I wrote this one about 4 yrs back. This is all still pertinent and I've added one or two more. :)
DO: Talk to your cab driver. You might enjoy it.
DO: Turn on your damned porch light!! If you expect to get to the airport at some un-godly hour and I have to get out and walk up to every single house to see a damned address because the entire street has their lights off then damn it, I'm going to be late.
DO: Call back and cancel your call if your idiot friend comes back and you decided to ride w/their drunken ass back to where ever.
DO: Let me know if you aren't feeling well. Don't make me find out the hard way. It makes for an unhappy cabbie.
DO: Actually have the means to pay the fare before you get in the cab.
DON'T: Sit in the front seat if you're the only person in the cab other than me. I load up the front seat w/crap for this very reason. And don't insist on it even after I ask you to sit in back. It's a comfort issue. Mine. Not yours.
DON'T: Let the first words out of your mouth something along the lines of a) 'have you ever been robbed?' b) 'do you ever feel scared?' c) 'ever get somewhere and have someone run without paying?' Any combination of these will likely get you on the side of the road waiting for another cab.
DON'T: Complain to me that every single cab driver you've ever gotten doesn't speak english. Not my fault. When the powers that (shouldn't) be decide to make it illegal to work in this country if English isn't your first language THEN you can complain. To them. Not me.
DON'T: Call the 3 major cab companies in Ptld because you're in a hurry and take whichever shows first w/out calling the others and cancelling. Not cool.
DON'T: Touch the driver! Just ... don't.
DON'T: Think that just because I'm a woman driving a cab I'm desperate enough to sleep with you. I don't care how charming your drunk ass thinks you are ... I'm saying you aren't.
DON'T: Flash the camera. Seriously. I don't want to see your boobs. I have my own and odds are fairly decent they're better than yours.
DON'T: Get jealous when your bf is giving me directions. I am no one's competition. If he's willing to go out w/your drunk ass then I probably don't want him anyway.
And a BIG DON'T: Don't look down on me because I'm a cab driver. I'm not living on the street. Or popping out kids to live off welfare. Or trying to cheat the system. I HAVE a job. It may not be glamorous, or something you would do. But give me the smallest modicum of respect for having a job and being able to use that word in proper context.
8/26/11
"... told him she was only 17 know what he said?"
Sometimes as the cab driver I am invisible to those ppl that wouldn't deign to speak to me. I get it, I do. BUT ... I think they should be a bit more careful about what they speak about. Just 'cuz I'm invisible doesn't mean I'm deaf.
I picked up the director and lead camera guy for a t.v. show that's being filmed here in Ptown every year ( 4 seasons now). I got this from listening to them talk. Our ride ended up being a bit longer than necessary 'cuz instead of them telling me where they wanted to go they gave me an address. When I got them there and quizzed 'em on it turned out they wanted the other side of the bridge. No big deal. Learned some interesting things about some of the actors on the show.
BTW: Not going to say which show (can you say "law suit"? :) but let's say the main actor they're talking about is named ... James. James ... Button. Yeah. (who I've picked up a few times and honestly, is getting a rep around town for being unfriendly to the "help" so I don't feel bad talking about him ... anonymously that is. :)
Dir: Well, what can you expect? She's over 40 so of COURSE she's going to try and tell you how to light her while filming.
Cam: Did I tell you what James did?
Dir: Oh God. What now?
Cam: He was standing next to one of my assistants and saw so-and-so's daughter and told him to get her number for him.
Dir: NOOOO! This guy is killing me ... covering his ass all the time. He'll fire us all if he finds out.
Cam: I know. But when my assis. told him she was so-and-so's daughter and he thought about it for a minute...
Dir: Tell me he changed his mind??
Cam: No! When my assis. told him she was only 17 know what he said??
Dir: I'm afraid to hear.
Cam: He told my guy "So give her MY number and tell her to call me."
Dir: I keep telling these people to stop using their under-aged kids as extras. Shit! We have to find a way to get her off the set w/out so-and-so finding out.
AND ... we have a new section to this lovely blog boys and girls ... Viewer Mail! In which our heroine will show the emails sent to her and respond w/something probably snarky. :)
My email:
I picked up the director and lead camera guy for a t.v. show that's being filmed here in Ptown every year ( 4 seasons now). I got this from listening to them talk. Our ride ended up being a bit longer than necessary 'cuz instead of them telling me where they wanted to go they gave me an address. When I got them there and quizzed 'em on it turned out they wanted the other side of the bridge. No big deal. Learned some interesting things about some of the actors on the show.
BTW: Not going to say which show (can you say "law suit"? :) but let's say the main actor they're talking about is named ... James. James ... Button. Yeah. (who I've picked up a few times and honestly, is getting a rep around town for being unfriendly to the "help" so I don't feel bad talking about him ... anonymously that is. :)
Dir: Well, what can you expect? She's over 40 so of COURSE she's going to try and tell you how to light her while filming.
Cam: Did I tell you what James did?
Dir: Oh God. What now?
Cam: He was standing next to one of my assistants and saw so-and-so's daughter and told him to get her number for him.
Dir: NOOOO! This guy is killing me ... covering his ass all the time. He'll fire us all if he finds out.
Cam: I know. But when my assis. told him she was so-and-so's daughter and he thought about it for a minute...
Dir: Tell me he changed his mind??
Cam: No! When my assis. told him she was only 17 know what he said??
Dir: I'm afraid to hear.
Cam: He told my guy "So give her MY number and tell her to call me."
Dir: I keep telling these people to stop using their under-aged kids as extras. Shit! We have to find a way to get her off the set w/out so-and-so finding out.
AND ... we have a new section to this lovely blog boys and girls ... Viewer Mail! In which our heroine will show the emails sent to her and respond w/something probably snarky. :)
My email:
Trixie,
Been reading your blog for a while now and have never commented or posted, however, thought it was time to do so. First and foremost, you are a very talented writer and artist and I’m grateful that you share those talents with the world.
Secondly, I have shared your blog with several other PDX’ers, and I always get asked “Is that picture really her?”. I of course have to tell them “Don’t know, I’ve never met her. I’d like to think it is!”. Followed by “Every day I find myself going out of my way to look at the driver of every cab I see. I’d like to tell her how much I appreciate the stories and art.”
So that brings me to the third and final part of this e-mail...Is the picture on your blog you?
Please keep sharing with the world!
-Dennis-
Dear Dennis:
I appreciate and thank you for your comments and readership. As much as I'd like to say this is me, it's not. It's some random pic found on the webz. If this were me I would imagine this would be a whole different blog and I'd be making *much* larger tips. ;)
Keep looking though. Imagine there has to be at least one cab driver out there that looks like this.
Although I will say I got a $50 tip earlier this morning. Not a very interesting story: some drunken idiot trying to get me to "dance" with him while we were driving and I finally had to slap his hand for playing w/the buttons on my meter and my radio. Seems I make more when someone is trying to apologize for being an ass. Could make for interesting blog fodder tho.
Dear Dennis:
I appreciate and thank you for your comments and readership. As much as I'd like to say this is me, it's not. It's some random pic found on the webz. If this were me I would imagine this would be a whole different blog and I'd be making *much* larger tips. ;)
Keep looking though. Imagine there has to be at least one cab driver out there that looks like this.
Although I will say I got a $50 tip earlier this morning. Not a very interesting story: some drunken idiot trying to get me to "dance" with him while we were driving and I finally had to slap his hand for playing w/the buttons on my meter and my radio. Seems I make more when someone is trying to apologize for being an ass. Could make for interesting blog fodder tho.
8/16/11
"So ... you waited until she bent down to tie her shoes?"
I picked up a couple from The Kennedy School and took them to a friends' home in outer SE Ptown. We were chatting and got around to the "where are you from" variety of questions. After a few hilarious questions/answers I get that He is from Utah, she is from LA.
Me: I used to live in Sandy, UT but never in LA. Gotta be quite a culture shock huh?
He: Yeah. It's rough being from Utah and being liberal.
Me: What? NO. Is that even possible?
He: And to make it better I'm a Jew.
Me: Holy Chri ... wow. And they LET YOU OUT??
He: Well ... yeah. I suppose. But don't tell anyone.
Me: Hunh. So it wasn't so much a "get out of town and club a woman over the head to take her back and procreate" as it was an "escape plan" eh?
She: Yeah, 'cuz us 6 foot tall Chinese women are so easy to club.
