"Yes, you ARE stupid."

I got sent to pick up a guy Friday night, about 1a, an "account" call downtown. This is a pretty busy time for us, but no one else would take it as you don't get cash money for this one, you get "credit" that goes to the company and we use it towards our lease. Turned out to be a fairly good run so I was willing.

I get to where I'm to pick him up and follow the instructions on the screen "Pick up at bench, wait at the corner of 5th/Pine". Easy enough, he was coming out of the building 1/2 way down the block (US Bank Bldg) but would meet me there. The city is working on the streets downtown (bless 'em) so I parked at the corner of 5th/Pine next to the only bench around. And it's a big one, goes around a tree, probably 20 ft ea way around.

I wait, and wait and wait. Finally call dispatch and get them to call the cust as we aren't allowed to have phone numbers on acct calls. They get back to me on the radio saying they can't get out of him where he is so they're just sending me the number and "good luck". (They've done this before if they can't understand the person, apparently I decipher drunk better than they. :o) It must be bad if they're sending me the number. I look at the screen again, he's an AMS patient. Neat. AMS = Altered Mental State. I've run into quite a few of these folks before, most of them aren't that bad.

I call the guy:

Me: Hi is this Daniel (I don't remember his name)?

He: Yes. Who is this?

Me: This is your cab driver, where are you?

He: I'm at 5th and Pine. Where are you? You're supposed to be here, right NOW to get me.

Me: I am here. I am parked at the corner of 5th and Pine.

He: No. You aren't.

Me: blink Yes. I am. Next to the bench.

He: I don't see you. You aren't here. If you don't come here RIGHT NOW I'm going to call your company and say you aren't fulfilling your contractual obligation to pick me up and I'm going to get you fired, RIGHT NOW.

Now that one kinda irritated me.

Me: I AM here, on THE CORNER of 5th and Pine. Where are you?

He: I am where I am supposed to be.

Me: OK, are you sitting on the bench?

He: NO.

Me: Then you aren't where you're supposed to be, so let me figure out exactly where you are so we can get you home. OK?

He: OK.

Me: So where ARE you? OK, I admit it, I'm a little frustrated now.

He: I'm at the corner of 5th and Pine. You are NOT HERE. I am CALLING YOUR COMPANY RIGHT NOW AND GETTING YOU FIRED FOR NOT BEING HERE!

Me: DANIEL. Stop that, I am leaning on the corner of my car, AT the corner of 5th and Pine. I'm looking back to where he is supposed to come out of the building, a bunch of people just came out but only 1 is on his phone at that moment. Are you wearing a black jacket and a black hat?

He: I can see him looking down at himself. Yes.

Me: All right, look to your right. He looks to his left. No, the other direction. He looks right at me. Do you see me waving at you?

He: Looking RIGHT at me. No.

Me: ... what the ... For Crissakes Daniel, you're looking right at me.

He: He looks at me for another moment then looks to his left again. I don't see you, I think you're on 4th street. Can't you COUNT? You're supposed to be here to get me at 1:05 am, you're LATE. You're supposed to pick me up at 5th and Pine, at the park bench.

Me: at this point I'm walking across the street to get him. DANIEL. I'm your cab driver. Come with me. He's only about 30 feet from my cab. And where is this park bench?

He: That one, he points, right there.

Me: looking There is no park bench there.

He: Of course not, the city took it out months ago when they started working on the street. Sheesh.

Me: mentally tearing his altered mental state out of his ass. Then you shouldn't tell us to pick you up at the bench. I was waiting at that bench pointing next to my cab because it's the only one here.

He: But you cab drivers always pick me up at THAT bench. again pointing to the one that isn't there.

Me: But Daniel, if there is no bench there, how am I supposed to pick you up there?

He: Because you know where it is. DUH! What are you ... stupid?

Me: Gawd, this is going to be a long ride. No, I'm no stupid Daniel. Here's my cab, let's go. I open the back door for him.

He: Yes, you ARE stupid. I knew it, you aren't at 5th and Pine.

Me: Daniel, look at the sign, right here, next to the cab. Can you read that? It says "5th" and the other says "Pine".

He: Yes, I can read. I'm not STUPID like you. You are parked on the wrong street. I think you need to go back to kindergarten so you can learn to read. You're so stupid. You can't even find the bench you're so stupid.

This is way too much like 2nd grade for me. I was afraid I'd end up throwing him in the sand box like I did with Jodiwiththebigboobsin2ndgrade for making fun of me for having freckles.

Me: Slamming the back door shut before he gets in. Daniel, I tell you what, why don't you go sit on your park bench, I'm going to have to call you another cab. I'm too stupid to find your house and I would hate to have you stuck in my cab. Have a good night.

And I drive off before he could say another word.

Oh my GAWD. I can only take so much, even from AMS people. THIS is why I'm a cab driver and not working with the indigent.