"You think we're too DRUNK to drive?"

I got sent to Lucky's bar in Gresham last night, 'round about 2:30 to pick up someone. I got there at 2:45a and they were locked up tight. I finally got the security guy's attention (instructions say to contact doorman) and he tells me the people are sitting on the other side of the bar where their car is at. They are too drunk to drive and asked him to call them a cab.

I pull around the corner of the building and see a big ol' dumpster out there with a cop sitting next to it. Car's not running. Just ... hanging. I wave. He waves back. Whatever. I pull around the dumpster and there's the two and their car, arguing about waiting for the cab as it's taking too long and she just wants to go. He's arguing, but not too strongly. I pull up next to them - and can still see the officer - and say hi.

Me: Are you the folks that called for the cab?

He: Um ... I'm not sure.

Me: Well, I certainly wouldn't think about driving if I were you. You never know WHERE there might be cops hiding at.

She: What? You think we're too DRUNK to drive?

Me: That's what the door guy said.

She: Well, fuck you!! I don't need no fucking cab. I can drive my damned self home.

Me: Are you SURE about that? I mean really, I wouldn't if I were you.

She: FUCK YOU!!! Fucking cab drivers think they know every fucking thing!! Give me the fucking keys. I'm going home now. With or without you Dan.

Me: But you should know ...

She: Shut the FUCK UP!! I TOLD you I can fucking drive!!! FUCK OFF!!

Me: laughing All right. Well, I'm just going to wait right here for you guys to make it out the parking lot okay. You have yourselves a GREAT night!! and I just smile and wave.

She flipped me off and drove off. I waited for the cop to drive out and pull them over. I pulled out - I swear, no more than 50 yards down the road - and get stuck next to them at the light.

Me: rolling down my passenger window I was going to tell you, before you started cussing me out that there was a cop behind the dumpster. Toodles!!

And I drove off. Laughing my ass of for the next 1/2 hour.