Me: looking at them in the rear view So ... you waited until she bent down to tie her shoes?? :)
They were funny folks. Here for a wedding.
Me: I used to live in Sandy, UT but never in LA. Gotta be quite a culture shock huh?
He: Yeah. It's rough being from Utah and being liberal.
Me: What? NO. Is that even possible?
He: And to make it better I'm a Jew.
Me: Holy Chri ... wow. And they LET YOU OUT??
He: Well ... yeah. I suppose. But don't tell anyone.
Me: Hunh. So it wasn't so much a "get out of town and club a woman over the head to take her back and procreate" as it was an "escape plan" eh?
She: Yeah, 'cuz us 6 foot tall Chinese women are so easy to club.
Me: looking at them in the rear view So ... you waited until she bent down to tie her shoes?? :)
They were funny folks. Here for a wedding.
7/29/11
Customer comment ... this might amuse you. :)
It did me. ;)
Trixie-
If he sends me the picture I am totally putting this on my blog. :) This is the story of 6-27-11.
Trixie-
Whats goin' on? This is Chad #1. ...or two. ...or three, or whoever I am... At any rate, I am the man with the "narrow" He-man embossed ass. First, I love your site dedicated to sharing stories of drunken ass holes with God-knows-what tattooed to their asses; cracks my shit up. Keep up the good work by the way. Anyhow, I was mostly all shit-housed drunk - as were the other Chads that night - however, and correct me if I'm wrong, I recall somewhat recall a cell phone camera and a discount for showing said ass art. Needless to say, I was a little bummed out when pictures of my ass weren't on your web site. Now let me tell you. I didn't go through a drunken night of ass tattooing with my tattoo artist friends for my own benefit. Hell no! I did this for the good of humanity all together! hahaha I did this so that people could see it and laugh and say things like, "What an idiot!" It's the American Dream! hahahahaha
So, if you happen to have the aforementioned picture, put that shit up there! hahaha I can send you another one if you don't though. :)
I'm just giving you a hard time. Thanks for the site, and keep as all entertained.
-Chad #1. ...or two or three or whatever.......
If he sends me the picture I am totally putting this on my blog. :) This is the story of 6-27-11.
7/26/11
This would be hilarious if ...
... the guy wasn't blind.
You'll see. I think I might have done this to a drunk friend in college. :)
I was sitting in the taxi line at the airport waiting to pick up whomever was next when the 'port helper walked a dude out to me w/his luggage and put him in the back seat of my cab. I put his luggage in the trunk and hopped in the car.
Me: Hey there. How you doin'?
He: Fine. Thanks. It was a good flight. I need to go to the Marriott.
Me: K. Which one?
He: Is there more than here? Someone told me this was a pretty small town.
Me: Portland?? We like to think so, but no, 2.5 million w/the 'burbs. And 5 Marriott's just in downtown. Any ideas which one?
He: Not really. Can you get my itinerary out of my luggage? It's in the outside zipper.
Me: Sure.
I hopped out and got into his luggage and pulled out the paperwork ... Mapquest printed out. I was a bit confused by the address until I looked a little closer. Portland, MAINE.
No shit.
Wow. I didn't even know where to go from there. There are cabs lined up behind me waiting for me to get out of the way and I'm just standing there drawing a complete blank. I waved the cabs around me and waved the starter ('port helper) over to me and told him what was going on. I know I wouldn't believe some cab driver if they told me I was on the wrong end of the country so I called in some back up.
Poor dude in the cab finally got out to sit on a bench and make a few phone calls.
While the starter was helping dude back to the bench there was this HOT young man standing there waiting to talk to the starter. We eyeballed each other for a coupla seconds and he smiled at me in a VERY promising way. He started walking towards me, and as I turned to open the door for him this big ol' scary flannel wearing woman walked up from the other way, said "Thanks" and hopped in. Damn it. :)
You'll see. I think I might have done this to a drunk friend in college. :)
I was sitting in the taxi line at the airport waiting to pick up whomever was next when the 'port helper walked a dude out to me w/his luggage and put him in the back seat of my cab. I put his luggage in the trunk and hopped in the car.
Me: Hey there. How you doin'?
He: Fine. Thanks. It was a good flight. I need to go to the Marriott.
Me: K. Which one?
He: Is there more than here? Someone told me this was a pretty small town.
Me: Portland?? We like to think so, but no, 2.5 million w/the 'burbs. And 5 Marriott's just in downtown. Any ideas which one?
He: Not really. Can you get my itinerary out of my luggage? It's in the outside zipper.
Me: Sure.
I hopped out and got into his luggage and pulled out the paperwork ... Mapquest printed out. I was a bit confused by the address until I looked a little closer. Portland, MAINE.
No shit.
Wow. I didn't even know where to go from there. There are cabs lined up behind me waiting for me to get out of the way and I'm just standing there drawing a complete blank. I waved the cabs around me and waved the starter ('port helper) over to me and told him what was going on. I know I wouldn't believe some cab driver if they told me I was on the wrong end of the country so I called in some back up.
Poor dude in the cab finally got out to sit on a bench and make a few phone calls.
While the starter was helping dude back to the bench there was this HOT young man standing there waiting to talk to the starter. We eyeballed each other for a coupla seconds and he smiled at me in a VERY promising way. He started walking towards me, and as I turned to open the door for him this big ol' scary flannel wearing woman walked up from the other way, said "Thanks" and hopped in. Damn it. :)
7/18/11
"It's OK ... who's she going to tell?"
I picked up the wide receiver and punter for our PSU Vikings football team t'other night. The WR was the chatty one, Punter didn't say much. They were both pretty drunk, going from the Cheerful Tortoise to the Barrel Room, short ride.
WR: How you doing tonight?
Me: I'm having at least 3 types of fun tonight. How 'bout you fellas?
WR: We're ... wait? 3 types? What three?
Me: Mental, physical and emotional.
WR: Well, you're pretty quick.
Me: That's called being sober hun. What're you fellas up to tonight? Other than the obvious I mean.
P: Obvious? What do you think we're up to? and he said this with the HOTTEST Australian accent ... not that they aren't all hot to my untrained ear. and beating heart
Me: Holy Baby Jesus you sound CUTE! and wow, he was good looking too.
WR: Yeah. That's what all the girls say.
Me: I bet that isn't all they say to him.
WR: So what do you think we're doing?
Me: I think you're taking this guy to the bar to pick up women.
WR: Now how did you guess? That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm lazy. I just sit back and let him do the fishing for me.
Me: Like fishing in a drinking glass with that accent I imagine.
WR: Yeah, if I'm lucky I might get one of the cast-offs from the 2 or 3 he picks up.
Me: Oh c'mon now, you look like you might clean up pretty well yourself. If you were to maybe wear something besides that nasty old shirt and shorts.
WR: Yeah. Guess I could have changed my shirt, this one hasn't been washed in a week.
P: I wouldn't advertise that if I were you.
WR: It's OK ... who's she going to tell?
Who indeed.
WR: How you doing tonight?
Me: I'm having at least 3 types of fun tonight. How 'bout you fellas?
WR: We're ... wait? 3 types? What three?
Me: Mental, physical and emotional.
WR: Well, you're pretty quick.
Me: That's called being sober hun. What're you fellas up to tonight? Other than the obvious I mean.
P: Obvious? What do you think we're up to? and he said this with the HOTTEST Australian accent ... not that they aren't all hot to my untrained ear. and beating heart
Me: Holy Baby Jesus you sound CUTE! and wow, he was good looking too.
WR: Yeah. That's what all the girls say.
Me: I bet that isn't all they say to him.
WR: So what do you think we're doing?
Me: I think you're taking this guy to the bar to pick up women.
WR: Now how did you guess? That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm lazy. I just sit back and let him do the fishing for me.
Me: Like fishing in a drinking glass with that accent I imagine.
WR: Yeah, if I'm lucky I might get one of the cast-offs from the 2 or 3 he picks up.
Me: Oh c'mon now, you look like you might clean up pretty well yourself. If you were to maybe wear something besides that nasty old shirt and shorts.
WR: Yeah. Guess I could have changed my shirt, this one hasn't been washed in a week.
P: I wouldn't advertise that if I were you.
WR: It's OK ... who's she going to tell?
Who indeed.
7/16/11
Random violence to my cab ...
