3 girls and a guy get in my car, going to Ringlers from The Shanghai - very short run. Guy up front, girls in the back.
One of the girls pipes up and says that my car smells good.
Me: Thank you. It's a girl cab so of course it smells good.
Guy: A 'Girl Cab' hunh? What exactly does THAT mean?
Me: That not only does my car smell good, but there's a tampon dispenser in the glove box.
Girls laughed. Guy - surprisingly - didn't.
6/20/07
6/19/07
Random Stuff ...
I picked up a coupla hookers that were shipped down here on busses (!!) from Seattle for Fleet Week to 'entertain' the boys and were taking them to their hotel.
H1: I can't believe how bad business is this year.
H2: I know. I ain't gonna make bus fare at this rate. It was so much better last year.
H1: Yeah. It's all these girls comin' into town to get lucky. Cuttin' us out.
H2: Fuckin' ho's. Cuttin' into our biznezz. Some of us gotta make a living out here.
H1: I can't believe how bad business is this year.
H2: I know. I ain't gonna make bus fare at this rate. It was so much better last year.
H1: Yeah. It's all these girls comin' into town to get lucky. Cuttin' us out.
H2: Fuckin' ho's. Cuttin' into our biznezz. Some of us gotta make a living out here.
6/17/07
"Didja get kicked out?"
Got sent to Winco at 102nd NE Halsey to pick up some fella 'round about 430a-ish. I get there, figuring it's gonna be another grocery run and dude has bags, but not grocery bags.
Me: Hey there. How ya doin'?
He: Oh, so-so.
Me: Ah. Need some help with that?
He: Nah. Some of them are kinda heavy.
I get out and open the trunk for him and he starts loading up his stuff, barely fits in the trunk.
Me: So where we off to?
He gave me an address and we were off.
Me: SoooOOOoooo, ya get kicked out? grin
He: Matter o' fact, yes.
Me: Ah. Oops. Sorry. I'll shut up now.
He: Thank you.
Eesh. Guess I can't win 'em all. :o)
Me: Hey there. How ya doin'?
He: Oh, so-so.
Me: Ah. Need some help with that?
He: Nah. Some of them are kinda heavy.
I get out and open the trunk for him and he starts loading up his stuff, barely fits in the trunk.
Me: So where we off to?
He gave me an address and we were off.
Me: SoooOOOoooo, ya get kicked out? grin
He: Matter o' fact, yes.
Me: Ah. Oops. Sorry. I'll shut up now.
He: Thank you.
Eesh. Guess I can't win 'em all. :o)
6/15/07
Random Stuff ...
... that amuses me.
How much fun would THIS concert be?!
It doesn't pain me a bit to say I would love to see V Ice in concert. Hated as he was that boy could move.
How much fun would THIS concert be?!
It doesn't pain me a bit to say I would love to see V Ice in concert. Hated as he was that boy could move.
6/13/07
"Oh, and Powell's, you GOTTA go to Powell's"
I picked up this fairly good looking, youngish fella from The Hilton where he's camped out for the week while he's contemplating moving here with a job offer. (I got this on the drive to our destination) He's dressed pretty nice, hot suit, sexy tie and on his way to Higgins for dinner (which is actually only about 4 blocks away ... job security I suppose.) He's going there because he heard it's one of the two 5 star restaurants we have in town. (Dude likes to flaunt his money)
So he asks me what sights he should see while he's here, hot bars, etc.
Me: I start rattling off some of the better sights of Ptld and then ... Oh, and Powell's. You GOTTA go to Powell's while you're here."
He: What's Powell's?
Me: Only the biggest and best independent new and used book store in this country. 4 lovely floors of book bliss. If you're into reading, at all, it's the place to go.
He: I've only read like, one book in my entire life.
Me: .................... <----- this is me, speechless. You're kidding me, right? Please God, tell me you're kidding me.
He: Nope. Not kidding. I've never seen the point.
Me: But ... but ... but ... still speechless
He: Don't bother. Just about every girlfriend I've ever had has left me when they found out about this. I guess it's just a woman thing. Thanks for the ride.
And he got out. I'm still shaking my head over this guy.
Completely Unrelated Aside: (<---- Stolen from Kevin!!) This is my 100th Blog Post. Yay me!! :o)
So he asks me what sights he should see while he's here, hot bars, etc.
Me: I start rattling off some of the better sights of Ptld and then ... Oh, and Powell's. You GOTTA go to Powell's while you're here."
He: What's Powell's?
Me: Only the biggest and best independent new and used book store in this country. 4 lovely floors of book bliss. If you're into reading, at all, it's the place to go.
He: I've only read like, one book in my entire life.
Me: .................... <----- this is me, speechless. You're kidding me, right? Please God, tell me you're kidding me.
