"Why are you trying to take me to your HOUSE?"

I got sent to outer SE Division fairly early one morning to pick up Dude that woke up late and missed his bus so he had to call a cab to get to work on time. He hopped in the cab, up front ...

He: Hey, wow I'm glad you got here so quickly. I'm going to be late for work if I wait for the next bus, can you get me to St. V's in about 35 minutes?

Me: Might be cutting it close, but I'll see what I can do.

He: Cool. Man. I'm so tired. I stayed up drinking with some friends last night and didn't get to sleep until about 1.

Me: Yeah, I'm kinda tired myself, it's been a long night.

He: Yeah, me too. You know where you're going right? I think I'm going to try and sleep unless you need me to give directions.

Me: Nah. I got it. You can sleep.

He: Cool.

He falls asleep and is snoring quiet. We're tooling along on the freeway and I'm driving on autopilot, yawning from my long night, but not dangerous tired (I nap if I get to that point). Picked a good time to get a quiet passenger.

I head around downtown on 405 to get to the Beaverton/Hwy 26 exit and shoot off onto the 6th st. exit into downtown. Totally wrong exit. It takes me a minute to realize I'm not going home but have someone in my cab. Oops.

Me: Shit! out loud

He: Dude woke up when I spoke Wha? What's going on?

Me: Oh man, I took the wrong exit.

He: Wha ... why are we downtown?

Me: I took the wrong exit. I was on autopilot and took the wrong exit.

He: looks at me suspiciously Is this the only wrong turn you've taken while I was sleeping?

Me: Look, I understand that you're suspicious but I just took a wrong exit. This is the only one I've taken so far, it's all been freeway. You still have about 15 minutes to get to work so we couldn't have gone too far out of the way. The freeway exit is just up Clay St a few blocks, I'll cut $5.00 off the fare when we get there, this is my mistake. Sorry.

He: is still looking at me like I wanna live inside his skin OK. Why would you take this exit anyway?

Me: I live just around the corner from here and thought I was going home.

He: Why are you trying to take me to your HOUSE?!!

Me: I'm not trying to take you to my house, again, it's just a habit. I don't mean anything by it. Everyone has to live somewhere, right?

He: reaches up to try and open the door ... my cab has auto-locks on it, once we're in drive the doors lock Why is this door locked???

Me: Dude, don't freak out. Autolocks. It's all right, really. I'm not going to sacrifice you to the cab Gods, I just took the wrong exit. I'm really sorry. If you feel the need to jump out of the cab while we're driving I can just let you out here and you can find another cab.

He: No ... I only have a few minutes to get to work.

Me: OK, look, we're at the exit now. We'll be there in like, 8 minutes. You all right?

He: Yeah.

Me: Bet ya aren't tired any longer tho huh?! :)

He just glared at me.

Heh ... got him there in about that time. He could NOT get outta the cab fast enough.


"Well. OK, I did call a cab, but I didn't call you."

I get sent to a strip joint to get one of the girls, apparently she had to wait awhile because she sounded like she’d been imbibing while waiting. I call her number ….

Me: Hey there. This is your taxi, do you still need a ride?

She: Wait. What? WHO is this?

Me: This is your taxi. Do you. Still need. A ride?

She: Noooo. I didn’t call a cab.

Me: looking at the order on the screen Ah. Sorry. This is the number I have to reach Anya.

She: Well. I am Anya. But I didn’t call a cab. How did you get this number?

Me: The voices in my head told me to call you.

She: … What? WHO is this?

Me: Again. This is your taxi. You called a taxi, I showed up to give you a ride. That’s how it works. sometimes you need to be specific w/the inebriated.

She: Weeeelll, OK. I did call a cab, but I didn’t call YOU. My driver already showed up, with my name and phone number on his screen. I don’t think you’re a cab driver. I want to know who exactly you are and why you are calling me this late. RIGHT now.

Me: Ah. So apparently you called both companies. there are only 2 in town with computer screens Have a good night.

She: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I want to know who you are.

Me: I told you, I’m your cab driver.

She: You sound like a woman.

Me: … so do you.

She: Don’t be a smart ass.

Me: Sorry. Just stating the obvious as you did.

She: …

Me: Did you get the text message that your cab was on the way?

She: Is THAT what that was all about?

Me: Yes. So you would have my cab number and didn’t get in the wrong cab when more than one of us showed up. Modern technology, gotta love it.

She: Why is your number blocked?

Me: It’s my personal number. I don’t give it to everyone.

She: So how am I supposed to call you back to prove that you’re a cab driver?

Me: Do you really need to “prove” I’m a cab driver?

She: Yes. It’s 3 in the morning and you‘re calling me. I want to make sure you are who you say you are.

Me: So, I give you my number, you call me back, I tell you that I am actually a cab driver, of course you believe me because I tell you I am and then what … you are going have the cab you are in turn around and come back here so you can get in my cab?

She: Of course not. Why would I?

Me: Exactly. So why would I give you my number?

She: …

Me: Have a good night. click