I got sent to "Mystic" to pick up this 20 yr old dancer. When I pulled in there was a group of popped collar young men walking towards me to get to their car(s). One was staggering all over the parking lot and dropped his cigarette about 15 feet in front of my cab.
Took him quite a bit of maneuvering to get from where he was to the ground to get the cigarette, then he had a hard time re-standing. I just stopped and waited.
After all his friends had walked by (and smiled at me) he got motor-vating forward towards his friends. He eyeballed the cab as he walked by, said "Fucking Foreigners" quite loud and kicked the fender of my cab. Just 'cuz.
I shoulda ran him over.
I picked up a gent from the airport, his home was downtown at the St Claire bldg so I had to wander up Burnside to get there last night. For those of you that don't know Ptld, W Burnside (and parts of East) are like running a gauntlet of drunks and/or idiots. Tonight as I was driving up the Burnside w/this guy I was on the sidewalk-side of the road as some tourist was parked in the middle of the road trying to make an illegal left.
I heard a weird "plop" and looked to my right, there was this ha-UGE pile of bird crap on my passenger side windshield. I couldn't help it, I just blurted out
"Wow! That bird was FULL! I'm impressed it could still fly."
Then had to point out to Dude what I was talking about (check out the picture below). We were only about 3 blocks from his house so I got him where he was going. After he paid I got out to get his luggage outta the trunk and walked around front to look at the "damage" the bird did. Turns out it was all over the hood and up over the windshield and onto the roof of the cab. After taking some time to admire the sheer talent of that bird I looked at it a bit closer ... it was birthday cake. Chocolate w/white frosting.
Wasn't so impressed after that.
Took him quite a bit of maneuvering to get from where he was to the ground to get the cigarette, then he had a hard time re-standing. I just stopped and waited.
After all his friends had walked by (and smiled at me) he got motor-vating forward towards his friends. He eyeballed the cab as he walked by, said "Fucking Foreigners" quite loud and kicked the fender of my cab. Just 'cuz.
I shoulda ran him over.
I picked up a gent from the airport, his home was downtown at the St Claire bldg so I had to wander up Burnside to get there last night. For those of you that don't know Ptld, W Burnside (and parts of East) are like running a gauntlet of drunks and/or idiots. Tonight as I was driving up the Burnside w/this guy I was on the sidewalk-side of the road as some tourist was parked in the middle of the road trying to make an illegal left.
I heard a weird "plop" and looked to my right, there was this ha-UGE pile of bird crap on my passenger side windshield. I couldn't help it, I just blurted out
"Wow! That bird was FULL! I'm impressed it could still fly."
Then had to point out to Dude what I was talking about (check out the picture below). We were only about 3 blocks from his house so I got him where he was going. After he paid I got out to get his luggage outta the trunk and walked around front to look at the "damage" the bird did. Turns out it was all over the hood and up over the windshield and onto the roof of the cab. After taking some time to admire the sheer talent of that bird I looked at it a bit closer ... it was birthday cake. Chocolate w/white frosting.
Wasn't so impressed after that.
6/27/11
"I'll take $5.00 off the fare if you show it to me."
Picked up these 3 hot guys from up off Broadway Drive going to Sassy's (strip joint) not too far away across the river. Big, loud guy is named Tyson. He's the chatty one, thinks he's a gift to all woman-kind so of course he thought he had my number. :) The cute, small guy is up front w/me texting w/his woman and the guys in back are giving him a hard time.
Tyson: He's not texting ... he's writing his memoirs up there.
Cutie: No, not his memoirs. He's telling his girl he's staying at home since she's gone this weekend.
Tyson: Yeah. At home! Um ... reading a book!
They were laughing and stopped talking for a moment so I said:
Me: You know that's not what we want you doing while we're gone, right?
Tyson: Oh yeah! We got a woman in our car! What IS it you want us to do when at home when you're out of town? DO. TELL.
Me: Well, if you're going to stay home we want you composing poetry to our beauty. All of them looked at me like I'd lost my damn mind and not a one of 'em had anything to say to that. I took pity on 'em ... Unless of course the book you're reading is how to better pleasure us while you're doing the dishes.
Tyson: Oh YEAH! I KNEW I'd like you!! You really need to go to the bar w/us.
Me: Ha. as we pull up to the bar Bye boys ... don't let Tyson get you arrested.
Tyson: But if we did you would totally bail us out right?
Me: No, but if you'd like to give me your girl's phone number I would certainly call her. I'm sure there is plenty of stuff her n' I could chat about.
ALSO:
Picked up these 3 we're-with-the-band looking fellas going across the river from downtown to about 57th NE Sandy. Nice enough guys, laughing and whatnot. Drunk.
He1: Hey. We're all named Chad.
Me: Reeeeally?
He3: Oh yeah. And we're all from South Dakota. And we're all named Chad. What are the odds huh?
Me: Are you guys brothers? Tell me you're all brothers 'cuz the odds of that being funny are pretty darned tall.
He1: No. We just met.
Me: Tonight?
He2: Yes.
Me: Aaaaaand now you're all going home together. Hunh. Wasn't there a movie about that? Some cowboys that just met ... from South Dakota ... they get out of town together ... ?? :)
Hootin' and hollerin' and then we find out that He1 (who's sitting up front) has a tattoo of He Man on his ass. Apparently it's quite the draw at the bars.
Me: Color me intrigued. Can I see it? I'll take $5.00 off the fare if you show it to me.
And he did. Tiny little ass, big tattoo. But well done.
Tyson: He's not texting ... he's writing his memoirs up there.
Cutie: No, not his memoirs. He's telling his girl he's staying at home since she's gone this weekend.
Tyson: Yeah. At home! Um ... reading a book!
They were laughing and stopped talking for a moment so I said:
Me: You know that's not what we want you doing while we're gone, right?
Tyson: Oh yeah! We got a woman in our car! What IS it you want us to do when at home when you're out of town? DO. TELL.
Me: Well, if you're going to stay home we want you composing poetry to our beauty. All of them looked at me like I'd lost my damn mind and not a one of 'em had anything to say to that. I took pity on 'em ... Unless of course the book you're reading is how to better pleasure us while you're doing the dishes.
Tyson: Oh YEAH! I KNEW I'd like you!! You really need to go to the bar w/us.
Me: Ha. as we pull up to the bar Bye boys ... don't let Tyson get you arrested.
Tyson: But if we did you would totally bail us out right?
Me: No, but if you'd like to give me your girl's phone number I would certainly call her. I'm sure there is plenty of stuff her n' I could chat about.
ALSO:
Picked up these 3 we're-with-the-band looking fellas going across the river from downtown to about 57th NE Sandy. Nice enough guys, laughing and whatnot. Drunk.
He1: Hey. We're all named Chad.
Me: Reeeeally?
He3: Oh yeah. And we're all from South Dakota. And we're all named Chad. What are the odds huh?
Me: Are you guys brothers? Tell me you're all brothers 'cuz the odds of that being funny are pretty darned tall.
He1: No. We just met.
Me: Tonight?
He2: Yes.
Me: Aaaaaand now you're all going home together. Hunh. Wasn't there a movie about that? Some cowboys that just met ... from South Dakota ... they get out of town together ... ?? :)
Hootin' and hollerin' and then we find out that He1 (who's sitting up front) has a tattoo of He Man on his ass. Apparently it's quite the draw at the bars.
Me: Color me intrigued. Can I see it? I'll take $5.00 off the fare if you show it to me.
And he did. Tiny little ass, big tattoo. But well done.
6/25/11
Same story. Different players. Different script.
I picked up a girl and 2 guys from in front of the Barrel Room last night. Pretty people. Girl was a bit angry, she got up front with me. From the conversation I got that they were friends, not significants and out for her 27th bday. It was a pretty long ride considering we only went about 5 miles from where I picked them up, but that could be because the girl didn't shut up a'tall the whole ride and all she did was bitch and whine.
Basically her complaints were: "Oh my God I'm OLD. I might as well be dead. I don't know what's wrong w/my douchebag friends. No one loves me any longer. No one listens to me any more. All my friends want to stab me in the neck w/a knife. WTF is wrong w/them?" Different variations of the same stuff. It got very annoying, very fast. She decided to bring me into the conversation ...
Annoying Little Bitch: Why are my douchebag friends such assholes?
Me: Maybe it's 'cause you're calling them 'douchebags'. Wouldn't that annoy you? I've heard you say it like, 6 times in the last 2 minutes and I'm pretty annoyed.