He: Nope. Not kidding. I've never seen the point.
Me: But ... but ... but ... still speechless
He: Don't bother. Just about every girlfriend I've ever had has left me when they found out about this. I guess it's just a woman thing. Thanks for the ride.
And he got out. I'm still shaking my head over this guy.
Completely Unrelated Aside: (<---- Stolen from Kevin!!) This is my 100th Blog Post. Yay me!! :o)
6/12/07
"Your car sure smells nice, do you own it?"
I get sent to 42nd NE Alberta area to pick up 2 folks sitting near a bar, they're supposedly at the corner of. I get there and get flagged by this black couple on the corner, jumping up 'n down to get my attention.
Me: Hi there. Ya'll must be who I'm supposed to be picking up.
He: Man, are we glad to see you. We've been waiting awhile for a cab.
Me: as she comes walking up to the car I'm really sorry about that. We're busier than all get out tonight, something to do with all the sailors in town.
She: What the FUCK took you so long?
Me: blink As I was saying, we're really busy tonight.
She: Well damn woman, I can't believe it took you so fucking long to get here. We called for you over 15 MINUTES AGO!!!
Me: Well, hell. That's not all that long to wait tonight. If you'd like, I could certainly call the cab company and order you another cab because you're being rude and I refused to take you anywhere. Is THAT what you would like?
She: after staring at me for a moment Shit no. Just take me home. But first take me over to that Cadillac over there.
Me: The one with the flashers?
She: Isn't that what I said? Do you SEE any other Cadillacs around here?
Me: Actually, yes. There are 3 sitting at that bar right there. I'd be more than willing to let you go over there and check them out, to make sure they are actually Cadillacs. I could call you another cab to pick you up when you've calmed down a little bit.
She: Sheeeeit girl. You're a spicy one aren't ya? cackle Don't take no shit from anyone. cackle I like that. You're all right. cackle Yeah, stop by that Cadillac, the one with the flashers on, I need to get something from my car.
We pull up there, she tells her man to go get something out of the car and she waits in the cab. As he gets back in I ask what happened to the car.
She: Aw hell, I put my Alize (I think that's how it's spelled) up on the dash when I dropped my cell phone and it spilled. Something sparked in the dash and the car just died. Goddamned brand new car too.
Me: Ah, the joys of drinking and driving.
She has nothing to say to that. Starts giving me directions. I hear her whispering (loudly) to the fella:
She: I can't believe I hafta wait until the beginning of next month to get my check to get that car fixed. Can't you sell some more shit to get my car fixed?
I snorted. Then coughed, 'cuz you know, I wouldn't want her to think I was laughing at her plight.
She: Your car sure smells nice, do you own it?
Me: Yup. Thank you.
She: It's kind of a piece of shit though.
Me: looked her in the eyeball in the rearview At least it isn't sitting on the side of the road, broken down.
She: Shit girl, you're funny. cackle
Rest of the ride was just as pleasant.
Me: Hi there. Ya'll must be who I'm supposed to be picking up.
He: Man, are we glad to see you. We've been waiting awhile for a cab.
Me: as she comes walking up to the car I'm really sorry about that. We're busier than all get out tonight, something to do with all the sailors in town.
She: What the FUCK took you so long?
Me: blink As I was saying, we're really busy tonight.
She: Well damn woman, I can't believe it took you so fucking long to get here. We called for you over 15 MINUTES AGO!!!
Me: Well, hell. That's not all that long to wait tonight. If you'd like, I could certainly call the cab company and order you another cab because you're being rude and I refused to take you anywhere. Is THAT what you would like?
She: after staring at me for a moment Shit no. Just take me home. But first take me over to that Cadillac over there.
Me: The one with the flashers?
She: Isn't that what I said? Do you SEE any other Cadillacs around here?
Me: Actually, yes. There are 3 sitting at that bar right there. I'd be more than willing to let you go over there and check them out, to make sure they are actually Cadillacs. I could call you another cab to pick you up when you've calmed down a little bit.
She: Sheeeeit girl. You're a spicy one aren't ya? cackle Don't take no shit from anyone. cackle I like that. You're all right. cackle Yeah, stop by that Cadillac, the one with the flashers on, I need to get something from my car.
We pull up there, she tells her man to go get something out of the car and she waits in the cab. As he gets back in I ask what happened to the car.
She: Aw hell, I put my Alize (I think that's how it's spelled) up on the dash when I dropped my cell phone and it spilled. Something sparked in the dash and the car just died. Goddamned brand new car too.
Me: Ah, the joys of drinking and driving.
She has nothing to say to that. Starts giving me directions. I hear her whispering (loudly) to the fella:
She: I can't believe I hafta wait until the beginning of next month to get my check to get that car fixed. Can't you sell some more shit to get my car fixed?
