"Well 'Hello' Officer"

I get sent to pick up a fella in inner NE Ptld to take him to the 'port early one morning. His instructions say "be early if you can, will be ready and watching". I show up at this fairly nice house with 2.4 Mercedes in the driveway 15 minutes early, park, and wait. 20 minutes. So much for being early.

Anyway, we start heading out to 33rd to get to the 'port. We're tooling along discussing working in another country and not speaking their language and the incredible sunrise when I get a phone call from "unknown". Typical.

Me: Oops, sorry, one second to the guy in the back seat Hello??

Caller: Hello. Is this M?

Me: Yup. Can I help you?

Caller: Hello, this is Officer Soandso from Ptld Police, did you witness and young man breaking trees in the downtown area about 25 minutes ago?

Me: I did. You guys found him??!! Right on!

OS: Yes we did. You called us because you saw what exactly?

Me: While I was sitting at the light at 3rd and W Burnside he broke 1 tree in front of The Dixie on 3rd and was starting on another. I called your dispatcher and told her what was going on but when I drove around the block dude was gone. So you actually found him huh?

OS: Yes. I am calling to get your information as a witness.

Me: All rightee. I'm glad you caught the little sucker, but, um ... did he confess?

OS: Yes, actually he did. We found the closest guy that matched your description and when we asked him about it he admitted it was him.

Me: What a frickin' idiot! In more ways than one. It's a good thing he confessed 'cuz I tell ya, I couldn't've picked him outta a line up. Unless the other 5 ppl were female. Then the odds are pretty good. Am I going to have to testify? I'll make a terrible witness.

OS: No, I doubt you'll have to testify, I'm sure this one will get pled out.

Me: Cool beans. Anyway Officer, can I get your badge # and the spelling of your name and I'll go ahead and call your dispatcher and give them my information 'cuz honestly, I don't trust anyone that calls me and asks for my address. :o)

So he did, and I did. Soon as I got off the phone with the nice Officer the guy in the back had to know what that was all about. I told him and he thanked me for doing something about it.

Random, completely meaningless violence gets on my nerves.

So then we got back to the previous conversation about speaking other languages in other countries. Dude is flying off to Germany for a coupla weeks to work.

Me: So, do you actually speak German?

He: Nah. I'm another typical, ignorant American running around the world expecting everyone to cater to me.

Me: Ha! Ain't that the truth though? Sad. I tell ya what, just my personal opinion, but if I were going to another country to live and work then I would damn sure expect to know their language.

He: Well, I tell you, you're a dying breed. Not only because of that but I tell you, I travel 45 weeks out of the year, to various countries and I have never had a female cab driver. It's amazing to me how brave you are.

Me: Pssht. Thank you, but here in Ptld we have about 20 women cabbies, give or take. Portland is still a nice enough city that you can have them.

He: Yeah, maybe. But how many of them drive nights?

Me: Um, 3 that I know of. One for each of the major companies.

He: You really are brave. Don't discount that just because you drive in Ptld. It's dangerous.

Me: Aw shucks. You're gonna make me blush. :o) But thank you.