She stopped talking to me and started in on the guys again.
We're going up over Burnside to the West side of town and at about Skyline is when it got real ugly. I had already turned up the radio a couple of times to drown her out (for which the guys thanked me) when she finally got on the guy's nerves.
Boy1: Liz. Christ. Would you just shut up. You're being a princess right now.
ALB: Why don't you just STFU Ben. I don't know who the fuck you think YOU are. etc etc again.
Boy2 in the meantime had passed out sitting behind me.
I reached up and turned the radio up again. Boy1 reached up and patted me on the shoulder and said "Hey. I'm sorry my friend is being such a bitch."
Me: Welcome to my world Dude. :)
ALB: "Welcome to my world." Yeah right. All you fucking do is drive around and look stupid.
Me: reaching up to turn the radio down Look little girl, I realize you're having a bad night, but don't start fucking w/me.
ALB: Well, that IS what you do, right? Drive around and look stupid. I don't know why you have to jump in the middle of MY conversation.
Me: I was talking to Ben so you actually jumped in the middle of OUR conversation. A little word of advice: you ...
ALB: What? HUH? Is it advice on how not to be STUPID?
Me: Oh wow. pulling over into the 24 hr QFC at Miller/Barnes Actually, yes. It is. I was going to say "you should try not to piss of your driver before they get you where you're going" but now it's too late.
ALB: Why are you pulling in here? Did we TELL you to pull over? Can't even follow simple directions. No wonder you're a cab driver.
Me: I'm pulling over because you're getting out. Here. Now.
After a bit of arguing they all got out. They guys didn't want to but since they couldn't shut her up and I don't leave women on the side of the road alone ... you know.
Same story. Different script.
::sigh::
Basically her complaints were: "Oh my God I'm OLD. I might as well be dead. I don't know what's wrong w/my douchebag friends. No one loves me any longer. No one listens to me any more. All my friends want to stab me in the neck w/a knife. WTF is wrong w/them?" Different variations of the same stuff. It got very annoying, very fast. She decided to bring me into the conversation ...
Annoying Little Bitch: Why are my douchebag friends such assholes?
Me: Maybe it's 'cause you're calling them 'douchebags'. Wouldn't that annoy you? I've heard you say it like, 6 times in the last 2 minutes and I'm pretty annoyed.
She stopped talking to me and started in on the guys again.
We're going up over Burnside to the West side of town and at about Skyline is when it got real ugly. I had already turned up the radio a couple of times to drown her out (for which the guys thanked me) when she finally got on the guy's nerves.
Boy1: Liz. Christ. Would you just shut up. You're being a princess right now.
ALB: Why don't you just STFU Ben. I don't know who the fuck you think YOU are. etc etc again.
Boy2 in the meantime had passed out sitting behind me.
I reached up and turned the radio up again. Boy1 reached up and patted me on the shoulder and said "Hey. I'm sorry my friend is being such a bitch."
Me: Welcome to my world Dude. :)
ALB: "Welcome to my world." Yeah right. All you fucking do is drive around and look stupid.
Me: reaching up to turn the radio down Look little girl, I realize you're having a bad night, but don't start fucking w/me.
ALB: Well, that IS what you do, right? Drive around and look stupid. I don't know why you have to jump in the middle of MY conversation.
Me: I was talking to Ben so you actually jumped in the middle of OUR conversation. A little word of advice: you ...
ALB: What? HUH? Is it advice on how not to be STUPID?
Me: Oh wow. pulling over into the 24 hr QFC at Miller/Barnes Actually, yes. It is. I was going to say "you should try not to piss of your driver before they get you where you're going" but now it's too late.
ALB: Why are you pulling in here? Did we TELL you to pull over? Can't even follow simple directions. No wonder you're a cab driver.
Me: I'm pulling over because you're getting out. Here. Now.
After a bit of arguing they all got out. They guys didn't want to but since they couldn't shut her up and I don't leave women on the side of the road alone ... you know.
Same story. Different script.
::sigh::
6/20/11
It was a rough weekend ...
First and foremost it was Father's Day. Happy FD Dad - where ever you may be. :)
Then in Portland we had two other BIG things happening this same weekend:
1) It was Pride weekend in Portland. Lots of people here for the festivities and parade. Oddly enough, I haven't - yet - heard of a single hate issued crime happening. It was good times for all. The weather was nice enough and seemingly everyone was happy.
2) The other was the Naked Bike Ride on Saturday night. Yearly and international event (although I read that there are only 4 cities in the US that do it), people protesting cars. It's always amusing ... last year we had 13000 people riding, this year is estimated at about 9-10K. Not everyone is completely naked, although many are. A lot of people standing around gawking and yelling, and sadly, many people just trying to get around but stuck in traffic. I try, every time something of this nature comes to downtown to stay out of town, but there is always someone that wants to go downtown. ::sigh:: It's a rough life. And unfortunately I got stuck 1/2 way across the Hawthorne Bridge as the Ride was starting because everyone in front of me had to stop their cars.
Anyway, pictures stolen from someone's blog and when I say "rough weekend" what I really mean is "incredibly amusing to those of us that are sober" especially when we think about the amount of talcum powder sold in Ptld on Sunday. :)
Then in Portland we had two other BIG things happening this same weekend:
1) It was Pride weekend in Portland. Lots of people here for the festivities and parade. Oddly enough, I haven't - yet - heard of a single hate issued crime happening. It was good times for all. The weather was nice enough and seemingly everyone was happy.
2) The other was the Naked Bike Ride on Saturday night. Yearly and international event (although I read that there are only 4 cities in the US that do it), people protesting cars. It's always amusing ... last year we had 13000 people riding, this year is estimated at about 9-10K. Not everyone is completely naked, although many are. A lot of people standing around gawking and yelling, and sadly, many people just trying to get around but stuck in traffic. I try, every time something of this nature comes to downtown to stay out of town, but there is always someone that wants to go downtown. ::sigh:: It's a rough life. And unfortunately I got stuck 1/2 way across the Hawthorne Bridge as the Ride was starting because everyone in front of me had to stop their cars.
Anyway, pictures stolen from someone's blog and when I say "rough weekend" what I really mean is "incredibly amusing to those of us that are sober" especially when we think about the amount of talcum powder sold in Ptld on Sunday. :)
6/14/11
Talk about trying to "... sink my spirits"
(thank you Sarah! :)
I got sent to the Acropolis to pick up some dude and - turns out - his 2 women at about 11p. One he knows, the other is friend of his friend, just met. The Acrop is one of the more popular strip joints in town. Lots of ppl go there, especially those from outta town. Just a few miles south of dntn.
Seems they got booted outta there early 'cuz (my opinion) dude was being a dick. He's drunk, the girls aren't but they're pretty much going along w/what he says. And he's saying a LOT.
He: Take us dntn to the Crowne Room. You know where that is?
Me: Yup. How ya'll doing tonight?
He: ignores me and starts bitching at the Friend Of the Friend I don't know what the FUCK I said to you to turn you into such a bitch but you don't even KNOW me. What the fuck? I want to know. You stopped talking to me before we even got kicked out. What the FUCK is wrong with you? HUNH? she ignores him and stares out the window - she is sitting behind me
Friend: in a very quiet voice Please don't talk to her that way.
He: Shut up. You know what I'm talking about. Why can't you even talk to me? HUNH? I mean. Damn.
FOF: Please just leave me alone.
He: OOOOHHH. NOW you talk to me. You wouldn't talk to me all fucking night and NOW you talk to me. I mean. SHIT. I know what it is. You think it's about the money. Just because I grew up in Lake Oswego and have all the money in the fucking world you think I'm a dick. But I'm here to tell you Sweetheart that has nothing to do with it. Sure, my parents are rich. SURE I can get any woman I want but I don't even WANT you and you're being a bitch to me. I tell you what, it's NOT about the money. It's about YOU being a bitch.
Friend: Please. Just stop yelling at her.
He: WHAT? Now you're on HER side? What the fuck??? I tell you what BABE, I could buy and sell 10 of you bottle blond bitches and you would all be naked on your fucking KNEES scrubbing my fucking TOILET and fucking LOVING IT.
They both just looked down at their laps and didn't say anything. Well, I had heard enough.
Me: Dude, seriously. Stop yelling in my cab.