I snorted. Then coughed, 'cuz you know, I wouldn't want her to think I was laughing at her plight.
She: Your car sure smells nice, do you own it?
Me: Yup. Thank you.
She: It's kind of a piece of shit though.
Me: looked her in the eyeball in the rearview At least it isn't sitting on the side of the road, broken down.
She: Shit girl, you're funny. cackle
Rest of the ride was just as pleasant.
6/10/07
SOOOOOooo it's 'Fleet Week' again.
*sigh*
I had just finished dropping someone at the 'port when I get sent to the Sheraton right near there to pick up a cute young fella.
Me: Hi there. How ya doin'?
He: I'm late. Can you take me to the ships?
Me: You want me to just pick a ship or would you like to specify. I didn't mean to be a smart ass.
He: How about you just pick the ones on the river, all right? He did.
Me: Well doll I tell ya, Portland has a coupla big ass rivers reeeeal close to it. Are you a sailor on one of the Navy ships downtown?
He: Well shit. Isn't it obvious? DAMN.
Me: The only thing that's obvious is that you're from the Sheraton and in a bad mood. How exactly would it be obvious to me that you're on one of those ships?
He: Well FUCK WOMAN! Look at my goddamn whites!! Are you fucking BLIND?
Me: Darlin ... you aren't wearing any whites.
He: looks down at himself. Ah hell. You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just frustrated I slept so long. I have to be on the ship in 20 for muster, my gf is my boss and she is gonna beat me senseless if I'm not there. Could you please, please get me downtown as quick as possible? I still gotta borrow someone else's whites 'cuz there's no way I can go back to my bunk this late. She'll find out.
Me: Ah. Hazards of sleeping with the boss I suppose.
I had just finished dropping someone at the 'port when I get sent to the Sheraton right near there to pick up a cute young fella.
Me: Hi there. How ya doin'?
He: I'm late. Can you take me to the ships?
Me: You want me to just pick a ship or would you like to specify. I didn't mean to be a smart ass.
He: How about you just pick the ones on the river, all right? He did.
Me: Well doll I tell ya, Portland has a coupla big ass rivers reeeeal close to it. Are you a sailor on one of the Navy ships downtown?
He: Well shit. Isn't it obvious? DAMN.
Me: The only thing that's obvious is that you're from the Sheraton and in a bad mood. How exactly would it be obvious to me that you're on one of those ships?
He: Well FUCK WOMAN! Look at my goddamn whites!! Are you fucking BLIND?
Me: Darlin ... you aren't wearing any whites.
He: looks down at himself. Ah hell. You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just frustrated I slept so long. I have to be on the ship in 20 for muster, my gf is my boss and she is gonna beat me senseless if I'm not there. Could you please, please get me downtown as quick as possible? I still gotta borrow someone else's whites 'cuz there's no way I can go back to my bunk this late. She'll find out.
Me: Ah. Hazards of sleeping with the boss I suppose.
6/4/07
Taxicab Confessions
On average I'm asked about this TV show approximately 50% of my rides. Granted, the higher percentage is from the drunk boys, but a few times I've been asked by folks that I would not expect to even know what the show is, much less ask about it. (For the record, I've seen it 3X. Hasn't impressed me enough to watch again.)
So, on this subject, here are my 2 favorite responses the the drunks that ask about it:
1) Yes, I've seen it. Why? Is the seat still wet?
This usually gets me at least one nasty groan per person.
2) No, you're not on Taxicab Confessions, but I tell you, if ya'll wanna do something freaky in the backseat I'll give ya 5% of the DVD rights.
This one I usually reserve for when there are at least 2 fellas in the backseat that are *apparently* heterosexual. (I've learned to be very picky when saying this to those that appear homosexual because a large percentage tend to surprise me with actually doing something freaky :o)
So, on this subject, here are my 2 favorite responses the the drunks that ask about it:
1) Yes, I've seen it. Why? Is the seat still wet?
This usually gets me at least one nasty groan per person.
2) No, you're not on Taxicab Confessions, but I tell you, if ya'll wanna do something freaky in the backseat I'll give ya 5% of the DVD rights.
This one I usually reserve for when there are at least 2 fellas in the backseat that are *apparently* heterosexual. (I've learned to be very picky when saying this to those that appear homosexual because a large percentage tend to surprise me with actually doing something freaky :o)
At least I find myself funny ...
Picked up 3 young men from Duke's (the big sh*t-kicker bar here). They were all drunk and amusing. As they were introducing themselves to me the fuzzy headed fella up front was getting grief from his friends in back.
YM: ... but you can call him Dierks Bentley. He likes that.
Me: Well, 'It's a Long Road Alone'.
YM: ... but you can call him Dierks Bentley. He likes that.
Me: Well, 'It's a Long Road Alone'.
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