest some family counseling to get rid of the 'adult child that is still living at home and sponging off the family?'
Dad: Touche. Good evening.
Me: You too.
He: OK. Hold on a second. I have to go in the house to get my money.
Me: Ah. You aren't going to pay me are you?
He: WHAT? Of course I am. Why do you say that?
Me: Because every time I get someone to where they're going and they say 'I have to go in the house to get my money' something always happens and somehow they don't have it.
He: Man. It must suck to have your job. So many flakes out there. NO. I'm straight up. I'll be right back ... with cash. I promise.
Me: mmmm hm. I'll wait right here. You have 3 minutes then I'm calling the cops. Just so you know. *grin*
He: Wow. So untrusting. That's sad.
Me: What's sad is that so far I'm batting a thousand with this particular situation. It would be nice if the city would allow us to ask if a body actually HAS the money when they get in the car to pay for their fare, but they won't let us. They say that everyone KNOWS when they get in a cab that they are paying for a service and we call the police if you don't pay. One of the many reasons why they put cameras in our cabs. So. See you in ... 3 minutes ... right?! *grin*
He: Of course you will. I'm not one of those people that swindle people out of their money. I have a business I run. You can trust me. I'll be right back.
I wait for a few minutes. I call my dispatcher on the phone and tell him the situation and the address of where I am, just in case, and am still talking to him when the young man comes back out of the house and gets in the car.
He: I am so sorry, but my sister took my money.
Me: just staring at him
He: Really. She does this all the time. She knows where I keep my money and goes in there and gets it sometimes.
Me: Ah. And I thought you were going to surprise me here and do the right thing. Can't you go wake her and get your money?
He: No. She went out.
Dispatcher: You want me to call the police now? in my earpiece
Me: No, not yet. Let me see if he has some other form of payment.
He: You take cards right?
Me: Yup. As long as it's good.
He: Of course it's good. Um. It won't clear until Monday right?
Me: No. It's going to clear before I leave your house.
He: Well. Um. It won't be good until Monday.
Me: Not good enough. OK J, call the police. to the dispatcher
He: Wait a minute here. Really. I am being straight with you here. If you let me go until Monday I'll tip you large to wait. I'm not kidding. This is the account I run my business out of. I'm being honest here. etc etc about the sister.
Disp: Well, whaddaya think? You gonna do it?
Me: All right. But only so you know, if this isn't good by Monday I'm calling the police to come here, to your house and arrest you.
He: No problem. You won't have to do that. I promise. It'll be good.
Me: Don't promise me. We tried that. yup. you get jaded driving a cab.
He: Wow, thank you soooo much etc etc
Disp: I can't believe you're going to do this.
Me: I know. Gawd. I'll call you back.
So the kid gets out of the car. I head on my way. Call the disp. back and we chat until I have to go do something else.
Monday comes, card is no good by late in the afternoon. I call the kids cell phone.
Me: Hey Brooke?
He: Yeah. Who's this?
Me: This is your cab driver from last night. Your card isn't good.
He: Hey. What?? No way. I JUST used it. Can you run it again?
Me: Nope. It's been ran 2X. No good. What are you going to do about it?
He: I'll get cash. I'm going to be out of town tonight with my folks, can I hook up with you first thing in the morning when we get back and I'll give you the cash. I'm really sorry.
Me: I won't be around during the day, but the guy that drives my car will be downtown all day tomorrow, how about you hook up with him and give it to him to give me.
We work out the particulars, etc etc.
Tues: Card is still no good, he never contacted my driver and now isn't answering his phone. Go figure.
Me: I call his vm and leave a message. Hey. This is your cab driver. I just wanted to give you one last chance before I call the police. It's 6p now. I'm heading over to your house and will call them from there. Just letting you know.
He calls me back about 5 minutes later.
He: Hey. Sorry, I was on the other line. I'll be here. At home, when you show. I'm really sorry about that. I'll see you in about 1/2 hr right?
Me: Probably closer to an hour. But I'll be there.
I drive over there. Knock on the door. His Dad answers the door.
Me: Hi. Is Stephen around?
Dad: No. He just took off. and just gives me that look like 'what do you want?'
Me: My name is ... and I tell him the whole story.
He has a cell phone in his hand, picks it up and calls his wife.
Dad: Hello. It's me. I have a young lady here says she's a cab driver and that Stephen gave her a bad credit card after telling her some bullshit story about his fake sister taking his money.
Mom: I can hear her over his phone. AGAIN????!! God DAMN it!!
Dad: This has got to stop Patty.
Mom: Don't air our business in front of the CAB DRIVER FOR CRISSAKES!! Just pay her before the neighbors see her out there!! This is a pretty affluent neighborhood.
Me: *smiling*
Dad: Patty, we ...
Mom: PAY HER DAMN IT! I'LL DEAL WITH IT WHEN I GET HOME. and she hangs up on him.