He: looked at me for a minute Let me tell you what happened and then maybe YOU can tell me why she thinks I'm being such a fucking asshole. We were in the bar
Me: interrupting Dude. I really don't want to hear your story, I just want you to stop yelling in my cab.
He: But this bitch is
Me: again DUDE. Stop calling the girls names and stop yelling in my cab. Seriously. I don't want to hear it any longer.
He: Sheeeet. What the fuck do YOU know anyway??
Me: pulling over I know you need to get out.
Everyone just kinda looks at me for a few seconds.
He: Yeah. Maybe I DO I was tired of riding with you anyway. But I tell you what, I am paying for these bitches rides because neither one of them have any fucking money so if you want to get paid then you aren't going to kick us out.
Me: I'm sorry you misunderstood me. I am kicking YOU out. Not the girls. And I will give the girls a ride wherever it is they need to go. For free.
He: Fine. opening the door What the FUCK EVER. and before he gets out he has one last parting shot at me Hey. Ya know what? Stay fat bitch.
Me: couldn't help it, I started laughing Oh wow! All your mommy and daddy's money and that's the BEST parting shot you could come up with?? They must not have spent much on your education Doll. Get the hell outta my cab.
He does. Slams the door and walks off.
Me: So. You girls still want to go to the same bar downtown?
After they got done staring at me they say yes.
FOF: Wow. Everyone was catering to him all night. I can't believe you talked to him like that.
Me: Dude was being a dick. I don't have to listen to that shit even if you do. jab jab
Friend: Still. We can pay for the cab ride by the way so you don't have to worry about it. Thank you though. He was outta control. And disrespectful. Oh my God. I can't believe he said that. You aren't even that big.
Me: I've been called a lot worse than that Darlin'. Trust me. It's all part of the job.
So as we're tooling along the girls are chatting about how they're going to get him to pay for the vacation they're taking the next week. I hear 'Hey, we can just say that my feet hurt and that the cab driver wasn't mean to us like she was to him.'
Apparently for some, money does make the world go 'round.
I got sent to the Acropolis to pick up some dude and - turns out - his 2 women at about 11p. One he knows, the other is friend of his friend, just met. The Acrop is one of the more popular strip joints in town. Lots of ppl go there, especially those from outta town. Just a few miles south of dntn.
Seems they got booted outta there early 'cuz (my opinion) dude was being a dick. He's drunk, the girls aren't but they're pretty much going along w/what he says. And he's saying a LOT.
He: Take us dntn to the Crowne Room. You know where that is?
Me: Yup. How ya'll doing tonight?
He: ignores me and starts bitching at the Friend Of the Friend I don't know what the FUCK I said to you to turn you into such a bitch but you don't even KNOW me. What the fuck? I want to know. You stopped talking to me before we even got kicked out. What the FUCK is wrong with you? HUNH? she ignores him and stares out the window - she is sitting behind me
Friend: in a very quiet voice Please don't talk to her that way.
He: Shut up. You know what I'm talking about. Why can't you even talk to me? HUNH? I mean. Damn.
FOF: Please just leave me alone.
He: OOOOHHH. NOW you talk to me. You wouldn't talk to me all fucking night and NOW you talk to me. I mean. SHIT. I know what it is. You think it's about the money. Just because I grew up in Lake Oswego and have all the money in the fucking world you think I'm a dick. But I'm here to tell you Sweetheart that has nothing to do with it. Sure, my parents are rich. SURE I can get any woman I want but I don't even WANT you and you're being a bitch to me. I tell you what, it's NOT about the money. It's about YOU being a bitch.
Friend: Please. Just stop yelling at her.
He: WHAT? Now you're on HER side? What the fuck??? I tell you what BABE, I could buy and sell 10 of you bottle blond bitches and you would all be naked on your fucking KNEES scrubbing my fucking TOILET and fucking LOVING IT.
They both just looked down at their laps and didn't say anything. Well, I had heard enough.
Me: Dude, seriously. Stop yelling in my cab.
He: looked at me for a minute Let me tell you what happened and then maybe YOU can tell me why she thinks I'm being such a fucking asshole. We were in the bar
Me: interrupting Dude. I really don't want to hear your story, I just want you to stop yelling in my cab.
He: But this bitch is
Me: again DUDE. Stop calling the girls names and stop yelling in my cab. Seriously. I don't want to hear it any longer.
He: Sheeeet. What the fuck do YOU know anyway??
Me: pulling over I know you need to get out.
Everyone just kinda looks at me for a few seconds.
He: Yeah. Maybe I DO I was tired of riding with you anyway. But I tell you what, I am paying for these bitches rides because neither one of them have any fucking money so if you want to get paid then you aren't going to kick us out.
Me: I'm sorry you misunderstood me. I am kicking YOU out. Not the girls. And I will give the girls a ride wherever it is they need to go. For free.
He: Fine. opening the door What the FUCK EVER. and before he gets out he has one last parting shot at me Hey. Ya know what? Stay fat bitch.
Me: couldn't help it, I started laughing Oh wow! All your mommy and daddy's money and that's the BEST parting shot you could come up with?? They must not have spent much on your education Doll. Get the hell outta my cab.
He does. Slams the door and walks off.
Me: So. You girls still want to go to the same bar downtown?
After they got done staring at me they say yes.
FOF: Wow. Everyone was catering to him all night. I can't believe you talked to him like that.
Me: Dude was being a dick. I don't have to listen to that shit even if you do. jab jab
Friend: Still. We can pay for the cab ride by the way so you don't have to worry about it. Thank you though. He was outta control. And disrespectful. Oh my God. I can't believe he said that. You aren't even that big.
Me: I've been called a lot worse than that Darlin'. Trust me. It's all part of the job.
So as we're tooling along the girls are chatting about how they're going to get him to pay for the vacation they're taking the next week. I hear 'Hey, we can just say that my feet hurt and that the cab driver wasn't mean to us like she was to him.'
Apparently for some, money does make the world go 'round.
6/12/11
I try, but I can't save 'em all ...
Stupid drunk girls. I get so irritated when a girl is so drunk she doesn't know where she is or what - or who - she is doing.
I get flagged in front of the Barrel Room downtown last night. 2 foreign guys and a very intoxicated American girl. Very. Head rolling, snorting, leaning to the side drunk. She's in the middle. They are going to one of the guys apartments, just across the bridge, 8 minutes away.
I hear a lot of stupid shit coming out of the back seat, but what I'm hearing most is "Wait a minute, WHO are you guys? Where's Chrissy? Are you friends of hers? Do I know you?" type of questions from her.
One guy is saying he has a g/f so he is just going along to make sure she is o.k. drinking more at the apartment.
We get to the apt and they are having a hard time getting her out of the cab, physically. She's just kinda ... sitting there. So I finally pipe up:
Me: Hey. Are you OK?
She: Um ... yeah. I think so.
Me: Are you sure you want to go with these guys?
Guy: Hey. She's all right. Come on let's go.
Me: Hush now. HEY. Are you SURE you want to go with these guys?
Other guy: You shut up! She is our friend, we will take care of her.
She: Um ... my friends. Do you know Chrissy?
Me: Dude, back away from the cab - RIGHT NOW so I can talk to your "friend". NOW. they both backed off Hey. Listen to me ... very carefully. Are you sure you want to go with these guys?
She: Ummmm. Sure. They're my friends. I think.
Me: It sounds to me like you just met these guys. If you want to go some place else, ANYWHERE I will take you right now. Can we call your friend Chrissy? I don't think you want to go home with these guys. Really.
She: sorta rolls her eyes at me Oh my God. You sound just like my mother. Mind your own fucking business. I'll go home with ... with ... you know. Do What I Want.
Me: Are you SURE?
She: trying to figure out how to get the door open Let me OUT of here! one of the guys opens the door and she stumbles out FUCK YOU MAN. You're just the cab driver ... don't JUDGE me.
One of the guys pays me and they help her in the door.
I can't save 'em all. I'll probably read about her on the internet some day. Stupid drunken ... pssht.
I get flagged in front of the Barrel Room downtown last night. 2 foreign guys and a very intoxicated American girl. Very. Head rolling, snorting, leaning to the side drunk. She's in the middle. They are going to one of the guys apartments, just across the bridge, 8 minutes away.
I hear a lot of stupid shit coming out of the back seat, but what I'm hearing most is "Wait a minute, WHO are you guys? Where's Chrissy? Are you friends of hers? Do I know you?" type of questions from her.
