"You fucking lying fucking whore!"

I picked up 2 fellas late one night, heading home from the bar. One was fairly calm but slightly intoxicated, the other quite drunk and barely speaking, just leaning against the door.

The nicer of the 2 (Mike) and I chatted while I took him home first. A quick 5 minute ride from where we were.

Mike: as he is getting out Hey Steve, you going to be all right with this lady taking you home?

Steve: Hm? yeah. Sshure.

Me: Hey Steve, what's your address? he just looks at me Do you have any I.D. or something with your address on it so I know where to take you?

Steve: looks at Mike Shhhe's fucking with me huh?

Mike: Nah. She just needs to know your address to get you home. Can you help her out?

Steve: ummmm ok. As long as ssshe doeshn't fuck with me nnnoOOO MORE. I'll ssshhow her.

Mike: looking at me Are you all right with this? He doesn't live too far away, close in, Sellwood.

Me: Well, it isn't too far, we should be all right. Right Steve?

Steve: Whatever.

Mike: Um. I tell ya what, here's the cab fare for my part, and here's my phone number in case you have any problems. K?

Me: K.

We head off.

Me: Steve? You all right back there?

Steve: Yup. Jusssht take me home. Damn. Women. Sheesh.

Me: Ok. Well, where do you live? he gives me an in general and we head off.

We get to 17th SE Holgate.

Me: Steve? HEY! Steve! Wake up man, where do we go from here?

Steve: looking out the window Fuck this. AND you. I'm outta here. and he gets out.

I just look at him for a sec and seriously think about leaving him. I pull in across the street at a store and call Mike.

Me: Hey, this is your cab driver. I'm having a problem with Steve. He just got outta the cab at 17th se Holgate. I thought of leaving him, but I hate doing that with drunks. Whatcha want me to do?

Mike: Um. Shit. What's he doing?

Me: Right now, he's peeing on a phone pole.

Mike. Are you kidding me? Shit. Can you put him on the phone?

Me: Yup. Hold on, I'll drive over there. ... Hey Steve! I have Mike on the phone. Get in the car and I'll let you talk to him. he does and I do.

They talk for a second and he hands the phone back to me.

Mike: He's should be ok now. His address is ... and if you have nay more problems with him give me a call. OK?

Me: Yeah.

We get to Steve's place. I have to wake him up again. He can't find his cash or card. Right at that moment his gf called on his phone. He answers.

Steve: I'm downshtairsh. In the cab. I can't find my money. and he starts nodding off again.

Me: Hey! Give me the phone, I'll talk to her. Hi. Yeah, I'm the cabbie. He owes me 26$ right now but he can't find his money. Can you come down, I can't get him to tell me which apt. he lives in. Thank you. See you in a second.

Meanwhile, Steve has passed out again.

His gf comes downstairs and walks to the car. She hands me $26.

GF: Are you having any problems?

Me: Sort of. He jumped out of the cab so he could pee on a pole so I had to call his friend Mike. But we got it under control and now you can have him.

Steve: YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU FUCKING WHORE! YOU FUCKING LYING FUCKING WHORE!!! And he starts swinging at me!!

Me: What the FUCK are you doing man? Calm down. I look at gf. Get him the fuck outta my car.

She just throws up her hands and walks off. He's still flailing about in the back seat.

Me: Steve! CALM DOWN. NOW.

Steve: You FUCKING LYING FUCKING BITCH WHORE!! swings at me again, this time connects with the back of my arm.

Me: THAT's IT.

I get turn off the car, take out the keys and get out of the car. Call the police. It doesn't take them too long to get there. They haul him off. I get back in the car and head back downtown. My phone rings.

Mike: Hey Michelle? This is Mike. Did you get Steve home ok?

Me: Boy, did I. Then I had him arrested.

Mike: Um. WHAT?

I tell him what happened.

Mike: Wow.

Me: Yup. The p.d. said they're taking him to Hooper Detox. You can go pick him up in the morning. I'm not pressing charges, but you might want to rethink your friendship with this guy.

Mike: Actually, I just hired the guy to work for me. We decided to go out tonight for the first time. Wow. Guess I'll have to fix that.

Me: Indeed.