Me: I'm really sorry, I hate doing this kind of stuff. I told him I was going to call the police, so he had plenty of warning. Sorry to disturb your night like this.
Dad: It's not you. I'm sorry he did this, again. Damn kid needs to learn some damned sense. He's been doing this for years. He's 32 years old. We just married 4 years ago and I've been having problems with him ever since.
Me: Really? Wow. He didn't look that old.
Dad: That's why his mom lets him get away with it. Anyway. I don't have that kind of cash on me. Will you take a credit card?
Me: Well ...
Dad: Dont' worry. MY card is good.
Me: Ok. I need to run it in the car.
We take care of business.
Dad: I'm really sorry you had to deal with this.
Me: Ya know, I could always give you your card back and I could call the police anyway. It sounds like he needs a little ... help.
Dad: You know what? If I hadn't already told his mother I'd pay you then I probably would. Thank you. You seem like a nice enough woman, might I suggest you think about another line of work?
Me: Thank you for that. I'm not that nice. *grin* You seem like a nice enough gentleman, might I suggest some family counseling to get rid of the 'adult child that is still living at home and sponging off the family?'
Dad: Touche. Good evening.
Me: You too.
10/10/06
"I need to know your # in case I can't find anyone better to fuck tonight."
I pick up these 2 young, fairly respectable looking men from Mary's, a tiny little strip joint downtown that - for whatever reason - seems to be where everyone has to go when they come to Ptld. Rumor has it the women have been working there since it opened ... in the 70's. I've only been in there once. Scared the bejesus outta me! They both jump in back, it's 2:30a.
Little Punk1: Hey baby. We're going to the Doug Fir. Here's my credit card. He throws it in my general direction. You know where that is?
Me: Yup.
We start heading around the block, if you've never been, downtown Ptld is all one way streets, as the Doug Fir is just across the Burnside bridge ... a total of 15 blocks across the bridge: 7 blocks this side, 8 the other.
LP1: Hey baby, do you mind if I jump up front with you here? He asks, by the time he says "mind" he is already in the front seat, and we've only gone 3 blocks. Thanks babe. How you doin' tonight?
Me: I'm ...
LP1: OH SHIT!! Pull over!! Quick!! I know these girls!! I pull over next to 2 young ladies walking up the street. Hey girls! How you doing tonight? They step up to the car. I need some help if you would, please?
Girl1: Hi there! You're cute. giggle What can we do for you?
LP1: I need to know your number so I can call you if I can't find someone better to fuck tonight.
Me: blink
G1: WHAT did you say?
LP1: What I SAID was that if I can NOT find any better pussy tonight then I would like to have you as back up to suck. my. dick. Did you understand THAT?
Me: eyeroll and blink
G1: who, incidentally, hasn't walked off yet Ummmm. I don't think so. and then she giggles to her friend. I wanna slap 'em both. Hell, all 3 of them.
LP1: Well. What do you think of THIS? And the shithead picks his narrow ass up off the seat, unzips his pants and shows his dick to the girls out the window. You want this. Right?
G1: I don't THINK so. and NOW they walk off.
LP1: sits back down in the seat, w/out zipping up then So Cabbie, what do YOU think?
Me: I think you should zip up before you embarrass yourself.
LP2: Hell. He does this all the time. He doesn't embarrass.
We get stuck at a light.
LP1: Looks at me Well. Really? What do you think?
Me: I think it must be cold in here. Let me roll up the window for you Junior.
LP2: laughing hysterically She's got YOUR number man!
LP1: narrows his eyes No. Really. Tell me what you think.
Me: I THINK you should zip up your pants before I have to charge you extra for an obscenity charge.
LP1: You wouldn't do that. Here. Touch it. and the little bastard actually tried to grab my hand!!
Me: Hey now!! Don't touch the driver. What's wrong with you?!!
LP1: No really. It gets bigger if you touch it. Look. and he tried AGAIN to touch me.
Me: snatching my hand away. Really. Don't. Touch. Me.
LP1: Shit. You're gonna charge me extra for an "obscenity charge" huh? How much?
Me: What sounds fair? Fifty bucks?
Lp1: Shit. You could charge me that every day for the rest of your life and never get all my money. My daddy is rich.
Me: Whatever. Just don't touch me again.
LP1: Really. My daddy is rich.
Me: I. don't. care. Just don't touch me again or your rich daddy is gonna hafta come bail your stupid, drunk ass outta jail. GOT. IT.?
LP2: Man. Remember what your dad said about if this happened again?
LP1: She won't call the cops on me. She can't prove anything anyway.
Me: What do you think we got cameras in these cars for, Junior?
LP1: STOP CALLING ME 'JUNIOR', DAMN IT! then looking at the camera. Well. I won't pay you. You can't make me.
Me: Then I WILL have y0u arrested, JUNIOR. Besides, you already gave me your credit card. We only have 2 blocks to go. Just shut the hell up and zip up your pants. You're pathetic.