One guy is saying he has a g/f so he is just going along to make sure she is o.k. drinking more at the apartment.
We get to the apt and they are having a hard time getting her out of the cab, physically. She's just kinda ... sitting there. So I finally pipe up:
Me: Hey. Are you OK?
She: Um ... yeah. I think so.
Me: Are you sure you want to go with these guys?
Guy: Hey. She's all right. Come on let's go.
Me: Hush now. HEY. Are you SURE you want to go with these guys?
Other guy: You shut up! She is our friend, we will take care of her.
She: Um ... my friends. Do you know Chrissy?
Me: Dude, back away from the cab - RIGHT NOW so I can talk to your "friend". NOW. they both backed off Hey. Listen to me ... very carefully. Are you sure you want to go with these guys?
She: Ummmm. Sure. They're my friends. I think.
Me: It sounds to me like you just met these guys. If you want to go some place else, ANYWHERE I will take you right now. Can we call your friend Chrissy? I don't think you want to go home with these guys. Really.
She: sorta rolls her eyes at me Oh my God. You sound just like my mother. Mind your own fucking business. I'll go home with ... with ... you know. Do What I Want.
Me: Are you SURE?
She: trying to figure out how to get the door open Let me OUT of here! one of the guys opens the door and she stumbles out FUCK YOU MAN. You're just the cab driver ... don't JUDGE me.
One of the guys pays me and they help her in the door.
I can't save 'em all. I'll probably read about her on the internet some day. Stupid drunken ... pssht.
6/5/11
So we got this new guy ...
that started just a few months back. Very sweet, VERY not-cab driver material but Dude needed a job, right? I ran into him the 1st time the day after he started, he was parked at an Albertson's in Gresham (outer NE Ptld) and I pulled in there to kill time so decided to chat. He needed help w/the computer and had all kinds of questions that I answered. Seriously, sweetest guy in the world.
Ran into him again off and on the last few months. I keep teasing him because Dude hasn't been to downtown Ptld, says he's afraid to go down there. He knows the eastside and prefers to stay out there.
Last time I ran into him:
Me: You made it downtown yet?
He: Maybe someday.
Me: You need to get yer ass down there, you'll make more money. Especially on the weekends and holidays. There's some bad 'hoods out here. You stay on this side of town and you'll get shot. :)
We laugh and go about our business.
SO ... what happens tonight ... Dude gets shot.
Shit you not. He's fine, drove his car to work and then went home after dealing w/the cops. I'm not laughing about this, and I don't think I ever will, but this is so the type of thing I would tell someone else "Hey, it's funny NOW." Ya know what I mean? Pssht.
It wasn't a customer. Worse. Just somebody randomly shooting at cars driving by. It's a bad neighborhood ... NE 130th and Sandy (for those of you that know) and NOT ONLY did they shoot at him (in the passenger side window, out the back drivers) but they also shot another cab right after the cops left. Another window. Driver not hurt at all.
Probably just some punk kids but still ... bastards.
meh.
Ran into him again off and on the last few months. I keep teasing him because Dude hasn't been to downtown Ptld, says he's afraid to go down there. He knows the eastside and prefers to stay out there.
Last time I ran into him:
Me: You made it downtown yet?
He: Maybe someday.
Me: You need to get yer ass down there, you'll make more money. Especially on the weekends and holidays. There's some bad 'hoods out here. You stay on this side of town and you'll get shot. :)
We laugh and go about our business.
SO ... what happens tonight ... Dude gets shot.
Shit you not. He's fine, drove his car to work and then went home after dealing w/the cops. I'm not laughing about this, and I don't think I ever will, but this is so the type of thing I would tell someone else "Hey, it's funny NOW." Ya know what I mean? Pssht.
It wasn't a customer. Worse. Just somebody randomly shooting at cars driving by. It's a bad neighborhood ... NE 130th and Sandy (for those of you that know) and NOT ONLY did they shoot at him (in the passenger side window, out the back drivers) but they also shot another cab right after the cops left. Another window. Driver not hurt at all.
Probably just some punk kids but still ... bastards.
meh.
5/31/11
Random comments that horrify people ...
Wandering about w/a couple from outta town late at night. We were getting close to the address they were looking for so I was driving slowly looking and not really paying attention to what they were saying. We had been yucking it up the whole way from the airport ...
She: Oh wow ... I can't believe people actually say that kind of stuff!
Me: Oh, you know, throw some alcohol in the mix and people will say anything.
She: So, how would you describe your job?
Me: looking ... Ummmm cross between a baby sitter and looking human trafficker.
That one's going on my business card. :)
And here's an old one that I find amusing that I'm gonna recycle for your amusement:
Young friendly couple in my cab looking through the want ads looking at the help wanted section.
He: What do you suppose that is?
She: I don't know. Hey driver, what do you think a "hay fluffer" is?
Me: Someone that blows the donkey for the animal porn. :)
PSA: I'm taking the "reactions" part of my comments off the blog. Sorry if that bothers anyone but I prefer to read comments/reactions rather than just see how many people clicked "funny" or whatever.
She: Oh wow ... I can't believe people actually say that kind of stuff!
Me: Oh, you know, throw some alcohol in the mix and people will say anything.
She: So, how would you describe your job?
Me: looking ... Ummmm cross between a baby sitter and looking human trafficker.
That one's going on my business card. :)
And here's an old one that I find amusing that I'm gonna recycle for your amusement:
Young friendly couple in my cab looking through the want ads looking at the help wanted section.
He: What do you suppose that is?
She: I don't know. Hey driver, what do you think a "hay fluffer" is?
Me: Someone that blows the donkey for the animal porn. :)
PSA: I'm taking the "reactions" part of my comments off the blog. Sorry if that bothers anyone but I prefer to read comments/reactions rather than just see how many people clicked "funny" or whatever.
5/29/11
Bachelor party
I picked up a coupla fellas that escaped from Idaho for one of the guys bachelor party, they were bar hopping in 2 cabs for the night. I took them from downtown to Sassy's just across the river. They were funny and making fun of the bachelor.
FriendI: to me Our friend here is trying to enjoy his last free night as a single man ... can you show us a good time?
Me: Nah. The bachelors always get angry with me ... I'll just take you guys where you wanna go.
Bachelor: Whaddaya mean we get angry with you?
Me: I'm the one driving you to where you get to watch your friends have fun and drool over the women that you will never, EVER have again. Always makes you guys angry by the end of the night.
Fr1: Yeah man! Never again! She's got it ... you're stuck w/one pussy for the rest of your life!!!
Bach: It's all right man ... it could be a lot worse. She's all right. I'll just throw some grits and honey on it and we'll be fine.
Fr1: "... throw some grits on it"?? Man. WTF you talking about??
Bach: I'm from down south. We throw grits on everything and it's all right.
Everyone in the car is really quiet and just staring at the bachelor and I pop up ...
Me: Well. Just from a woman's point of view: we don't want you throwing no grits on ANYthing ... but most especially not on our bodies.
Bach: after everyone quit laughing But ... everything's better with grits on it.
Me: Nooooo, everything's better with BACON on it, but we don't want you putting any of that shit on us either.
Fr1: She's right there man. Bacon makes it all good. But I'm curious, why wouldn't you want us putting anything on you?
Me: 2 reasons. One, you guys don't eat it all ... no matter how much shit you talk. You know it, we know it and it just makes a mess. And two: you aren't the ones cleaning it all up afterwards.
We all laughed and more than 1/2 of them agreed with me.
Bach: Wow ... this has got to be the best cab ride EVER. You're funny!!
Me: You wanna see funny?? Lemme have your fiance's phone number ... now THAT would be amusing. :)
Bach: Hell no ... I'm not stupid!!
Fr1: I have her phone number ... wait ... even better I think you should be my date to the wedding tomorrow!!
Bach: Dude ... what are you trying to do to me ... she'd kill me!
I got 'em over to Sassy's and the Fr1 got me to give him a ride to the ATM a few blocks away where he tried to convince me I needed to go to the wedding w/him.
I declined. :)
FriendI: to me Our friend here is trying to enjoy his last free night as a single man ... can you show us a good time?
Me: Nah. The bachelors always get angry with me ... I'll just take you guys where you wanna go.
Bachelor: Whaddaya mean we get angry with you?
Me: I'm the one driving you to where you get to watch your friends have fun and drool over the women that you will never, EVER have again. Always makes you guys angry by the end of the night.
Fr1: Yeah man! Never again! She's got it ... you're stuck w/one pussy for the rest of your life!!!
Bach: It's all right man ... it could be a lot worse. She's all right. I'll just throw some grits and honey on it and we'll be fine.
Fr1: "... throw some grits on it"?? Man. WTF you talking about??
Bach: I'm from down south. We throw grits on everything and it's all right.
Everyone in the car is really quiet and just staring at the bachelor and I pop up ...
Me: Well. Just from a woman's point of view: we don't want you throwing no grits on ANYthing ... but most especially not on our bodies.
Bach: after everyone quit laughing But ... everything's better with grits on it.
Me: Nooooo, everything's better with BACON on it, but we don't want you putting any of that shit on us either.
Fr1: She's right there man. Bacon makes it all good. But I'm curious, why wouldn't you want us putting anything on you?
Me: 2 reasons. One, you guys don't eat it all ... no matter how much shit you talk. You know it, we know it and it just makes a mess. And two: you aren't the ones cleaning it all up afterwards.
We all laughed and more than 1/2 of them agreed with me.
Bach: Wow ... this has got to be the best cab ride EVER. You're funny!!
Me: You wanna see funny?? Lemme have your fiance's phone number ... now THAT would be amusing. :)
Bach: Hell no ... I'm not stupid!!
Fr1: I have her phone number ... wait ... even better I think you should be my date to the wedding tomorrow!!
Bach: Dude ... what are you trying to do to me ... she'd kill me!
I got 'em over to Sassy's and the Fr1 got me to give him a ride to the ATM a few blocks away where he tried to convince me I needed to go to the wedding w/him.
I declined. :)
5/7/11
"I bet you just looooove Yanni now huh?"
Picked up this younger-ish couple (25 +/-) wandering about in inner NW Ptld. They flagged me down and hopped in. They'd gotten lost and gave me directions on how to get where they were going on the other side of downtown "... just near the Marriott on Naito."
We're off. They're from Corvallis - a backwater town about 2 hrs southeast of here where OSU is - and they're laughing about someone saying something about them being husband/wife.
She: I don't understand why everyone assumes we're either husband and wife or brother and sister. Can't a man and woman just be friends?
Me: I thought they were mutually exclusive if you're from Corvallis ... husband/wife ... brother/sister ... :)
He: I can see that. We're not actually from there, we just moved there.
So we make s'more fun of the town and guy asked me about the game I was listening to on the radio ...
Me: Mariners and Texas Rangers. It's pretty much the only thing you can find on the radio for sports around here.
She: I can't listen to sports on the radio. It's so boring.
He: Baseball isn't so bad. At least you can follow it.
Me: It's not like watching golf. And it certainly beats the hell outta soccer! Holy Baby Jesus I tried, I reaaaallly tried to listen to the game last night but man I gotta say it was like going to a Yanni concert ... beYOND boring.
We all laughed and chatted s'more.
I got 'em to where they were going - The Keller Auditorium.
Me: So, what's going on here tonight?
He: We're going to a Yanni concert.
Me: HA! That's funny. :)
He: I'm serious.
I looked up at the marquis ... holy SHIT! He wasn't kidding.
Me: Oh holy shit. I am SO sorry. I mean ... I just ... ah hell.
He: I bet you feel bad now huh?
Me: Well. Not really. I mean, not "bad" but I am sorry. But honestly ... it's Yanni ... I just can't ... pssht. I'll just shut up now.
He: I bet you just looooove Yanni now huh?
Me: Oh hell no. But I can say I'm sorry again if that matters. I mean, shit. Customer service yanno? How could I know I'd get the only 2 Yanni fans on this side of the country in my cab when I spout off about how boring I find his music to be. shrug Sorry.
They didn't say much else and got out pretty quickly.
Yup. Sometimes it goes deeper than the foot in the mouth. :)
We're off. They're from Corvallis - a backwater town about 2 hrs southeast of here where OSU is - and they're laughing about someone saying something about them being husband/wife.
She: I don't understand why everyone assumes we're either husband and wife or brother and sister. Can't a man and woman just be friends?
Me: I thought they were mutually exclusive if you're from Corvallis ... husband/wife ... brother/sister ... :)
He: I can see that. We're not actually from there, we just moved there.
So we make s'more fun of the town and guy asked me about the game I was listening to on the radio ...
Me: Mariners and Texas Rangers. It's pretty much the only thing you can find on the radio for sports around here.
She: I can't listen to sports on the radio. It's so boring.
He: Baseball isn't so bad. At least you can follow it.
Me: It's not like watching golf. And it certainly beats the hell outta soccer! Holy Baby Jesus I tried, I reaaaallly tried to listen to the game last night but man I gotta say it was like going to a Yanni concert ... beYOND boring.
We all laughed and chatted s'more.
I got 'em to where they were going - The Keller Auditorium.
Me: So, what's going on here tonight?
He: We're going to a Yanni concert.
Me: HA! That's funny. :)
He: I'm serious.
I looked up at the marquis ... holy SHIT! He wasn't kidding.
Me: Oh holy shit. I am SO sorry. I mean ... I just ... ah hell.
He: I bet you feel bad now huh?
Me: Well. Not really. I mean, not "bad" but I am sorry. But honestly ... it's Yanni ... I just can't ... pssht. I'll just shut up now.
He: I bet you just looooove Yanni now huh?
Me: Oh hell no. But I can say I'm sorry again if that matters. I mean, shit. Customer service yanno? How could I know I'd get the only 2 Yanni fans on this side of the country in my cab when I spout off about how boring I find his music to be. shrug Sorry.
They didn't say much else and got out pretty quickly.
Yup. Sometimes it goes deeper than the foot in the mouth. :)
5/4/11
I am so going to hell ... :)
I got sent to pick up this younger fella (about 24) one night about 2:15 am that needed to leave RIGHT NOW to get to the Plaid and grab s'more beer before they closed.
We were chatting about why he waited so late to do a beer run (Play Station) and why it was him instead if one of the other roommates that are running (rock, paper scissors) and then we got to chatting about my drawings (sketch book was on the seat when he hopped in).
Anyway, long story short, he wanted me to draw him a picture to be made into a tattoo. 4 horses of the Apocalypse. Apparently the name of the white rider is the same as his, in German or something of that nature. It stuck in my mind for a bit, then one day I decided to draw it. Turned out pretty cool IMHO (which is the only one you'll get as I didn't take any pictures) and a few days ago I decided to give it to him (I have the drawing in one of those tube things). It's been about 2 wks since I picked him up. One of his roomies answered the door ...
Me: Hey, is Chris here?
R1: Yeah. One second. Um, who are you?
Me: Trixie. I'm a ... friend of Chris'.
R1: Hunh. looking me up and down One second. CHRIS! yelling. There's a GIRL here to see you! to me Come on in.
Chris: COMING!
I sit down and his roomie is trying to come up w/some sort of conversation.
R1: So. You know Chris.
Me: Apparently.
R1: Um. How?
Me: We met not too long ago.
R1: Hunh. Wait ... are you the one he met a few days ago??
Me: Weeeelll, you could put it that way.
R1: No. I mean, are you ... THAT one?
Me: Possibly. You mean there's more than one?
Roomie # 2 walked out at this point and sat down.
R1: This is the chick that Chris met the other night.
R2: Reeeeeeally? Wow.
Me: "Chick"? Really? I bet he didn't even remember my name did he?
R2: Oh man ... we heard all about you!
Me: "All about"?? What exactly did he tell you?
R1: That you were here all night.
R2: And it took him all day to clean the house afterwards.
R1: And the screaming.
R2: Yeah. The screaming.
Me: Oh man he really did tell you about it, didn't he? I'm gonna kill him.
Then he came walking out. And of course, didn't remember me.
Me: Hi Baby. How you been? You recover ok?
He: Um. Hi. I'm ok. Um. Recover?
Me: From the other night. I thought you weren't going to tell anyone.
He: Uhhhhhm. Wait. Do I KNOW you??
His friends are watching us like a tennis match.
Me: Know me? Do you KNOW ME?? How could you FORGET me?
He: Uhhhhh
Me: And you DID tell them it was YOU that was doing all the screaming. Right? Man, that grape jelly made you come unGLUEd. It was so hot ...