He zips up and doesn't say anything until we get there. I pull over, run his card, and put in the 'description' "Cab Fare and Obscenity Charge". He gets out of the car and grabs the clipboard from me through the window to sign his card copy. Then he throws the clipboard at me and walks off.
LP2: I'm really sorry about my friend. He gets stupid every time we get drunk and in a cab. I think he was just worse tonight because you're a woman.
Me: Yeah. Whatever. You might want to rethink your friendship.
A couple of people walk up and get into the cab so he walks off. They as me what happened, why that guy threw the clipboard at me. I tell them and we laugh the whole way to their house.
I call my bf and tell him the story. He laughs, then says "You shoulda stun gunned him in the balls! I bet THAT would have gotten his attention."
Little Punk1: Hey baby. We're going to the Doug Fir. Here's my credit card. He throws it in my general direction. You know where that is?
Me: Yup.
We start heading around the block, if you've never been, downtown Ptld is all one way streets, as the Doug Fir is just across the Burnside bridge ... a total of 15 blocks across the bridge: 7 blocks this side, 8 the other.
LP1: Hey baby, do you mind if I jump up front with you here? He asks, by the time he says "mind" he is already in the front seat, and we've only gone 3 blocks. Thanks babe. How you doin' tonight?
Me: I'm ...
LP1: OH SHIT!! Pull over!! Quick!! I know these girls!! I pull over next to 2 young ladies walking up the street. Hey girls! How you doing tonight? They step up to the car. I need some help if you would, please?
Girl1: Hi there! You're cute. giggle What can we do for you?
LP1: I need to know your number so I can call you if I can't find someone better to fuck tonight.
Me: blink
G1: WHAT did you say?
LP1: What I SAID was that if I can NOT find any better pussy tonight then I would like to have you as back up to suck. my. dick. Did you understand THAT?
Me: eyeroll and blink
G1: who, incidentally, hasn't walked off yet Ummmm. I don't think so. and then she giggles to her friend. I wanna slap 'em both. Hell, all 3 of them.
LP1: Well. What do you think of THIS? And the shithead picks his narrow ass up off the seat, unzips his pants and shows his dick to the girls out the window. You want this. Right?
G1: I don't THINK so. and NOW they walk off.
LP1: sits back down in the seat, w/out zipping up then So Cabbie, what do YOU think?
Me: I think you should zip up before you embarrass yourself.
LP2: Hell. He does this all the time. He doesn't embarrass.
We get stuck at a light.
LP1: Looks at me Well. Really? What do you think?
Me: I think it must be cold in here. Let me roll up the window for you Junior.
LP2: laughing hysterically She's got YOUR number man!
LP1: narrows his eyes No. Really. Tell me what you think.
Me: I THINK you should zip up your pants before I have to charge you extra for an obscenity charge.
LP1: You wouldn't do that. Here. Touch it. and the little bastard actually tried to grab my hand!!
Me: Hey now!! Don't touch the driver. What's wrong with you?!!
LP1: No really. It gets bigger if you touch it. Look. and he tried AGAIN to touch me.
Me: snatching my hand away. Really. Don't. Touch. Me.
LP1: Shit. You're gonna charge me extra for an "obscenity charge" huh? How much?
Me: What sounds fair? Fifty bucks?
Lp1: Shit. You could charge me that every day for the rest of your life and never get all my money. My daddy is rich.
Me: Whatever. Just don't touch me again.
LP1: Really. My daddy is rich.
Me: I. don't. care. Just don't touch me again or your rich daddy is gonna hafta come bail your stupid, drunk ass outta jail. GOT. IT.?
LP2: Man. Remember what your dad said about if this happened again?
LP1: She won't call the cops on me. She can't prove anything anyway.
Me: What do you think we got cameras in these cars for, Junior?
LP1: STOP CALLING ME 'JUNIOR', DAMN IT! then looking at the camera. Well. I won't pay you. You can't make me.
Me: Then I WILL have y0u arrested, JUNIOR. Besides, you already gave me your credit card. We only have 2 blocks to go. Just shut the hell up and zip up your pants. You're pathetic.
He zips up and doesn't say anything until we get there. I pull over, run his card, and put in the 'description' "Cab Fare and Obscenity Charge". He gets out of the car and grabs the clipboard from me through the window to sign his card copy. Then he throws the clipboard at me and walks off.
LP2: I'm really sorry about my friend. He gets stupid every time we get drunk and in a cab. I think he was just worse tonight because you're a woman.
Me: Yeah. Whatever. You might want to rethink your friendship.
A couple of people walk up and get into the cab so he walks off. They as me what happened, why that guy threw the clipboard at me. I tell them and we laugh the whole way to their house.
I call my bf and tell him the story. He laughs, then says "You shoulda stun gunned him in the balls! I bet THAT would have gotten his attention."
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