He: Uhhhhh
Wow. This is fun ... poor boy is squirming and sweating ... it should be said that I am quite a bit older than he is. heh
Me: What? Not even a hug? After everything we did?
He: Iiiiiii ... he looks down at the tube I'm carrying
Me: You asked me to bring back the ... well ... I don't know if I can say it in front of your roommies ... but here. This is for you. I KNOW you want this, badly. I mean, you were begging me to bring it back. I hand it over to him. He looks almost afraid of touching it much less looking inside.
This was way too much fun. I took pity on him and told them what was going on. Kid almost collapsed in relief. ;)
We were chatting about why he waited so late to do a beer run (Play Station) and why it was him instead if one of the other roommates that are running (rock, paper scissors) and then we got to chatting about my drawings (sketch book was on the seat when he hopped in).
Anyway, long story short, he wanted me to draw him a picture to be made into a tattoo. 4 horses of the Apocalypse. Apparently the name of the white rider is the same as his, in German or something of that nature. It stuck in my mind for a bit, then one day I decided to draw it. Turned out pretty cool IMHO (which is the only one you'll get as I didn't take any pictures) and a few days ago I decided to give it to him (I have the drawing in one of those tube things). It's been about 2 wks since I picked him up. One of his roomies answered the door ...
Me: Hey, is Chris here?
R1: Yeah. One second. Um, who are you?
Me: Trixie. I'm a ... friend of Chris'.
R1: Hunh. looking me up and down One second. CHRIS! yelling. There's a GIRL here to see you! to me Come on in.
Chris: COMING!
I sit down and his roomie is trying to come up w/some sort of conversation.
R1: So. You know Chris.
Me: Apparently.
R1: Um. How?
Me: We met not too long ago.
R1: Hunh. Wait ... are you the one he met a few days ago??
Me: Weeeelll, you could put it that way.
R1: No. I mean, are you ... THAT one?
Me: Possibly. You mean there's more than one?
Roomie # 2 walked out at this point and sat down.
R1: This is the chick that Chris met the other night.
R2: Reeeeeeally? Wow.
Me: "Chick"? Really? I bet he didn't even remember my name did he?
R2: Oh man ... we heard all about you!
Me: "All about"?? What exactly did he tell you?
R1: That you were here all night.
R2: And it took him all day to clean the house afterwards.
R1: And the screaming.
R2: Yeah. The screaming.
Me: Oh man he really did tell you about it, didn't he? I'm gonna kill him.
Then he came walking out. And of course, didn't remember me.
Me: Hi Baby. How you been? You recover ok?
He: Um. Hi. I'm ok. Um. Recover?
Me: From the other night. I thought you weren't going to tell anyone.
He: Uhhhhhm. Wait. Do I KNOW you??
His friends are watching us like a tennis match.
Me: Know me? Do you KNOW ME?? How could you FORGET me?
He: Uhhhhh
Me: And you DID tell them it was YOU that was doing all the screaming. Right? Man, that grape jelly made you come unGLUEd. It was so hot ...
He: Uhhhhh
Wow. This is fun ... poor boy is squirming and sweating ... it should be said that I am quite a bit older than he is. heh
Me: What? Not even a hug? After everything we did?
He: Iiiiiii ... he looks down at the tube I'm carrying
Me: You asked me to bring back the ... well ... I don't know if I can say it in front of your roommies ... but here. This is for you. I KNOW you want this, badly. I mean, you were begging me to bring it back. I hand it over to him. He looks almost afraid of touching it much less looking inside.
This was way too much fun. I took pity on him and told them what was going on. Kid almost collapsed in relief. ;)
5/2/11
Sometimes when I get bored I will ...
troll Google checking out the various comments and/or articles on the Portland taxi cab business. Sometimes I find something entertaining, sometimes not. This time I found a very slight mention of me in someone's blog. I love to hear when I do well, other than from the people in my cab.
http://www.excelthrulearning.com/blog/the-cab-drivers-of-portland-oregon.html
One thing I think is very underrated these days is letting someone know when they've done something that makes you happy, or smile, or even just done their job well enough to not make you hate them or their service for you. I *always* go out of my way to let someone know when they've done well, and I will often let someone higher up than them know as well. I actually started doing that a few years back after having other "service industry" people mention the great service and tipping better because of it. It made me appreciate them more and branch out w/my own praise and/or tips.
Of all my rides I would say that, conservatively, 95% of them are good. And this is mostly due to me. May sound a bit conceited, but I AM the one driving the cab and interacting w/these people. I am often the first person they really get to see or talk to when they first come to Portland. I love my city, and for the most part, truly enjoy my job. It may not seem so all the time from the stories I write on here, but jeez ... I sit on my ass, drive around all night and generally talk and yuk it up. If it weren't for the incredibly unstable economy and the fact that I have absolutely no job security this could be a perfect job. Well, that and the danger factor, but I try to minimize that as much as possible. :)
I've had friends mention that I should change up my blog a bit and start getting more reactive type of stories on here: letting the people in my cab know that I have a blog and they could possibly make it on here. I can see how this could certainly increase my readership and possibly lead to something lucrative but that just isn't how I roll. I'm much more laid back and honestly, if I were to let people know this when they got in the cab I think it could potentially cause more problems. I'm cool w/my blog the way it is.
I hope this will inspire some of you to thank someone for helping you or even just doing their jobs well. We need more positive reinforcement in this economy ... a smile and a thank you don't cost anything and will often make you feel better. :)
Happy Spring ya'll!!
http://www.excelthrulearning.com/blog/the-cab-drivers-of-portland-oregon.html
One thing I think is very underrated these days is letting someone know when they've done something that makes you happy, or smile, or even just done their job well enough to not make you hate them or their service for you. I *always* go out of my way to let someone know when they've done well, and I will often let someone higher up than them know as well. I actually started doing that a few years back after having other "service industry" people mention the great service and tipping better because of it. It made me appreciate them more and branch out w/my own praise and/or tips.
Of all my rides I would say that, conservatively, 95% of them are good. And this is mostly due to me. May sound a bit conceited, but I AM the one driving the cab and interacting w/these people. I am often the first person they really get to see or talk to when they first come to Portland. I love my city, and for the most part, truly enjoy my job. It may not seem so all the time from the stories I write on here, but jeez ... I sit on my ass, drive around all night and generally talk and yuk it up. If it weren't for the incredibly unstable economy and the fact that I have absolutely no job security this could be a perfect job. Well, that and the danger factor, but I try to minimize that as much as possible. :)
I've had friends mention that I should change up my blog a bit and start getting more reactive type of stories on here: letting the people in my cab know that I have a blog and they could possibly make it on here. I can see how this could certainly increase my readership and possibly lead to something lucrative but that just isn't how I roll. I'm much more laid back and honestly, if I were to let people know this when they got in the cab I think it could potentially cause more problems. I'm cool w/my blog the way it is.
I hope this will inspire some of you to thank someone for helping you or even just doing their jobs well. We need more positive reinforcement in this economy ... a smile and a thank you don't cost anything and will often make you feel better. :)
Happy Spring ya'll!!
5/1/11
Before I switched my vehicle and hours ...
there was this older lady I used to pick up a Lot. She lives in S.E. Ptld and goes to the all the bars that are w/in $5.00 of her home (there's about 6). She's 74 and her vision is going. Very friendly. She never remembers me (she's always drunk) but she's a very chatty woman, for the short ride.
Every time I pick her up - from the bar - she tells me that she hasn't been drinking. She NEVER drinks, she just goes there to socialize as she's old and lonely. She must drink whiskey because I can smell her from quite a ways away and I always have to help her to the cab as she has a hard time walking away from the bar.
Anyway, she tells me - every single time - that she's having some problems w/her sugar levels that's why she is having problems walking.
So, now that I've switched my hours to a bit earlier I am taking her to the bar instead of picking her up and taking her home and it smells like she is pre-gaming the bar.
Color me suspicious.
Every time I pick her up - from the bar - she tells me that she hasn't been drinking. She NEVER drinks, she just goes there to socialize as she's old and lonely. She must drink whiskey because I can smell her from quite a ways away and I always have to help her to the cab as she has a hard time walking away from the bar.
Anyway, she tells me - every single time - that she's having some problems w/her sugar levels that's why she is having problems walking.
So, now that I've switched my hours to a bit earlier I am taking her to the bar instead of picking her up and taking her home and it smells like she is pre-gaming the bar.
Color me suspicious.
4/29/11
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